9. I HAVE FRIENDS
As soon as I arrive home from school for summer break I spend the next three months filling my family members in on everything that happened to me throughout the year. I expect them to smile, laugh, cry, and sob at all the appropriate moments in a story and I can’t lie, I get very angry when they don’t. I cannot comprehend why my mom doesn’t find it hilarious that I woke up next to a homeless man one morning. Even my dog is walking out on my, “and one time at school…” stories when August arrives. So it’s always exciting to get back to school and be around the people that star in all my stories.

8. ALCOHOL IS TO GET DRUNK
One of the hardest parts of readjusting to home life is drinking alcohol in moderation. When I first came home my parents would offer me a glass of wine at dinner and I would chug it down and put my glass out for more. They told me I needed to learn moderation, I told them that they needed to learn that if they wanted to get buzzed before the first course they would have to sip a little faster. They suggested I might be an alcoholic, I suggested that they suck. I can’t wait to go back to school, drink wine from a box and take shots of what may or may not be rubbing alcohol and not get stared down for getting drunk before sunset.

7. NO PARENTS
I’m very old now and so its ludicrous for me to have any rules when I’m home. However that doesn’t stop my mother from playing twenty questions every time I go out or come home. How was it? Who was there? Does she like school? What did you drink? Did you buckle up? How much did you tip? Did you see anyone from high school? Really? She got that fat? I love being at school and stumbling home at 3 a.m and having no one care. I love waking up underneath the kitchen table and not having to give anyone a reason why. Read More »

I frantically searched for my phone in my mess of blankets. Must make it stop ringing before head explodes. “Hello,” I croaked when I found it, barely able to get the words out of my parched mouth.

“We are ridiculous,” Sara groaned from the other end, sounding equally as down for the count as me.

“This needs to stop,” I agreed, as I knocked over the glass of water on my nightstand. The glass of water I had meant to down before I passed out with my clothes still on (somehow I took my contact lenses out, go me!).

Yet again Sara and I had gone out agreeing we wouldn’t drink a lot, and yet again some kind stranger had bought us round after round of shots. And we accepted (because I’m pretty sure there’s a law that says you can’t turn down free alcohol). And yet again we were paying for it; and regretting it.

So, we decided we’d go two full weeks without drinking. Two weeks proving we could have fun without going out and going crazy. Two weeks without waking up with pounding headaches and feeling like we need to stay in bed the entire day. Two weeks without having to call each other first thing in the morning to find out exactly what happened the night before and wondering just how big of fools we had made of ourselves. We are getting too old for this ridiculousness. We wanted to see if we could go two weeks without drinking at all. Read More »

My name is K, and I was in a sorority.

That is, I’m an alum. I still wear my butt-shorts to sleep at night and my Greek Week t-shirts to the gym. I have sorority jewelry, and my best friends are people I pledged with. I may or may not have my affiliation listed on my resume. And I am not ashamed.

What does irk the hell out of me, though, are the characters who, post-college, find it appropriate to judge me and still make the same assumptions that were made in college. Just a heads up, kids, but just like no one cares if you were cool in high school, no one could care any less whether you were cool in college. And by hating on me for being Greek, you’re definitely no cooler than the next a**hole.

Sure, I partied, but so did a large percentage of the independents (oh that’s right, there’s a label for them, too). Shocker, sorority girls aren’t always the drunk mess you expect them to be.

So let’s clarify a few things, shall we?

#1. No, I did not buy my friends. Surprise! I actually have other friends who aren’t Greek. Who cares where or how you meet people if they’re quality? I lucked out; my house was full of girls I clicked with, many of whom will probably be in my wedding. I could just as easily say you bought all your college friends because you paid tuition to attend a university with thousands of other people, right? You’re electing to join an institution where you will happen into people…. kind of makes you a hypocrite to call me out. I’m not picking people to hang out with based on whether or not they were in a frat or sorority in college, and if you are, you’re living a sad, sad life. Read More »

Who doesn’t love a good train wreck like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears? For us “ordinary folk” (those of us who wear Old Navy, drink PBR and dream of tetris being an Olympic sport) there’s nothing like a healthy dose of tabloid exploitation on those who live in (what at least appears to be) an alternate universe… where dogs wear juicy couture, cars come equipped with mini-bars, breasts double as flotation devices and pocket lint is laced with cocaine.

Is it true though? Or are the tabloids just running exaggerated fantasies to harpoon mass appeal? It’s hard to know because these grandiose lifestyles are perpetuated by the attention drawn to them (unless the celebrity is actually talented). Case in point — the Kardashian sex tape.

