You have enough things to worry about during your first few lectures; you need to size-up the professor, skim the syllabus to see which books to avoid buying, and ogle the TAs. One thing that shouldn’t give you grief is finding a good seat. If you want to start the semester on the right foot, here are a few folks you should steer clear of.

- Tweedledee & Tweedledum: They signed up for the class together, the live together, they went out to the bars over the weekend together, and they probably hooked up with the same skeezy dude. Now they want to recount the entire experience for everyone in class in the loudest whisper ever recorded…from right behind you.

If you can’t switch seats: Give them the old GASP treatment. It’s a 4-step process, Glare, Ahem, Say Something, and the last ditch effort — punch them in the face.

-Kitchen Sink Guy: He brings a traveling coffee mug, a laptop, two coats, all of the textbooks for the class, and a sack lunch. Worst of all, he tries to squueze it all onto his little desk, or worse, yours.

If you can’t switch seats: Grin and bear it but draw the line at your desk, or at least make him share some of the sack lunch in trade.

-Ms. Magoo: She can’t see the board, she can’t hear the professor and she can’t stop asking you to repeat and or clarify everything that’s going on. Essentially you’re playing Annie Sullivan to a second-rate Helen Keller; an annoying girl who listens to her iPod on high and thinks her glasses give her a case of fat face. Read More »