Back in the day, a celebrity’s entertainment value was limited to only two dimensions: the big screen and the small. But with the advent of the internet, (thank you, Al!) we are now able to delve deep into their personal lives and obsess over their every move 24/7- sometimes for the good they do, but mostly for the bad.

We follow their daily mishaps online as if it were the nail-biting storyline of our favorite primetime soap. There is something so inherently beautiful about the celebrity trainwreck. You know you should, but you cannot look away.

So, in celebration of this morbid fascination, we thought we would give you the chance to choose your favorite celebrity’s next misfortune.

The following are 5 Top Tabloid Heavyweights. Click on a storyline to vote for the headline you would like to see happen next.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears’ next move?

Choose your own celebrity misfortune for Kate Moss, Ellen Degeneres, Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag after the jump. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 69
Mood: nervous

“We’ve got a few minutes before class is over, if anyone has any questions about anything…” Professor Mullen looked around the room, taking her glasses off her face and leaning against the board.

English 205 was one of the harder Freshman English classes, but word of mouth had made it one of the most popular, especially with guys. Professor Mullen was around 35, tall, blond, and aggressively smart. She had a good sense of humor but wasn’t afraid to put people in her place, and most guys had a thing for being “reprimanded by Ms. Mullen”.

“What about the soccer scandal?” A girl in the front of the class raised her hand, a bunch of pink bracelets clanking together on her arm. “Don’t you think the school should be doing more to find out what really happened?”

People who had been dozing during the lecture suddenly perked up, and my notebook doodling grinded to a halt. Next to me, Rebecca stiffened, and I could feel her eyes slide over to my face. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 58
Mood: totally freaking out

“So how do you combine these two molecules again?”

Sasha looked up, his adorable forehead knotted in frustration. I knew the answer, but something about his eyes catching mine stopped the flow of language to my mouth.

“It’s simple. You should have it in your notes. Here.” Grabbing Sasha’s notepad, Daniel Breely began to flick his pen across the page, shaking his puffy-haired head and mumbling under his breath.

I met Daniel B. (he insists everyone ad the “B”) during orientation, and quickly realized he would be a good ally to have. He’s one of those tall, skinny guys who wear pocket protectors with pride and he actually eats lunch at a table marked with handmade signs proclaiming “Caution, Geeks” and “Dorks Do it Better” in red marker. He’s got a reputation on campus as being the most genuine nerd alive.

He also helps people study for tests for $10 an hour.

Hiring Daniel B. to help Sasha and I with our Chem midterm was my idea. Needing some way to calm my anxiety about the whole Soccer House scandal, I decided having the most mind-numbingly flat personality in the world sit between Sasha and I would ease the tension.

Nothing but work would be talked about while Daniel B. was around. It was written in his “freelance tutor” contract.

“Hey, Grace?” Breaking my concentration on Daniel B’s tower of hair, Sasha leaned over, “What are you doing after this?” Read More »

In the wonderful world (bubble) of a college student, it seems very little can be accomplished without an adequate “pregame” beforehand. It’s common to hear exchanges like,

“Wanna go bowling tonight?”
“Dude yea! Let’s pregame!”

“We should go see that new horror flick guys.”
“Hell yea, but it’ll be ten times scarier if we smoke the herb first!”

“Putt Putt?”
“Tequila!”

So if anyone can understand why there has been an outbreak of drunk astronauts, college kids take the cake:

“Ready for take off?”
“We got a couple minutes, man. Finish the flask”

Hollywood never called dibs on juicy scandals, so NASA decided to join the fun. Controversy has broken out when a recently published article in an aviation mag exposed NASA for allegedly sending astronauts up into space whilst wasted. Yes, you read right, sloshed, hammered, intoxicated. Houston, we have a problem. Read More »

Fresh off the teetering heels of Miss New Jersey’s photo scandal comes another. This time the photos are allegedly not so PG. And who would expect less from LiLo?

According to a “real” Gchat between Lohan and a celebslam.com owner, the photos were stolen from her computer by a hacker who left a file on her desktop letting her know of his dirty deed. The pre-rehab pics are naked photos of Lindsay taken by ex-boy Calum Best.

In the Gchat, she warns CelebSlam editor Nick that her lawyers have already been notified of the missing pics. Nick notes at the bottom of the chat that Lohan’s Gmail address is real and is not the email address released to the public earlier in the year.

I’m not sure why Lindsay is so heated about the pics; doesn’t she remember America seeing her Poonan when the paps snapped her photo sans undies? It’s really nothing we haven’t seen before.

But to the hacker who stole the pics, I say thanks. Not that I want to see Lindsay’s lady bits again, but celebrity news has gotten a little boring since LiLo got sober. Read More »

I’ll be the first to admit that I did some messed up shit to my frenemies during my younger years. One time in middle school, my friends and I poured Snapple and mashed strawberries in a girl’s backpack because we were fighting for absolutely no reason.

Seeing as our military isn’t in middle school (though they are in a similar predicament: fighting for absolutely no reason), I’d expect a little more tact from them. But apparently the U.S. military has come down with the mean girls-syndrome that I suffered circa the strawberry incident.

No, they didn’t mash strawberries in the backpacks of Iraqi extremists. But they did do some very Regina George-esque plotting to create a gay bomb to use against enemy soldiers. A gay bomb. Seriously.

A watchdog organization that tracks military spending exposed the U.S. military’s plan to build a bomb that could turn opposing soldiers gay—consequently shifting their focus from fighting to sex, CBS reported.

The watchdog group found that “the Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another.” Read More »