I try very hard to be a good person. I try not to judge people, and if I do judge them, I try to keep it to myself. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and think the best of a person and the situation they’re in. I really, truly try. Therefore, you must understand that someone would have to go to new and unchartered lengths to really make me dislike them.

Nice job, Paris Hilton.

I don’t envy her, I don’t love her, and I don’t like her. Most of the time, I ignore her. But when I found out that she was in a movie, I was fairly grateful my roommate had gone home for the night so that she couldn’t hear my gag of disgust. Even though she’s been in minor roles before, she is now in her first leading actress role (in a movie with a producer and editor, not just her and Ricky) in “The Hottie and The Nottie”, coming to theaters across the USA on February 8th.

Oh, but it gets better. Read More »

Now, you’re going to read the next paragraph and think it’s a joke, but I swear to you it’s not.

Unless there’s a mischievous intern over at People.com.

The online portion of the magazine is reporting that Paris Hilton is giving acting another try—this time with Saw II, III, (and the upcoming) IV director Darren Lynn Bousman.

The Twisted Pictures director is beginning a new movie called Repo! The Genetic Opera, (here’s where things start to sound unreal) a “musical thriller” where a “villainous organ-transplant magnate” deals with a “mysterious plague that threatens the survival of the human race”.

So, in this equation, we have: the director of Saw, “musical thriller”, an evil organ transplant tycoon, a futuristic society dying from a plague, and Paris Hilton.

…’Tis the stuff nightmares and gigantic flops are made of, lovelies.

I’m sure some of his rabid fans will want to kill me after I say this, but I just don’t get the hoopla over Matthew McConaughey.

Everyone freaks out about this guy. Magazine after magazine goes nuts for his abs and workout habits and his abs and single status and his abs and his muscular, muscular abs.

Enough about the man’s chest! He’s just a guy, being fit. I don’t think it’s possible for him to get any fitter, so let’s just discuss something else.

Like how he’s part of the Paris and Britney club of Being Famous For Just Being Him. When was the last time McConau-hot had a movie that wasn’t lame?

Failure to Launch? Eh.
Sahara? Eh.
Two For the Money? Ugh.
We Are Marshall? Better than eh, but still not good.

And how come we never see MMc with a chick? He hasn’t been photographed with a girl on his arm since…I mean, I have no idea (didn’t he date Penelope Cruz at one point?).

Is he single because he just doesn’t go out? (too busy playing naked bongos?) Read More »

It looks as though the gossip gods were smiling down on this week because as we start the weekend there was one last dramatic event taking place over in Hollywood.

Nicole Richie, accompanied by her boyfriend and baby daddy Joel Madden, pled guilty to her DUI charge she picked up from the December 2006 DUI incident that involved prescription pills, marijuana, and alcohol.

Today, she was finally sentenced by a California judge.

The judge seemed rather leinient on Richie, who not only let her off with just 4 days to serve, but knocked off a day because he counted the 6 hours Richie served when the arrest occured. Not only that, but Richie has a choice of county or city jail. Now, serving time is a depressing prospect anyway and I don’t really know what jail is better in this situation, but damn. Couldn’t he have like, yelled at her a little or something? Read More »

It’s time for Hollywood to take out the trash.

You know what I’m talking about– Lindsay, Paris, Britney, Nicole, Nicole’s unborn baby, Nicole’s ugly boyfriend, and dare I say…Christina Aguilera. Always rubbed me the wrong way, that one.

H-town is seeming more and more like a ghost town these days with its little coke-infused starlets escaping the summer grit of the city for rehab.

Rehab: it’s the new Hamptons!

But, who is there to look to now? Who will inform us, mere plebes, of fashion trends we cannot afford and only imitate feebly by shopping at Forever 21? Who will entertain us while we slave away at our precariously filing - centric summertime internships? Have we no heroes anymore? No inspiration?

I try to think of understudies for Lilo & Co, but the best I can do is a list of the boring and banal: Anne Hathaway, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson. Ugh. Stars– they really are just like us. Meaning? Boring. Read More »

You’ve heard me say it a thousand times. I love K. Clarkson because she seems like a normal human who’s really talented.

Because of my sisterly devotion to KC, I take issue with the newest Star Magazine cover, which features my girl as one of the “Stars Losing the Battle of the Bulge”.

Hmmm. When they say bulge, do they mean a stomach that isn’t sunken? Do they mean a ribcage that isn’t protruding through clothes? Do they mean a waist fitting into a size 8 dress?

Perezhilton featured the cover on his site, and his readers were uncharacteristically on Kelly’s side. It seems I’m not the only one who wants the press to chill out when it comes to the weight of celebrities. Maybe we really are starting to realize perfection doesn’t exist.

What do you think, lovelies?

Is KC packing the pounds, or is she just a normal girl who sometimes makes unfortunate fashion choices?

Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie are expecting! Stay tuned to see which baby is better looking.

Some guy got stuck in a balloon. Seriously. Idiot. VIDEO

Girl gets Paris Hilton’s phone number. Considers herself…lucky?

Obesity in America is on the rise. Blame HER mother.

Miss New Jersey is in a jam. Thanks, Facebook!

Did you get your iPhone? Don’t worry, we didn’t either. VIDEO

Our new hero: Man works in treehouse.

1,000 bathroom stalls? What could possibly go wrong?

The holidays are bright, florescent reminders of how many friends we really have and how clouded our social calendar really is. Lots of us had barbecues and rooftop firework watching parties to go to this July 4th, romantic rendezvous with a special someone under the stars, or giant, patriotic family celebrations where we engaged in our own eating contests (the only prize being a giant stomach and instant regret).

But what if you were one of the many who didn’t do anything special? One of the many who stayed home with nowhere to go, or anyone you really felt like hanging out with?

Then you’d be me.

You see, this 4th of July I was sick. Real sick. A narcoleptic coughing, sneezing, melty-eyed kind of sick. Who knows how I got it. Germs are everywhere in this city. I probably caught it from the pharmacist who handed me my hand sanitizer.

In any case, the plans I had made to grill chicken and watch the fireworks by the water with friends were down the toilet. At least for me.

So what did I do? Well, I watched TV for a while. And then I made some hot dogs because I wanted to try and stay in the spirit of 4th of July grilling. And then I got caught in the middle of a huge fight. Read More »