I blame Carrie Bradshaw for this

I never thought I’d say this: I feel bad for Brooke Hogan

Rev Jesse Jackson has got a few words for Obama–and they ain’t pretty!

And another Jackson just ain’t pretty at all

Similarly, Bridgette Nielson wants to get back into Playboy

Iron Man’s new role: Sherlock Holmes

You’re suppoed to take long walks–not romps–on the beach

6th grade Orchestra Camp has never looked so good

Finally, reality TV gets real: Dating on Demand

I now dub today: National Guido Appreciation Day

Yeah.  This is really going to help us grow closer as a Nation

Michael Jackson…and his kids…do weird sh*t

It’s weird, but I’ve always liked Hugh Hefner.

He’s kind of like this quiet, unassuming, kinky playboy who probably laughs as much as he screws. I respect that. He’s made a career out of vaginas and boobs, but he doesn’t really seem skeevy — at least at 80-Something. He seems cool. And really relaxed. Probably from all that screwing.

And while I can’t understand how he can tolerate those three chicks who follow him around everywhere, I do often wonder what life as Hugh Hefner is like.

Apparently, life as Hugh Hefner includes a foursome and a one-time tryst with a man.

Steven Watts, author of the new biography, “Mr. Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream”, reports that very early on in his kinky career (1949, to be exact), Hugh spent one night sexing his wife up next to his friend and his friend’s wife – who were sexing each other up on the same bed. Hugh wanted to switch partners that night, but no one was biting (metaphorically, of course). Later, Hef was finally able to attain foursome enlightenment – with his brother and sister-in-law (notice the italics. The italics symbolize my amazement that anyone could stand, let alone want, to have sex within inches of their sibling). Read More »

Old panties are a suitable replacement for a mom, right?

This past weekend at a celebrity memorabilia auction in Las Vegas, Larry Birkhead, opportunistic baby daddy extraordinaire, purchased some drawers once worn by the late hot mess Anna Nicole Smith in a Playboy spread.

Birkhead spent a reported $2800 on a pink bustier and white negligee with the intention of someday giving the items to he and Smith’s year-old daughter, Dannielynn. According to one report, Birkhead said he bought the items in the hope that they will someday help Dannielynn understand her mother’s life and that this was definitely NOT a stunt to ensure his F-List ass stays in the papers. For realzies, guys. Make sure you get my good side.

That poor, poor, poor, poor kid. First her mother and brother die, then she’s in the middle of the most sleazeball custody battle of the 21st century, now she’s gifted a piece of her mom’s history as a trashy soft-core porn star? If Dannielynn makes it to the age of fourteen without getting knocked up or becoming a crackhead, she deserves a Nobel Prize.

[Photo courtesy of OK! Magazine]

When I read Sloane Crosley’s bio and saw that she listed, “…the cover story for the worst-selling issue of Maxim in that magazine’s history” among her accomplishments, I knew her literary voice was the type that I would enjoy.

Crosley was a writer living in Manhattan, publishing stories in magazines from Playboy to The New York Times until she decided to start writing essays after getting locked out of two separate apartments, in one day.

The collection of essays make for a great read because they’re almost like “speed dating” (to quote Ms. Crosley herself). Her voice, as well as her stories, are witty, honest, irreverent and entertaining.

Take this for example: in one of her essays Sloane reveals a collection of plastic ponies she had accumulated from boyfriends over the years which she kept “semi-secretly” in a kitchen drawer, imagining what it would be like if she died one day and people found them in her apartment…

Pick up the book, I’m telling you — you’ll totally enjoy it.

OR, Participate in her Pony Project on Flickr.

Have your own drawer full of plastic ponies or other “nostalgic” mementos of love gone awry / other hilarious disappointments and minor humiliations? Share your traumatic trinkets with us.

Remember last time? Yeah, I try to forget about it, too.

Flav starts the day by telling the girls that he wants them to star in a FOL 3 calendar. Oh, no.

Buckwild and Saaphyri enter - Flav brought them in because they are entrepreneurs. Buckwild, who, in her words, “dresses like a slot machine” has a clothing line coming out, Saaphyri is coming out with lip chap.

The girls will assist with the calendar and help him figure out who should go home. What that has to do with dressing like a ‘slot’ (heh) or making lip chap is beyond me.

The best picture gets the date. Flav wants to have a sexy calendar that’ll put Playboy out of business. Is Shy giving them posing pointers? Because she watches Tyra?

Seezinz calls a meeting so that everyone can get a solo shot. Hotlanta wants the August bikini shot. Prancer’s going to be the Easter bunny? And she’s doing July? NO, you can’t do every single month.

No one thinks that Shy is hot – neither do I. That would be because Shy reminds me of Eddie Murphy.

