Who doesn’t love a good train wreck like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears? For us “ordinary folk” (those of us who wear Old Navy, drink PBR and dream of tetris being an Olympic sport) there’s nothing like a healthy dose of tabloid exploitation on those who live in (what at least appears to be) an alternate universe… where dogs wear juicy couture, cars come equipped with mini-bars, breasts double as flotation devices and pocket lint is laced with cocaine.

Is it true though? Or are the tabloids just running exaggerated fantasies to harpoon mass appeal? It’s hard to know because these grandiose lifestyles are perpetuated by the attention drawn to them (unless the celebrity is actually talented). Case in point — the Kardashian sex tape.

Bad publicity is good publicity, I suppose… especially for the venues that become associated with celebrity attendance (who doesn’t want to go to places where you might see a rockstar in a bar fight or catch Paris Hilton stripping down to… well… a slightly more naked version of her usual self?).

When talking about club publicity, nothing turns up the temp on a particular venue more than the drug habits of the celebrities. The scandalous behaviors of one Miss Britney Spears has made headlines for a variety of clubs in New York including an all time personal favorite, Marquee. Yes, she has been caught using drugs in the public bathrooms all around town and she’s not the only one. The question then becomes, of course, how many drugs are being done in these places? Certainly you run a high risk (pun intended) of being caught abusing drugs if you are a celebrity, but what about us ordinary folk? Are drugs swimming through the clubs as the tabloids would have us believe? Read More »

Jail isn’t fun. In fact, jail is pretty miserable. I know, I know, you don’t believe me, right? You always imagined jail to be one non-stop party. Who doesn’t want to be in jail?

Well, Nick Hogan is saying otherwise.

What? He’s trying to tell us that jail is like…bad?!

According to a report in Page Six:

“‘Nick’s doing really bad. He’s struggling to even form a sentence,’ one friend said. ‘They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn’t understand how awful jail really is until now.’”

So there you have it; jail sucks. Well, now I guess Nick will know for the next time he decides to race his Toyota Supra while drunk, leaving his friend in a permanent coma. And shouldn’t he be thrilled he’s in a cell by himself, isolated from the other inmates? I’d count myself lucky to be roommate-less and alone in jail. It could be so, so much worse. Read More »

“Why am I like Britney Spears kids? If the state doesn’t step in, I’m not going to see 2008,” death row inmate Patrick Knight jokes in an article on a local Texan website. The 39 year old is seeking the help of the public, via MySpace, to find the perfect punch line to say for his final statement before he is executed on June 26^th.

My first thought was, this is absolutely hysterical. For one, the man is on death row and he has a MySpace page. Come on over to jail and we’ll give you free internet! But I digress. For two, he’s getting the public involved in his final statement before he dies for the murder of a Texan couple back in 1991.

That kind of stopped me in my tracks.

He’s on death row. For murder. I mean, I hate to be so overdramatic with the italics and all, but that’s pretty much how the thought occurred in my mind. (Yes, I think in italics.) This wasn’t just some funny concept anymore. This is a real man, about to be put to death for the real people he killed. If these were my parents who died, I wouldn’t be happy if their killer was seemingly cool enough with it to be making jokes on his death bed, especially if that bed was one they made themselves by the crime they committed. Knight says the contest, which he’s named “Dead Man Laughing” (no, really), isn’t for him, it’s for his fellow inmates awaiting death row. Knight says that he’s, “not trying to get any money… not trying to get any pen pals or anything like that. It’s just, jokes are needed back there. We need some kind of hilariousness. We need something to ease the tension.” Read More »

I’m not a big make-up girl. I mean, I don’t really leave the house without a little bit of blush and eyeliner and tinted lip balm, but any kind of heavy concealer or shadow looks stupid on me, and I always, always, always get that shit in my eyes. No matter what. Mascara is also my enemy.

Thank god I have long enough eyelashes, because I just can’t bare the old stinging sensation when it somehow manages (and it always does) to get into my contacts.

But for all my naturalistic ways, I can’t say I’d be happy with using Skittles and Crystal Light to make myself pretty. Thank God I have the freedom to go to the drugstore. The inmates at the Charlotte County Jail aren’t so lucky. They’ve gotta improvise.

“We get some hair grease stuff and put it on our lips.” An inmate recently told reporters, “The ink pens that I have, we use as the eyeliner. This is coffee, the eye shadow. We use the glitter from cards, so thank goodness people send cards with glitter on them.” Read More »

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Looks like we’re not the only ones whose summer agenda revolves around getting a decent sun tan, female prisoners in Gothenburg, Sweden have decided to fight for their, uh, right… to wear bikinis and sunbathe (I think that falls somewhere in between freedom of assembly and that one about arms). Even in jail, these girls demand to stay sexy, can’t argue with that.

Besides, if make-up sex is as treasured as it is, I’m sure there’s nothing better than “I’m out of the slammer can you believe it’s been three to five years” sex. Come on, no sane ex-felon would want to be pasty and pale for that.

Since bikinis are not standard issue prison clothing (surprised?), inmates are claiming that they are being sexually discriminated. The girls argue that male inmates can simply take off their shirt and get a well balanced glow while female prisoners don’t have that same luxury.

These fiesty jailbirds are currently petitioning the local prison council, and attempting to challenge them with sex discrimination charges.

Crafty, ladies! Read More »

Barcelona was so 2006. Anyone who’s anything knows 2007 is all about the Clink. Just ask Paris Hilton. According to TMZ.com, Ms. Hilton will be spending 45 days this Summer in the Century Regional Detention Facility in beautiful Lynwood, California.

Beginning June 5th, the lovely Paris will forgo Summer abroad for a Summer behind bars.

Orange is the new black when it comes to jumpsuits. Whether or not she will spend a single day behind bars remains to be seen.

But if the LA County DA has anything to say about it, be careful how you handle your soap Ms. Hilton. There will be no longer be any paparazzi to cover your ass.

Will Paris Go To Jail?