There’s a magical wonderland I’ve dreamed up in my make-believe social circle where people only date people who their friends don’t know. There are unicorns and wizards and lots of parties and gatherings that are NOT awkward in this wonderland. Unfortunately, this is a magical wonderland. Not reality.

In reality, we’re all very disturbingly gross, incestuous lovers. Not only do most of my friends know the guys I date, but most of the guys I date know the other guys I date. It’s really fun, let me tell you. But I’m not the only one jumping through these intertwined romantic hoops. Many a friend of mine, actually, has dated another friend of mine. It seems to be the way the world works.

This is all fine and dandy until the couple starts paddling down good ol’ sh*t creek. It starts with a complaining IM message, email, text, or phone call. One friend is coming to you to have a heart to heart about what friend number two did wrong to hurt his or her feelings. And just like a Los Angeles smog, awkwardness starts seeping down from the sky and choking the entire room.

What am I supposed to say in these situations? Which friend am I more loyal to? What the f*ck? Read More »

Ending a relationship with someone, no matter how long you’ve dated, is never an easy thing. You have to face someone and tell them – in more or less words – that you don’t want to be with them anymore. For many, it can be quite devastating to the heart (not to mention, the ego).

So, how do you deal?

Some go for the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse. It makes sense; it’s always easier to come up with some reason that conveniently puts the blame on you rather than telling your soon-to-be ex that he really isn’t that funny and you’d rather stab your eyes out with a fork than hear another one of his lame jokes. And, sure, by doing so, you save face and spare their feelings, but ultimately, you’re not being completely honest if you can’t come out and tell them exactly why you’re ending it.

If I’ve ever had to break up with someone, I always try to be as honest as possible, but keep his or her feelings in mind. For example, when my ex and I of four years were falling apart (and even though I still loved him at the time) I knew I had to cut the cord. When I sat him down to discuss why we needed to break up, I was honest: we were killing each other, fighting all the time and I knew it wasn’t going to get any better, ever.

It was an incredibly hard conversation to have, but after 4 years, I felt he deserved that respect. Read More »

Some relationships are hard to define. Some relationships are hard to fit into a category. Most are just flat out HARD! Which is why I decided to stay single. I don’t really have time for all the crap that comes with a boyfriend.

But what’s a girl to do about sex?!?!

I’ve done the one night stands….not fun. For me it just leads to awkwardness and, in some cases, physical pain. But somehow in the craziness that was my freshman year, I found the wonderful relationship called the Friend with Benefits (or as a friend from home calls them, a bene-friend), who somehow became one of my best friends.

It all started when the girl across the hall decided to introduce me to one of her friends from high school. She thought we’d really hit it off, and surprisingly enough, we did! He was funny, cute, smart, and a total gentleman, which pretty much sums up my qualifications. But this was a week before we’d leave for semester break, so we didn’t really do anything. Until February.

I hadn’t heard from the boy since December and upon logging into Facebook I found unread message from him. Yay! I wrote him back. He wrote me back. We laughed. We exchanged screennames. We started talking on AIM. Then one night we had dinner. Next thing I know we’re laying in my bed naked. I’ll admit, I didn’t want to, but he really did and I still thought he was ridiculously cute, so I had sex with him.

And kept having sex with him. I couldn’t help myself! Lord knows I can’t turn down amazing sex, and believe me, that’s what it was. Read More »

The Long Distance Relationship.

It sucks, but I keep telling myself that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I’ve been in an on and off relationship with this guy for eight years. Yes, we first started dating when I was about ten. That’s a very long time, and we’ve been through a lot, including six month periods of not talking at all. Times where I was depressed and mopey and times where I was rebellious and happy.

He’s my best friend, my love, and the one I’m pretty confident I will be with for the rest of my life. Well, we got back together, again, and now my boyfriend has moved across the country. Yet another hurdle to overcome.

Instead of getting angry or upset, I decided to look at the situation in a positive light. I could go visit for a few weeks, and he would be home for holidays. It can’t be that bad. In fact, I just returned home from a two and a half week visit with him, and it was the most amazing trip I’ve ever had. That vacation definitely solidified everything I’ve felt about him for so long. Yes, LDRs are difficult, but they can be done. If you are willing to work through it like we are, it will be worth it in the end.

But it will be work, so here a few things to keep in mind when you and your man go long distance: Read More »

Lately there has been a lot of talk of Promise Rings as a sort of pre-engagement commitment. I just can’t seem to grasp this whole trend.

A promise ring?

Maybe it’s all the religious hype that typically surrounds them, or maybe I don’t understand what the promise is, exactly (a promise to love each other? To save yourself for that person? To not cheat or stray?), but they just don’t make sense to me.

I thought being in a committed relationship meant all that already, so why a promise ring?

People have told me I’m unromantic and cold, but here’s the thing: I’m not unromantic. I’m a realist. I believe people fall hard and then get hurt hard. I also, however, truly believe that people do fall in love, but I don’t think all the hoopla is necessary in order to prove or show it.

I, personally, don’t think it’s necessary to use a piece of jewelry to prove your love for someone. Some may argue that the jewelry is a symbol of your love, but I think actions and emotions expressed are sufficient enough. My boyfriend and I love each other, but a ring isn’t what I need in order to keep our love in my heart. Read More »

From the time I was 18 until I was 25, I was almost always in a relationship. So when I moved to New York City in the Fall of ’04 to pursue my dreams, I welcomed being single with open arms. This was a time for me to be me and not Jess Connected to Someone Else. I was 3,000 miles away from everything and everyone I’d ever known and was chasing my dreams. This was my time to shine.

