I have a confession. When Joey Potter chose Pacey Witter over Dawson Leary, I was pissed. I mean, the show was “Dawson’s Creek,” not “Pacey’s Creek.”

That said, Gossip Girl seems to be taking a similar turn this season, as the supporting characters are totally stealing the spotlight. How ironic, considering that last night’s episode was all about Blair’s insecurity and the dark shadow that Serena casts on her. Let’s just get right down to business and discuss.

This week’s GG lesson? Your whole life is fulfilled when your photo appears in US Weekly, apparently. And if you aren’t photographed by the paparazzi at the age of sixteen, apparently all of your conniving plans to take charge of your mom’s fashion show and upstage your (former) bff will blow up in your face and bring great success to everyone else. Read More »

I have been eagerly anticipating the premier of the Lohan reality show since Perez announced it a few months ago. Monday’s premier more than exceeded my expectations. I’m sorry about the delay, but I wanted to be absolutely sure that I had absorbed all that I could from this trainwreck collision of Kardashiantics, Real World-esque shouting matches and Girls Next Door intelligence. The show, in a word, is brilliant. In two words, it is brilliantly horrible. Enjoy.

The show begins with a montage of sexy photos all over the house, Dina explains how nothing is more important to her than family (except for press/publicity) as she breaks up a typical sibling playfight between Aliana (Ali) 14, and Dakota (Cody) 11, showcasing how normal they are.

In the kitchen, Dina and her assistant Alexis lament the difficulties of being placed on hold to get out of Jury duty (obviously Dina has other incredibly important things to do). They immediately dive into a harrowing tabloid scanning sesh. Dina explains how sad it is that every morning the poor thing has to go through every single tabloid to see if she’s in it (oh yeah…or any of her kids/clients). Cody, who I am completely in love with, interrupts as the voice of reason, wondering why his Mommadukes has to read the tabloids. She can’t explain. I can’t either, Cody. Read More »

So, Papa Joe might find me and kill me (or send out a swat team of lawyers). But I don’t care. I’ll put it bluntly, and to him: “Papa Joe, your family is hideous, and you’re to blame.”

I hate thinking about the Simpsons. I try not to think about them. Ever. But when I do think about the Simpsons, and conjure up their faces in my mind’s eye, it makes me want to stab my actual eyeballs with needles or a really sharp knife. Since I like my eyes, and appreciate all that they do for me (good jobs, eyes!), I try to avoid images of the Simpson clan. Nevertheless, the girls appear on a lot of my magazines and are picked on at most the blogs I surf every day. Inevitably, I am forced to think about them, even look at them.

I’m sure some of you think I’m being unduly harsh when speaking in such venomous tones. Indeed, the Simpson camp would agree with you. So, by all means, go ahead and join that nest of vipers. But I can’t help being critical. In my mind, they rank up there with the worst of the Hollywood hacks, a close tie with Parasite Hilton or Lindsay Blohan.

OK, that’s hyperbolic, as I am thinking of more counter-examples myself, not to mention that the Simpsons, like Lohan, are in a different category than Hilton types, who were born, literally born, with golden spoons in their . . . well, you get the point.

These days, the competition to make it to the realm of beyond-pitiful is steep. Nevertheless, my dislike for the Simpsons is extremely intense. When did it all begin? Let’s see, I remember that “innocent” reality show . . . aaaaah, yes, The Newlyweds. That guy, Nick Lachey . . . that’s when he was in the picture, too. But Papa Joe effectively cut him out, didn’t he? Read More »

Just in time for the second episode the newest season of The Hills, I was presented with the opportunity to kick back and chat it up with Lo via my cellular.

Um, obviously I couldn’t wait to take that phone call. I watch and obsess about the show enough to pretend those girls are my homies – especially the fantastic and now more frequent member, Lo. If I got her on the phone I could get all the gossip and maybe convince her to invite me out to L.A. for some Pinkberry and bonding time.

Unfortunately, I didn’t woo Lo into becoming my BFF, but I did get some insight into life in front of the camera, her life with Lauren and the reality (or not so much so) of The Hills.

How do you feel about the way you are portrayed on the show? Is that the real Lo?
“I’m pretty confident on how I’m portrayed on the show. Sometimes they go a little too far with the comments I make but I am a good friend to Lauren and I think that they show that well and I bring some comedy to the show. I am an honest person and like that in real life. I’m honest but I’m fun.” Read More »

Adnan Ghalib. Britney’s maybe-maybe not-boyfriend.

I know he’s not really worth talking about, considering the fact that he’s selling his story before it’s even dry to national TV and is supposedly married. But I just can’t help myself. I must write this. I must purge this thought from my soul:

Adnan Ghalib has a landing strip on his face!!

Why has no one talked about this?! Why has no gossip blog explored the deep, cavernous chasm that is Ghalib’s utter ridiculousness? I mean, a thirty-five year old man who chases celebrities for a living? Who wears skull belts?! Who has / had a relationship with dirty, crazy Britney Spears?! Who proudly sports spiked hair a la 1998? WHO HAS A LANDING STRIP ON HIS FACE?!?

Whew.

Okay. I feel better now. Like a little bit of evil has just left my body.

Ever think that stars like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are just being big babies when it comes to complaining about all the attention they get? I mean, who wouldn’t be flattered that people want to constantly take pictures of them?

Well, to be honest, I can’t say that I’m entirely jealous of their lives, but for those who are, don’t worry, you can just buy your own paparazzi! No, seriously. This is an actual company, and for our celebrity obsessed culture, actually a pretty smart idea when you think about it.

Here’s how it works:

Read More »

While most of America sat home Monday night watching American Idol (and the remaining few caught a glimpse of the Democratic debate) there was one person who did neither. Britney Spears was back out on the town last night. She wasn’t doing what everyone would expect, though. Ms. Spears was not club-hopping or loading up on her Starbucks.

No. Britney Spears made her way to Wal-Greens to purchase a pregnancy test.

And why wouldn’t she?

The woman just had her two sons taken away; what better way to cope with that than to make some new ones? Britney is finally in a stable and committed relationship (with the paparazzi who is shopping her photos around to various publications), so it is only natural that they take the next step and begin settling down. Read More »

In case you live under a rock, Britney Spears has officially gone crazier than any of us thought possible.

After freaking her sh*t last Thursday night when it came time to return her two sons to their less insane parent, Spears participated in a three-hour standoff before being rushed to a hospital on a stretcher and checking herself out less than 48 hours later (apparently too early for people admitted with psychological issues). While nobody’s saying exactly why Spears was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, it’s been reported that at the time of her hospitalization, she was “under the influence of an unknown substance”.

As if the circus wasn’t big enough, TV’s favorite media-whore “therapist” Dr. Phil got himself involved in Brit’s debacle, visiting her as she was checking out of the hospital and subsequently telling every news outlet that he was “very concerned” for her.

“My meeting with Britney and some family members this morning in her room at Cedars leaves me convinced more than ever that she is in dire need of both medical and psychological intervention.” The TV doc is quoted as saying. “She was released moments before my arrival and was packing when I entered the room. We visited for about an hour before I walked with her to her car. I am very concerned for her.” Read More »