(We realize the title sounds gross, but get your head out of the gutter.)

The story in Hollywood seems to be that if you are already famous for one thing, it must mean you can do everything. Like design a perfume. Or an entire clothing line. Or sing. Or run an entire state.

Some of those progressions make a bit more sense than others, so I guess we can kinda, sorta understand. Like Lindsay Lohan - she grew up doing theater in school, so she can clearly both act and sing. Or like David Beckham’s newest venture… into fish sticks.

Beckham, only the sexiest man ever, is a dad, husband and amazing soccer star. Obviously all of those skills stem from fried sticks of fish (with Omega 3!). I mean, that makes sense, right? He is an athlete + he eats, so, naturally, he knows everything there is to know about sticks o’ fish!

Which leads me to believe that anyone who eats these “Fish Fingers” will somehow end up looking like David Beckham. So, I am in. Where can I get a few (boxes) of these things to pass out to every guy I know?

Paris Hilton has a new fragrance that’s called Fairy Dust (note: it is not white, and you cannot snort it), and supposedly, one little spritz smells like:

“…top notes of sparkling Prosecco accord, orange blossom, and pink peony. The middle notes will consist of spring gardenia, water lilly, and peach nectar, and the blend will finish off with bottom notes of cashmere musk, sueded patchouli, and vanilla cream“.

Now, we thought P. Hilton’s new scent was going to smell more like sweat, tanning lotion, and tepid fame, but water lilies and sueded patchouli it is.   What about you?  If you could guess, what would you guess Fairy Dust would smell like?

First Britney Spears created a perfume. Then Jessica Simpson started designing clothes. Then Lindsay Lohan threatened to bring us leggings with built-in knee pads….

And now Kid Rock will be brewing beer?!

WTF is up with celebrities trying to do it all? Just because you are good at rocking the stage (or mediocre at best, if you are Jessica Simpson) doesn’t mean that you know how to design bedding. Or a nice smelling perfume.

And just because you happen to drink a lot of beer doesn’t mean that you should start brewing it. I drink a lot of beer; do you see me coming out with a Wolverine Brew? No! Because while I know how to consume beer quickly (beer pong), I don’t know the first thing about brewing mother f–king beer.

What’s next? Paris Hilton uses a ton of condoms (I imagine); is she gonna launch a line of Paris Couture Condoms? Is Britney Spears going to release her very own Spears-Anti-Psyhoctic meds? Will Snoop Dog create his own Super Snoop Weed?

Kid, I think you are pretty good on stage, but I don’t think you really have it in you to create a beer. I mean, you are Kid Rock for God’s sake; your lifestyle is more aligned with trailers and chewing tobacco than with a nice, smooth brew. We already have Keystone, Schlitz and PBR; do we really need another low quality keg?

Would you drink Kid Rock Beer?

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Confession: I’m a beauty product junkie. So much so that two dresser drawers and a large makeup table can’t hold all the hair products, makeup, and countless lotions I own—I keep the extras in “storage,” two large plastic bins hidden in my closet.

And despite the fact that my collection is so massive that I actually hide half the stuff when my new boyfriend comes over (seriously, it makes me look disturbed)—I couldn’t help but check out the new Botanical collections from the healing garden.

I decided to cover all my bases: CALM: Tender Lavender whipped body lotion on my desk at work to soothe deadline stress, INSPIRE: Uplifting Jasmine rainwater body mist by my laptop at home to cure writer’s block, and DESIRE: Wild Ginger whipped body lotion and rainwater body mist at my boyfriend’s apartment. Alleviating work stress and writer’s block is nice and all, but I won’t lie—I was most looking forward to trying out the DESIRE lotion and body mist. Read More »

• This device could only have been invented by a man.

• Jessica Simpson and Dolly Parton to Du-et.

• Would you wear this?

• With the Hawaii Chair, you will never work out again.

• If you don’t know this band, you should.

• Jack spills beans about Project Runway.

• Kissing, Monogamy & The Future Of Makin’ Babies.

• Starbucks … Closing in a city near you.

• Avril Lavigne wants to make you smell like a slut.

• Cat Power or Frank Sinatra? You decide.

• Top Gun is really gay.

Days as a Freshman: 118
Mood: Freaked out

“Got everything?”

Rebecca turned away from the movie she was watching on her computer and looked at me, a fuzzy hat pulled down over her eyes. The heat in our dorm was doing something strange—something strange and cold.

“I think so…” I ruffled through the pile of clothes in my suitcase. “I just don’t want to forget anything…”

“Homework? Books? Extra warm socks? Sexy underwear?”

“Why would I need that fourth thing?” Pulling my suitcase cover down, I attempted to close the overstuffed bag.

Rebecca watched me wrestle the zipper around the bulging suitcase with a slight smile, sitting up on her bed to get a better look. “Why would you need sexy underwear? I don’t know…just in case something happens!”

I stopped fighting the zipper and glared up at her. “I don’t know where he lives and I haven’t talked to him since that night. Nothing is going to happen.”

Rebecca’s smile faded a little. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Me either.” I pushed my suitcase over and flopped down onto my bed, holding my head. “I just hate being reminded about how much of a loser I am.” Read More »

Sure, we’ve all heard of Demeter Fragrances, right? You know the ones I mean. The different perfumes that smell like Dirt, Birthday Cake, or Holy Water?

Well, it turns out that “real life” scents are really creating a buzz and Demeter isn’t the only one cashing in on the trend.

At Brooklyn-based CB I Hate Perfume Gallery, there are over 50 scents that are sure to smell kinda weird on your skin. But who cares about smelling good when you can smell like the following:

Pineapple and Mango: Yum! Smelling like a tropical drink on a tropical island sounds…like you’ll end up smelling like a 10 year old trying perfume for the first time. But what the hell, it’d go for it on vacation!

Lava Rock: Question: Does “Lava Rock” smell like molten magma or like burnt matches? Second question: Why would I want to smell like a natural disaster? Third: Am I normal if I say I kind of want to? It sounds exciting.

Dandelion: Ooooo, I’ve always wanted to smell annoying and ugly! Read More »

Jessica Simpson, Lauren Conrad, Justin Timberlake, Jes Whats-her-name from Rock of Love, Tila Tequila. What do all these people have in common besides pretty faces? Clothing lines of course!

It seems that every star and pseudo-star is coming out with more stuff for us to buy. You know you want to smell like Britney Spears (booze and cigarettes?) and of course we all need some Lauren Conrad boots. You can even buy Jessica Simpson hair extensions.

Every single celeb has something to sell, and we need to stop them. Immediately. Half the ladies from Rock of Love seem to be announcing clothing line launches. Mia and Jes have ties in Chii Clothing Culture which consists of cheesy t-shirts and hoodies. Nothing very interesting, but certainly helping extend their fifteen minutes of fame.

Jessica Simpson’s clothing line “Sweet Kisses” is exactly what is sounds like. Whore clothes for nice girls. Please don’t let your daughters leave the house wearing this stuff. Unless you are Joe Simpson, then you may use your daughter for your financial gain as much as you please.

Lauren Conrad’s line consists of what I like to refer to as “the bag dress,” and cheaply made scarves and shawls. These things aren’t exactly bargains, although maybe in Lauren Conrad’s world they are. You can also buy 45 dollar leggings. I wonder how long LC had to study in design school to create black leggings. Ugh, my contempt grows. Read More »