Well, VH1 is doing it once again — making the loser of a reality dating show the star of their own show. First it was Miss New York, who lost twice on Flavor of Love only to go on and lose twice on I Love New York.  Now it’s Daisy (the freaky clingy one from Rock of Love) who’s about to try her luck with televised dating.

In case you don’t watch any of VH1’s reality shows, after doing everything (and I do mean everything) including getting her ass kicked by a past contestant to try to win Bret Michaels’s affection; Daisy was totally denied and had her little heart crushed on national TV.  Now, Daisy gets a “real” shot at love, and she’s the one with the passes in her hand this time! Bret Michaels who?

With a few seasons of VH1 reality shows under my belt, I can’t say that I didn’t see this one coming. Daisy was the same type of possessive, clingy, addicted girl as New York.  She spent most of her time on Rock of Love 2 either having sex with Bret Michaels, like New York with Flav, or crying over Bret Michaels, like New York with Flav. It was only right that she too got her own show — just like New York.

I hate to be negative, but I don’t believe one single person has found their true love through reality shows, and I’m starting to wonder if they ever really intend to. I don’t foresee Daisy’s relationship lasting after the season finale.

I do, however, foresee her show being packed with the same over-dramatic, drunk, sex-induced insanity that all the VH1 reality shows provide (thus why I adore them!).  If you loved Daisy on Rock of Love 2 or are just plain interested in getting on TV, they are doing casting on the internet.

You still have plenty of time to be a part of the VH1 madness and/or Daisy’s lover.

I love animals. I always have. I had dogs, rabbits, birds, and fish growing up. Never for one moment have I ever thought that animals aren’t ‘alive’. Never for one moment have I thought that they can’t feel. And I still eat meat.

I have absolutely nothing against vegetarians. Many of my friends are vegetarians and, in fact, I was a vegetarian myself for a couple of years in high school. However, I H-A-T-E being talked down to by the occasional vegetarian/vegan who comes my way and feels it’s his or her duty to “inform” me of anything related to the subject matter. I hate it almost as much as I hate religious people who feel the need to damn me to Hell via conversation. I almost hate it as much as the smell of burnt hair. I hate it almost as much as I hate Daisy from Rock of Love 2.

Why all of the hate?

Because it’s not anyone’s place to tell me what to eat. Read More »

Last episode, the USO show of horrors went off beautifully and there was KJ drama.

This episode begins with the girls working out. I’d been wondering if the girls worked out while they were there, especially KJ, Daisy and Megan, because they seem to be in the best shape and you have to work to maintain that sort of thing.
After the workout, KJ calls Joe, her second husband with whom she hadn’t spoken in two weeks, and starts telling him in her vague crazy way that she really wants a divorce.

You crazy broad, I thought that you’d already filed for divorce?!? Joe’s reaction makes it clear that things were possibly heading toward reconciliation before KJ fell in love with Bret. In like three days. She loves him. Please.

Bret escaped the house while all of the above transpired. I don’t blame him. Though I wonder if he was driving through LA with top down on his car while blaring Poison. Because that would be the smoothest move and he might get some non-reality show camera whore tail.

Big John and his super slick hair deliver the “sexy six” their strip-o-gram. Did he smooth his hair when he walked away? He is the true star of this show. Read More »

Last time: Forget it, who cares.

It’s morning at the Bret House O’ Tramps and Inna’s having a rough time because during the previous elimination, Bret told her that he feels like they are losing their connection. (Like wireless?)

Inna says that as she feels more for Bret, she knows that she’s not stepping up. Meaning that she’s keeping her pants on. It’s got to be exhausting to be in that house for any amount of time dealing with all of the stupid and the tramps.

Big John and his freshly done ‘do give the girls their strip-o-gram outlining their challenge for the day. Two older ladies are in the living room with Bret and he tells the girls that he and Big John are big supporters of the troops. By ‘big supporters’, he’s clearly referring to their flag bandanas, as they have matching ones I’m sure. Read More »

Last time: mud bowl, Bret kept everyone around for this episode and – God, I don’t care, just cut to eliminations now please.

Episode 6 starts bright and early in the morning. Bret wakes up the girls and Big John, who I find to be more and more intriguing with each episode, hands Pey-ton a Bret-O-Gram (what the hell are they calling these?) to read aloud outlining the challenge for the day.

Where is Bret from, like, Pittsburgh? Any Pittsburgh girls want to come out and tell me if there are any cowboys out where you are?

I ask because the challenge is broken down into three events involving greased pigs, lassoing and horses. Anyway, Rodeo and her “hellish laugh” come out on a horse to help with the Rocker Rodeo Relay and I hate the people who named this challenge. Just like the Mud Bowl, there will be two teams and the MVP will win a solo date while the remaining winning team members get a group date.

Team captains again get to choose their teammates. Catherine and her beehive lead the blue team (Inna, Peyton, Daisy and Megan) and Ambre leads the red team (Destiney, KJ and Jesssica).

Stupid Megan thinks that the girls are jealous of her hotness and that’s why no one picks her. No, stupid, it’s because you probably don’t understand the rules of the games without diagrams and finger paint. Read More »

Last time: Aubry looked a fool and…that’s really it.

It’s the morning of Episode 5 in the ROL house and nine girls remain. Rather, three women, one dummie and five skanks. Big John gathers the naughty nine or whatever Bret’s calling them; I don’t know because I’m so fixated on Big John’s scarfless head. Unlike Bret, lurking under Big John’s scarf is a full head of his own hair. He even styled it. Big John’s on the prowl for leftovers!

The challenge for this episode is Bret’s Mud Bowl 2. Daisy the Blowfish says that she’s never played – good, I hope that you get injured.

The teams are named the Sweethearts and the Fallen Angels, which sound like cheesy girl biker gang names. Bret looks absolutely ridiculous in shorts with those chicken legs. Dude, my grandpa’s legs are buffer than yours. Read More »

Last time: boobs, Trantastique and germy make outs.

Onward…

The morning of episode 2 begins with Peyton the whiskey voiced informing whiskey hangover Courtney that she’s out. A girl named Sara makes known that her family has no idea where she is and that she’s on the show because of a dare. Since Aubry fang face is already labeled as the big mouth, she runs to tell Bret, who keeps that information in his jeans pocket.

Trantastique reads the challenge and despite the subtitles, I have no idea what she said.

Niki with the two-tone hair translates it and thinks that they’re going to be in a talent show. Turns out, the girls have to perform in a peep show booth for 30 seconds. If he likes when he sees, Bret will pop in a token for 15 extra seconds.

Wow. Nice to bring that 8th Avenue/New York City 25 cent peep show class to L.A. Read More »

Welcome the first of many recap parties for VH1’s Rock of Love 2. I’d like to thank you for reading this because it means that on some level, you share a love (whether open or closeted) for craptacular television.

But let’s get started, shall we?

Episode one is almost aptly named ‘Back on the Horse.’ Certain gossip blogs were kind of enough to post pictures of the contestants before the show’s premiere. Neigh. Is that the sound that horses make? It’s been a long time since pre-school.

I must admit that I was pulling for Brett in the first season. Despite the fact that Poison sucked and that he at times looks like a transvestite when he removes the bandana, I thought among the strippers in the house he’d find one with a heart of gold. Well, he did, but I digress…

In the beginning of the episode, Brett pulls up to the mansion and his hair looks like it was made in the Mattel factory. The girls don’t notice how unnaturally long or synthetic it is and cheer upon his arrival. Read More »