Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year, and I’ve been faking it about three-fourths of the times we have sex (the other fourth of the time is genuinely great!). I started doing it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and because he really cares about my satisfaction, but I’m tired of faking, and now I don’t want to hurt his feelings by confessing about the past year. What should I do?

A: I’m sure many people would tell you that “honesty is the best policy,” and I agree…most of the time.

But hearing “I’ve been faking it” is tough to hear–and I should know, because I told an ex-boyfriend just that in a fit of post-breakup rage (I know). Sure, saying it out of anger is different than saying it because you’re ready to be honest about your needs and satisfaction–but if you’re planning on staying with him and working on your sexual relationship, I think there are better ways to work on that relationship than dealing him a low blow to the ego like that.

If you can get things on the right track without hurting him, why not do that?

Think about it, if he told you he’s been faking it for the past year (yes, guys can fake it!), would you be able to brush it off and jump in the saddle (so to speak) to start fresh? If it were me, I’d have a hell of a hard time feeling up for another roll in the hay.

But all is not lost. First thing’s first: stop faking. Not next week, not when it starts getting better, but now. Tonight. He won’t start doing the things that push your buttons if he thinks you’re into things you really could do without. Read More »