[I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is - in a word - whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.]

This month: 75 Crazy-Hot Sex Moves. Inevitably, variations of the same “ingenious” sex moves, tips tricks, “advice from real guys” (oddly enough, 19-24 year old males speak in the exact manner of Cosmo’s writers) are published every other month. November’s issue does not disappoint, but there were a few gems that even a die-hard Cosmo Girl just ain’t down for.

#2. “Intensify his orgasm by placing two fingers an inch behind his balls and feeling for a dent…For the last 30 seconds before he comes, massage the spot in a circular motion.”

Ok, I’m all for orgasm intensification, but not at the stake of my man’s butthole. Even Cosmo shows a little uncertainty about anal relations (“It’s totally cool…but make sure it’s ok with him first.”—they don’t include a disclaimer about permish before any of their other moves…), so I’m not so ready to venture that close while my target is rapidly thrusting and moving every which way. Additionally, there are tell tale signs that a guy is about to orgasm, but I don’t know if I’m skilled enough to identify them half a minute in advance. Cosmo has this very odd way of giving hyperprecise timing instructions for many of their moves… Read More »

I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is - in a word - whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.

Case in Point: His Body Reveals What He’d Never Tell You

This month, Cosmo attempts to decipher the inner workings of the male mind via seemingly trivial physical cues (again.) You’re man’s scratching his ear? He’s prob cheating on you. What’s that? He blinks more than 50 times in a minute? His favorite sports team is winning. Seriously though, the things that Cosmo interprets from the following random body language are hardly the earth shattering revelations I thought I was in for.

Printed to the nines in red and black boldface, I immediately assume that this article contains crucial, non-regurgitated info. What I find is quite a lot of previously printed concepts, some “DUH” points, and (obv) euphemisms for penises. Read More »

MTV wants you to be informed in 2008.

The network has recruited 51 youths to report on the 2008 presidential election using blogs, videos, and animation. Sounds…innovative?

The vehicle for these reports will be Think.mtv.com, which is MTV’s political and issue based website geared toward viewers with an interest in social action.

According to the Associated Press, “The participants in the program will be equipped with laptop computers, cell phones and video cameras and tasked with finding political stories that will particularly resonate with young people. Participants in the “Street Team ‘08″ project have profiles on Think.MTV.com. MTV recruited one member from every state as well as Washington D.C.”

This is good news! Mostly. As long as MTV goes the Gideon Yago route and not the Vanessa Minnillo route when it comes to who they’ve recruited to report election news in the coming year. If this political milestone becomes overshadowed by the fact that the chick reporting from Mississippi is smoking hot, then well, I’d rather watch The Real World. Read More »

I’m not going to lie. I have wanted to be on the Real World pretty much since the first season. The amazing houses, free food, cool jobs, and a reality TV career for the rest of my life? I’ll take it. I always wanted to be the annoying bitch too. Look at Beth—everyone hates her (with good reason) so they invite her to everything just to cause drama. For money in the bank, I really don’t care if America despises me.

While Beth is still a struggling actress over ten years later (honey, give up already), Trishelle from the Vegas season seems to be spreading her acting wings. With appearances in such classics as Lingerie Bowl 2006, and Playboy TV’s Girls of Reality TV already under her belt, she seems well on her way to… something. I always thought she was kind of a hussy, but perhaps this next movie could shoot her to the top of the list with the likes of Reese, and Angelina.

Keep your eyes peeled this summer for Ninja Cheerleaders starring none other than Trishelle Cannatella. Honestly, y’all—I thought this was a joke when I first saw it. Whatever will they come up with next?

‘How do you feel about Trishelle’s acting career?’

What could be more exciting than ditching a semester of classes to live 3 months of your life shacked up with 7 strangers inside a fishbowl? You got me, but get this, MTV has recently announced that they will soon begin casting for the 20th season of the “Real World”- and according to TV crunch “this time around, the wanning music network is looking for more than just semen-slurping sorority girls.”

MTV says it is “searching for cast members with career and life goals that they want to pursue in a major metropolitan city.”

“Aspiring actors, models, dancers, filmmakers, musicians, athletes, artists, journalists, stylists, and fashion designers are particularly encouraged to apply, as well anyone else with interesting career goals and a passion to succeed.”

You might be saying to yourself, “well sign me up!” Well Here You Go.