Hey, remember Trapped in the Closet? You know, R. Kelly’s AMAZING twenty-three part R&B soap opera chronicling the twists and turns in the life of protagonist Sylvester (R. Kelly) and about ten million secondary characters who are all tangled in the same sexy web of lies and interconnected boot-knockin’? Well R. Kelly’s Trial Debating Whether Or Not I Am In Fact A Huge Creep That Pisses On Underage Girls On Video is like Trapped in the Closet, but so so so much more kick ass.

To give you a little background, it all started in 2002 when music critic Jim DeRogatis was given a video by a currently unnamed source featuring what appeared to be R. Kelly giving an allegedly underage girl money, then getting a BJ from her, having sex with her, and pissing on her. DeRogatis broke the story in the Chicago Sun-Times, and shortly thereafter R. Kelly was charged with soliciting a minor for child pornography, seven counts of videotaping the acts, and seven counts of producing child pornography. Now, six years after the initial indictment, the trial has begun and it’s like the sexy remix of the O.J. Simpson trial. Read More »

So in the land of the rising sun, a woman was trapped in the closet. Oddly like R. Kelly. Since she was there for like a year, I imagine there were some moments not unlike those found in Mr. Kelly’s masterwork. What am I talking about?

Well for those of you who ignore the news clickers no doubt found to the side of your email logins, in Japan (aka: Weird Capital of the World) a homeless woman was caught living in a man’s closet. Not for like a week. Not a month. A year.

And the guy was living there. Not just in and out. He lived there.

Seriously, she was like his secret roommate. Like a mooching ninja. He wouldn’t have noticed anything if food didn’t start disappearing. How quiet was she if he never heard her? Or did he hear her and just assume it was just his neighbors making noise? You know, coming from the direction of his closet…In his apartment. Read More »

R. Kelly.

Judging by his recent foray into rap musical sagas, one can only imagine that the guy either takes himself way, way, way too seriously, or has biggest sense of humor ever.

But here’s something else Kelly has a lot of: pending child pornography charges.

So, why hasn’t he even stepped foot inside a courthouse?

The obvious answer is that our justice system is screwed up, and lawyers can keep you running from charges that are over 5 years old for as long as your money holds out.

Besides the 21 counts of child pornography filed in June of 2002 (over a sex tape allegedly made in 1997, which prosecutors claim shows Kelly having sex with a girl around 14 years old), there were 12 other counts (filed in 2003, but not included in the main trail) of allged pornography attached to photographs of the singer and another naked under-aged girl.

While most offenders face a maximum of 15 years in prison if convicted of such acts, Kelly has successfully pushed his trail back time and time again; a jury selection scheduled for September 17 the most recent postponement. Read More »