The other day a friend of mine counted the amount of times I used the word douche. The number was shockingly high, something like 20 times within a half an hour. This got me thinking….I was either very irrate about something and was on a ranting rampage, OR there are many types of doucheness. So, I thought I would break it down so you too can put to use this fantastic word.

Webster’s Definition of DOUCHE:
The true definition of douche is: a jet or current of water, sometimes with a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, applied to a body part, organ, or cavity for medicinal or hygienic purposes. or; to use a douche or douches; undergo douching. Vaginal douches may consist of water, water mixed with vinegar, or even antiseptic chemicals.

Okay. FIRST OF ALL…Does that sound painful to anyone else? Have any of you actually tried this? I’d really like to know.

My Definition of a DOUCHE:
Here’s the thing, douche has its varieties and I’ll have to break them down for you.

RICH DOUCHE:
The rich douche usually will do something like order your meal for you at dinner while saying something patronizing about what color lipstick you’re wearing and how it clashes with your dress. Rich douches usually say snide things about poor douches and visa versa. He most likely has Daddy’s money or Daddy’s company, and has dated his fair share of waify blondes wearing pearls. The rich douche would never enjoy a divey pub or roll around in the grass with a Labrador, instead he’ll have a greyhound and think pubs are for Irish invalids. Take him to The Palm or he’ll just go hungry. Read More »

A 35-year-old graduate student in Chicago is conducting the best social experiment since The Real World. For the next year, she is going to live as Oprah advises.

She’ll take tips from O Magazine, Oprah’s web site and of course everyone’s favorite hour of television, the Oprah Winfrey Show itself. She’s recording her expenses and experiences on a blog to share it with the Oprahsphere and curious fans alike.

She’s approximately 12 weeks into her journey and so far it’s been expensive, tiring and thought provoking. After juggling school, work, family, participating in spiritual bootcamp on Oprah.com, our herione is starting to question the feasibility of the average person “living their best life” or at least the lifestyle Oprah prescribes. Read More »

“Good Morning Upper East Siders…It’s Gossip Girl here...”

Similar to the infamous and mysterious Gossip Girl, I too can wake up in the morning, open my curtains, and look out over a street that is located in the idealized glamorous neighborhood of Manhattan’s Upper East Side. But, unlike Blair, Serena, and the other over-privileged characters, my window looks out over the street from my fourth floor tiny studio…in a walk up building (this means i climb four flights of stairs everytime I come home to my apt, no elevator).

You may be wondering how this is possible for a recent college graduate struggling to make it in the most expensive city in the world to be living in such close proximity to those who live the wealthiest and most luxurious lifestyle imaginable.

Well, contrary to what many people think, beyond the extravagant buildings and penthouses occupied by the rich, this area is actually one of the most affordable in the city for young adults. Why? Many prewar walk up buildings (like mine) that are older, lack an elevator and doorman, and are closer to the river (a farther walk to the subway) are in this area. Read More »

Joe Francis is more than just a sleazebag rich kid who cajoles drunk girls into making out and flashing their boobs.

He’s more than a crybaby who had a panic attack in jail and was tied up in his own home. He’s more than an obnoxious frat boy in a designer suit.

Joe Francis is a good guy.

At least according to Joe Francis.

Meetjoefrancis.com is the Girls Gone Wild creator’s new online endeavor to show the world that his past behavior was all a misunderstanding…something he’s been plagued by his whole life.

“I’m excited to have this opportunity to introduce myself to you personally.” Francis writes on his homepage.

“Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being misunderstood.”

“From as early as the first grade, when a teacher’s aide took offense at my efforts to get her attention by putting a tack on her chair, to more recently, when a certain Southern judge took a relentless interest in putting me behind bars, it seems that I have been in a constant struggle just to be understood as a regular guy trying to get by in life.”

Putting a tack on someone’s chair to get attention? More like putting a tack on someone’s chair to watch them sit on a tack and laugh. Read More »

I have a special place in my heart for terrible teen television. The O.C., Degrassi, Instant Star, South of Nowhere, Dawson’s Creek: I just can’t get enough of it. The cheesy acting, the terrible love dramas, the catty bitch fights. I LOVE IT.

Which is why I am pumped for my newest terrible teen television drama Gossip Girl. Being an angsty teen is hard enough but when you’re rich, pretty and living on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, life is so bad it’s good. I’m pretty sure I watched the trailer five times because I was THAT excited.

There have been reviews. The New York Times profiled the show while five real UES Manhattan girls watched the first episode. And a few have even written that Gossip Girl is nothing to gossip about. But this is no Arrested Development, people. This is bad television.

The acting is sub par and the plotline monotonous (teens drinking and doing it… not anything new), but this time instead of sunny California it’s New York City.

And a location change is enough for me to be interested. It’s new! It’s fresh! It’s probably awful and I love it. Read More »

Have you ever heard of aSmallWorld? Um, probably not, unless you own your own island in Fiji and drive an Aston Martin.

Ever since the launch of our dear old Facebook, there have been many similar social networking sites popping up, and this recent one that I have learned about is probably the most pretentious of them all.

Apparently, aSmallWorld.net, is a very exclusive, members only networking site for ridiculousslllyy rich people. According to the New York Times, it was “founded four years ago, and promoted as a Facebook for the social elite…it has grown from about 500 members to about 150,000 registered users.”

Sound like something you are interested in? Well, don’t even think about attempting to join, it’s an invitation only membership.

“The site functions much like an inscrutable co-op board: its members, who pay no fee, induct newcomers on the basis of education, profession and most important, their network of personal contacts.” Now do you understand where the UGH factor comes in to play?

And, don’t worry, there is one more truly disgusting part of this whole shenanigan:

Users are mostly young– 32 on average. What freaking business are these 32 year olds and younger in where they are able to comment on the website’s forums with inquiries such as this: “If anyone is looking for a private island, I now have one available for purchase in Fiji.” Seriously. That is a direct quote from one of the members. Read More »

In an effort to make it seem like all women are money hungry gold-diggers, the Internet has birthed yet another dating site for rich dudes and the greedy girls who want to use—er, I mean, date them.

Girls, are you sick of looking for a sugardaddy in all the wrong places? And rich guys, is it lonely being loaded with cash but not looks? Search no further than MillionaireMate.com.

This newest installment of shallow dating sites proclaims it’s “where wealth and beauty come together for the ultimate online dating experience”, and allows members to check availability boxes such as “casual date”, “pen pals”, “casual sex/party”, “discrete relationship”, or “travel companion”.

Although I’m not sure what the difference is between “casual sex” and “discrete relationship” (or “casual sex” and “travel companion”, for that matter), the options on MillionaireMate.com do more than enough to disgust anyone who isn’t either a) greedy or b) desperate. Read More »