The first year was great. I delved myself into my studies, my social life in and out of school, and working. I was too busy for a boyfriend and I had countless experiences and made countless friends that I probably wouldn’t have if I’d been in a relationship at the time. I got to dive head first into the fashion and social world of NYC, something I’d only thought could happen on TV and had experiences where I often found myself asking, “Who am I and how the heck did I get here?”

As year two of being single came along, I was a little more antsy about finding someone, not to mention a tad embarrassed that I’d been in New York (a city of millions) for over a year and couldn’t find someone to snuggle with. But I was still livin’ the life and accepting my singledom.

Year three came and went - without a boy - and now that I’ve hit the four year mark, well it can be downright depressing.

I’ll admit it, having been single for four years has taught me a lot about myself and my personal independence: how much stronger I am (emotionally, mentally and physically) than I ever thought, and how I truly can make it on my own. In that same breath, though, it’s been extremely tough and oftentimes makes me question my self-worth: what could possibly be wrong with me that I can’t find a boyfriend? What am I doing that scares men off? I’ve gained a bit of weight, could that be the problem? Read More »

Once upon a time, there was a girl. And her friend. And a boy.

Girl meets boy, girl likes boy, girl’s like is clearly unrequited. Friend hates boy, friend grows to like boy, friend and boy go out.

And boy, did the stinky brown substance hit the fan.

Rudge from The History Boys defined history as, “one f*%king thing after another.” This can also be applied to the demise of this relationship. One argument turned into some petty fight. Over a boy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, but back then, when they had a bust up, to a girl like me who’d always held the Hoes over Bros rule golden, this was sacrilege.

No, there are no happy endings, and no, they never made up. Yes, I am bitter and disillusioned, and yes, this is exactly why I don’t believe in hoes over bros anymore.

On Gossip Girl, Serena did the unforgiveable and slept with her best friend’s boyfriend. And sure, her best friend was angry and wanted revenge, but ultimately, she took her back. On One Tree Hill, Peyton nabbed Lucas’s heart, while her betrayed best friend, Brooke, was hurt. The scenario with my two friends, certainly didn’t end up like this. Three years of friendship and somehow a boy was still more important. Read More »

Rarely while I am writing a story for CC do I find myself changing my mind about the subject halfway through. However, as I sit here with my can of sugar free Red Bull trying to muster up some energy for whatever kind of weird crowd will be at the bars during the summer on Thirsty Thursday, I had a sudden change of heart.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at music festivals this summer, like waaay more than anyone who isn’t obsessed with Jerry Garcia and The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test should, so I have run into a few very interesting characters, to say the least.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m not a whole fan of the hippie lifestyle. I’m extremely liberal and I love me some tye dye & hemp necklaces & moonshine just as much as the next chick. I just prefer to have clean underwear and hair that smells more like strawberries than Mary Jane. But the one thing I have never found appealing are the dreadlocked, banjo-playing, I-ate-way-too-many-mushrooms-once kind of crazies you run into at festivals – who basically live and breathe the whole scene.

I have a best friend; however, who is notorious for falling in lurrrve with every boy who writes her a sonnet and accompanies on his harmonica or enchants her with stories of touring with The String Cheese Incident. She’s a sucker, that’s for sure. I always wondered: How is it humanly possible that my friend who is gorgeous, intelligent & about to graduate with a B.A. going to seriously consider dating someone who is jobless, degree-less and (presumably) showerless? Read More »

So, I’m the queen of bad decision making. I probably shouldn’t embrace this to the degree that I do, but screw it; I think with my vagina sometimes and I love being spontaneous.

When my ex-boyfriend offered to buy me a plane ticket to go visit him for a few days, I knew exactly what was up. We’d had some sexy online conversations during the recent months (in fact, I even blogged about our sexy confrontations a few times before) and sex, after all, was what had kept us together (in my opinion) when we were dating. I accepted the offer, hopped on the plane and wrote the whole thing off as a vacation in my mind, even if nothing more happened.

But of course more did happen. Of course we had sex multiple times in multiple ways in multiple places. Of course we cuddled and reflected on days of old. Of course things felt the way they felt when we dated.

Yes, I know that everyone thinks this is a bad idea, but after having spent some time and thought on this recent voyage of mine, I believe ex-sex can be done, if you do it right. If you are considering it, don’t write it off just yet; I’ve got some tips for a successful trip down memory lane: Read More »

A few weeks back, I shared a story involving me, my boyfriend and one crazy bitch. The girl refused to leave my boyfriend alone and I thought that having my boyfriend tell her to back off, then me, very forcefully, telling her to back off, would’ve been enough. Not so, people.

She didn’t get the not-so-subtle hint.

This biotch, who I’ve dubbed “Rachel” has struck again and this time, I am unsure of my next move. If telling someone to leave you alone doesn’t do the trick, what will?!

So, I am enlisting the help of my fellow CC-ers to steer me in the right direction. Below are some plans of action that I am considering. I need your unbiased opinions to help me make the right next move and get rid this crazy girl once and for all.

I could confront her, again. This time, face to face, in public, so she has no way of hiding behind her phone or computer and her naïve little, “I’m too good for everyone” façade will be shattered into a million little pieces. Read More »