I watch a lot of TV, and since I’ve been homebound for a few weeks because of surgery, I have been watching more TV than should be legally allowed in the United States. Most nights, there are previews for NEW FALL SHOWS!! every 3.2 seconds, and having watched my fair share of these previews, I’d like to make a list of a few of these new dramatic ventures. A list in which I try to determine what the show is about, and how long it will go without being cancelled, from only the actors and title.

* Bad Mother’s Handbook - ABC - (premires: Midseason) With a cast that includes Megan Mullally, Alicia Silverstone, and Arrested Development’s Alia Shawkat, there is the potential for this comedy to either turn out okay or really, really suck. Mullally has Will and Grace, but she also has that horrible talk show that failed harder than Jessica Simpson’s country album. Silverstone has Clueless and she loves animals, but she’s also made a boatload of horrible movies. Based on the title, I’d say we have a situation comedy where Mullally predictably plays a hard drinking, irresponsible mother, and Silverstone plays her lovable and cheerful daughter. Hijinks ensue. Hijinks that will probably go on for about 5 episodes before getting the ax.

Gary Unmarried - CBS - (premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 24, 8:30 pm/ET) Jay Mohr and Paula Marshall (??) no doubt play either a husband and wife, a divorced-yet-still-talking husband and wife, or a shticky guy who can’t find a mate and his ever reliant best female friend. Jay Mohr tends to be funny 20% of the time. I have no idea who Paula Marshall is. And I’m so freaking tired of comedies where it’s all about finding a significant other. I predict maximum suckage and cancellation after 2 episodes. Read More »

Back in the day, a celebrity’s entertainment value was limited to only two dimensions: the big screen and the small. But with the advent of the internet, (thank you, Al!) we are now able to delve deep into their personal lives and obsess over their every move 24/7- sometimes for the good they do, but mostly for the bad.

We follow their daily mishaps online as if it were the nail-biting storyline of our favorite primetime soap. There is something so inherently beautiful about the celebrity trainwreck. You know you should, but you cannot look away.

So, in celebration of this morbid fascination, we thought we would give you the chance to choose your favorite celebrity’s next misfortune.

The following are 5 Top Tabloid Heavyweights. Click on a storyline to vote for the headline you would like to see happen next.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears’ next move?

Choose your own celebrity misfortune for Kate Moss, Ellen Degeneres, Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag after the jump. Read More »