I’m going to say what everyone is thinking. Ludacris is a modern day Shakespeare. Yeah, I said it, someone had to. If you don’t know every word to “Roll Out (My Business)” then I’m not sure you can be considered an American.

What could be better than a modern day Shakespeare? Pair him with today’s JFK or some other awesome leader of yesteryear. That of course, is Barack “Yeah I did coke, so what?!” Obama. Luda plus Obama? It’s like Batman and Robin, peanut butter and jelly, Paris and Nicole, boxed wine and passing out on a sidewalk! They just make sense together.

Naturally I was psyched when Barack and Luda first met up to talk about AIDS, empowering the youth or bling. My hopes were built up by a conversation that I could only assume they had.

Ludacris: YOU’S A HOOOO, OHHHHH!
Barack: Together… we can change America, Ludacris.
Ludacris: Yeah man, you’s going for that number one spot.
Barack: I want you, to be… my running mate.
Ludacris: YEAHHH Baby. Hells YES we CAN OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LUDA! YEPPP! Read More »

Last time, four new broads showed up in the house because the original season girls weren’t pretty enough.

Of course the originals think that these girls have nothing on them. Let the naming re-begin:

First girl is called Black because that’s what she’s wearing.

Second is Prototype because she says that she’s perfect.

Third one calls herself Luscious D.

The last one is supertall. Prancer thinks that she’s a man and I might too. Flav calls her Tree and says that she’s the black Bridgette Nielsen. That can’t be a good thing.

So I think that the old timers are just fine – they are going to put aside their differences to take down the new ones. Flav is unable to sleep because they are SCREAMING at each other. This happens like every night and twice a day, no?

Amid the screams, this is the only line that I hear is: “What is your education level? Do you got a GED?” Read More »

Run D.M.C.: Christmas in Hollis

There’s nothing like a classic Christmas jam to really make you feel in the holiday spirit. Check out “Christmas in Hollis” and get in the mood!

R. Kelly.

Judging by his recent foray into rap musical sagas, one can only imagine that the guy either takes himself way, way, way too seriously, or has biggest sense of humor ever.

But here’s something else Kelly has a lot of: pending child pornography charges.

So, why hasn’t he even stepped foot inside a courthouse?

The obvious answer is that our justice system is screwed up, and lawyers can keep you running from charges that are over 5 years old for as long as your money holds out.

Besides the 21 counts of child pornography filed in June of 2002 (over a sex tape allegedly made in 1997, which prosecutors claim shows Kelly having sex with a girl around 14 years old), there were 12 other counts (filed in 2003, but not included in the main trail) of allged pornography attached to photographs of the singer and another naked under-aged girl.

While most offenders face a maximum of 15 years in prison if convicted of such acts, Kelly has successfully pushed his trail back time and time again; a jury selection scheduled for September 17 the most recent postponement. Read More »

Heidi from The Hills wants to be a singer…or a mediocre popstar who lip-syncs in concerts while wearing tiny outfits.

She’s on her way to the mediocre part. Medicore with a side of lame, thanks to her big-headed boyfriend Spencer Pratt.

“Body Language”, a song recently leaked to Ryan Seacrest (and subsequently the whole world) is apparently not the first single from Montag, but is obviously on her record, so I am going to judge it.

The tune itself isn’t horrible. It’s not fantastic, but since it samples a catchy, retro beat, it may just have a life in the clubs.

The major problem with “Body Language” is the rap stuck in the middle—the rap that is rapped by Spencer.

Camp Montag and Pratt claim the rap was “just a joke”, but I’m sure it was totally serious until radio listeners everywhere deemed it the weakest attempt at bad-assness since Avril Lavigne. Read More »

If you had told me two years ago that K-Fed would turn out to be the responsible one in the relationship he had with Britney, I would have asked you how many times you listened to Popozao, how loud your speakers were when you did so, and if your brain had been mutilated in the process.

But I would have wrongly insulted you, because Kevin is certainly turning out to be the best thing his kids can hope for.

A few days ago, K-Dawg began serving papers to a few close acquaintances of Britney, cousin Alli Sims being one of them. The horrible rapper’s lawyers claim many more “acquaintances” of Spears will be served, body guards and nannies most likely included.

After hearing the bad news, Britney went out and did what any certifiably insane person would do; cruised a drugstore for cheap candles and a $12.95 Hallmark gift book entitled “50 Truths Worth Knowing”. Read More »