Bad publicity is good publicity, I suppose… especially for the venues that become associated with celebrity attendance (who doesn’t want to go to places where you might see a rockstar in a bar fight or catch Paris Hilton stripping down to… well… a slightly more naked version of her usual self?).

When talking about club publicity, nothing turns up the temp on a particular venue more than the drug habits of the celebrities. The scandalous behaviors of one Miss Britney Spears has made headlines for a variety of clubs in New York including an all time personal favorite, Marquee. Yes, she has been caught using drugs in the public bathrooms all around town and she’s not the only one. The question then becomes, of course, how many drugs are being done in these places? Certainly you run a high risk (pun intended) of being caught abusing drugs if you are a celebrity, but what about us ordinary folk? Are drugs swimming through the clubs as the tabloids would have us believe? Read More »

I mean, it’s Friday, one of us is half-drunk(*) before 4:00pm, and the weekend is HERE.

What else are we going to talk about?

Read More »

I don’t mean to be a Single Sally Always A Bridesmaid Never A Bride Party Pooper here or anything, but I’ve got to vent.

For as much as I want to see my friends happy and support them when they are in love, I have to admit, there are a couple things about most relationships that really gross me out. Namely? Co-dependency.

It doesn’t take long and I’m sure you have seen it. Your friend starts dating someone new. Soon, that person is all they talk about anymore. They can come out and hang, but only if they bring this new person with them. That wouldn’t be a problem EXCEPT they don’t act exactly naturally around that person. You start to feel alienated and so you try to invite your friend out for some one on one time. Canceled plans start becoming more frequent than they ever were before the ’significant’ other came into play and you feel guilty for even thinking it…but who the f*ck does your friend think you are?

A freelance for hire friend, perhaps? A…”he’s busy tonight and I’m bored so lets hang out” friend? A…”he really ticked me off and I want to vent” friend?

This isn’t just one of my friends. It’s MANY of my friends all through my history. I suppose an argument could be that I need to come to terms with relationships, but you know what? When I have a boyfriend, I don’t blow my friends off for him! Plans are plans are plans. I keep my word and I expect my friends to as well. I love the fact that the people I care about know that my shoulder is here for them to cry on, but I can’t lie, sometimes I feel a little more than frustrated with those friends who are so easily swayed to the nesting grounds.

They used to love partying until HE said it was ’slutty’ or made some comment of the sort. Read More »

Getting ready for a night out with your girls shouldn’t be you stomping around looking for “THAT” bra and pissed because you can’t get your eye shadow the same on your left eye as it is on your right eye. Getting ready for a night out, in my partying opinion, should be a freakin’ PRE GAME.

I’m talking loud music, drink in hand, and you dancing around to the songs below in your underwear.

This is my personal “Getting Ready” playlist and I guarantee that you’ll want to make it yours after you hear these songs.

“Earthquake” FAMILY FORCE 5 (Dance, Rock, Crunk)

“Filthy Gorgeous” SCISSOR SISTERS (Rock, Pop)

“Sexy Results” DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979 (Drum & Bass/Punk)

“Seventeen” LADYTRON (Electro/New Wave)

“After Dark” LE TIGRE (Electro/Punk)

“Rock Is Dead” MARILYN MANSON (Rock)

“F*ck The Pain Away” PEACHES (Electro/Rock)

“The New Black” EVERY TIME I DIE (Metal/Southern Rock)

“Horse Pills” THE DANDY WARHOLS (Indie/Rock)

“Love Me Or Hate Me” LADY SOVEREIGN (Hip Hop)

ENJOY! These songs rock and will definitely get you off of your ass and having FUN while you’re getting ready. Screw THAT bra. Go braless.

Don’t stress when you’re getting ready to go out! Dance it off.

The smell of tequila across the table from me at the restaurant is still engraved into my olfactory memory this morning. Tequila was one of my first liquor loves.

Of course when I was under age and drinking whatever was free to me, I hadn’t the slightest clue of what I actually PREFERRED to drink. However, when I moved to NYC and started to call the shots–literally–tequila was my choice drink.

But just as the rumor has it…tequila can often times lead to trouble. And after finding myself neck deep in a puke-filled toilet’s worth of trouble over and over again with tequila…I finally stopped drinking the stuff.

But last night, it’s stench made me shiver. After all these consecutive days of not drinking…what would have been a more appropriate drink to break my cycle than that instigating drink of the devil; that paradoxical beverage of poison and paradise…?

I stopped myself and munched on my spring rolls. Deep fried anything should, in my opinion, replace alcohol in a diet. (Side note: Can you deep fry a jello shot?) Read More »