[For the record: there are no words to describe the monstrosity of the posing] Read More »

“The Girls Next Door star Holly Madison and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner still have babies on the brain. ‘There has been lots of trying — lots of trying!’ she told Usmagazine.com at Playboy’s Ninth Annual Super Saturday Night bash in Arizona.”

But no really, for the sake of everyone’s imagination, please stop trying.

Does Holly keep bowls of Viagra throughout the Playboy Mansion trying to convince Hef that they’re M & Ms? Doesn’t Hef fall asleep after three thrusts? He’s 82. I’m sure he’s young at heart, but come on. I’d imagine that any sperm that he’s got left is bent or way too exhausted to swim very far.

And as for the title of that US mag article, I highly doubt that Hef has babies on the brain. His to-do list consists of robe wearing, a nap, eating, another nap and trying to find his way through his mansion. Trust me, being one of the oldest fathers on the planet is not on there. Read More »

This can’t be any worse than legitimate dates I’ve been on.

Golf cart or electric car? It doesn’t matter! It’s adorable!

Video: Only Paris Hilton’s best friend would be the kinda girl to release a sex tape, get butt implants, then pose naked…just like her mother.

On Tom Cruise: “He taps into the zeitgeist,” says Cruise’s business partner, Paula Wagner. He also taps into crazy. And delusional.

Five minute nose job? I need it now!

Missed L.A. Ink this season? Let us catch you up!

Hey, everyone! New buzzword for 2008! FLILF! Yeah…it’s kinda gross to me too.

Chocolate gold or chocolate gold? It’s up to you!

Arkansas man nearly throws away a million little girl’s dreams. Or a 4.3 carat diamond. Whatever.

Is oral sex really ’sex’? Let us know what you think!

Well folks, it’s time for yet another reality dating show. This time around, however there is a clever little twist. Tila Tequila, of Myspace and self-promoted fame, is the star of MTV’s new show “A Shot at love with Tila Tequila.”

The formula is essentially the same: Six weeks, find love, contestants get eliminated, one will remain at the end, and there will be a reunion special where we discover the winner really isn’t interested. Sound familiar? The big twist in Ms. Tequila’s show is her opportunity to come out as a bisexual and have 16 lesbians square off against 16 straight dudes for her affection. This should be fun.

Tila Tequila, nee Tila Nguyen, shot to fame by becoming the most popular person on Myspace as of April 2006. She has modeled for Playboy, Stuff and Maxim. She also was the number one unsigned artist on Myspace. Through shameless self-promotion and half-naked pictures, Tila has really become internet superstar. Now with her own show, she is sure to become a reality television superstar. I have no doubt the clothing line will follow soon. Oops, there already is a clothing line. Read More »

I’m trying really hard not to judge. But when it comes to Marilyn Manson, it’s damn hard for me to stay silent.

Add in a confused little girl who claims his snoring “lulls her to sleep”, and you’ve just made it impossible for me not to say anything.

In September’s issue of GQ, 19-year-old Evan Rachel Wood lets it all hang out when it comes to her relationship with the Goth rocker, defending her feelings and that weird music video where they’re making out (for way, way too long) in a rainstorm of blood.

“At the end of the video, we’re kissing and it’s raining blood – and for me, that was one of the most romantic moments of my entire life” Wood explains, going on to say “for the first time, I really feel like I’m around somebody and in an environment where I can just let go and not worry about being judged”.

While I have no idea what an actress and a vampire look-alike talk about over dinner, the thing that really freaks me out is the 19-year age difference. 19 years.

The girl is dating someone who was her age when she was born. And sure, Hugh Hefner is doing the same thing (times 3), but at least that man looks like a man! Marilyn Manson resembles some sort of feminine alien. Read More »

I’m not a porn person.

I know, I know. Shock. Surprise. Gasp.

It’s just never done much for me. I don’t dislike porn, I just don’t understand what the craze is about.

Now, look, every once in a while one comes across an image or something late night on HBO that she doesn’t mind staring at and using later, but actively seeking pictures or movies has never been something I’ve put my time into. Not because I’m not a sexual person, not because I’m embarrassed, and not because I think it’s “wrong” for girls to enjoy pornography.

I just don’t like it.

For one thing, the guy is never attractive. If he’s not hairy, he’s fat. If he’s not fat, his face looks like it got run over by a truck. A big dick doesn’t make you hot. It just means you’ve got a big appendage attached to and ugly face. There’s nothing less fantasy-worthy than a good-looking girl getting rammed by a gross dude—at least for a woman. It just reminds me of all the mistakes I’ve made.

Secondly, I find hard-core pornography disgusting. There’s nothing gross about the sexual act, but there is something unappealing about a 10-minute close up of a blow-job. I already know what that looks like, thanks. Read More »