I know that a lot of people like horror movies. I know this because a lot of people tell me they like horror movies, and also because Saw V is just about to hit theaters (the 5th installment of a plot that basically consists of scary machines and blood). There’s something about watching other humans scream in agony that a lot of people can’t get enough of — but I am not one of those people. I’ve never been one of those people. Since I came out of the womb, I have been scared to freaking death of horror movies.

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Why.

5) When Things Pop Out In An Attempt To Scare, I Always Get Scared

I know that it’s like, part of the fun, or whatever, when the music suddenly swells and a creepy things pop up all creepy, or someone is grabbed ,or a face appears in a mirror, but that sh*t gives me a heart attack every time. I lose my breath and my heart flips out and then I get really violently angry. Like I want to punch the TV for doing that to me. I get scared and then I get pissed and then my whole day is ruined.

4) Weird Noises Always Happen Afterwards

Whether I’m back at my childhood home, in a dorm, or at my apartment, after watching (or accidentally watching) a horror movie, weird noises will keep me awake all night. It never ceases to amaze me that it happens every single time. The wood creaks, my closet door won’t shut all the way, something scurries across the floor…my bedroom isn’t haunted until I watch a scary movie. Then it’s haunted. Totally, Ghostbusterly, haunted. Read More »

As summer bleeds into autumn, and the school- work comes piling in, we are rapidly approaching Halloween - the first excuse to throw a huge party since Welcome Week.

Sure, Halloween might be, as Cady Heron puts it, “the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it,” but it’s also the basis for urban legends on college campuses across the country.

You might have outgrown ghost stories in high school, but many college students seriously believe the legends and lore that shroud their school, and swear that they have experienced a haunting somewhere on campus.

Hollow Hill, one of the internet’s oldest and most respected paranormal info centers, claims that college campuses are actually prime locations for hauntings and poltergeists. According to the site, “Poltergeist events most often occur when there is someone between ages eight and 25 nearby.” With tens of thousands of students falling into the 18-22 age bracket, this certainly fits the mold. Read More »

Sesame Street is no longer safe for kids.In a hilarious New York Times article, Virginia Heffernan jokes about the very real warning on the DVD for volumes 1 and 2 of Sesame Street: “These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”

After subjecting herself and friends to an “all-ages” screening of the 1970’s version of the kids show, Heffernan bemoaned the “damage” the show’s gritty early years caused her psyche.

“The show rolled, and the sweet trauma came flooding back. What they did to us was hard-core. Man, was that scene rough. The masonry on the dingy brownstone at 123 Sesame Street, where the closeted Ernie and Bert shared a dismal basement apartment, was deteriorating. Cookie Monster was on a fast track to diabetes. Oscar’s depression was untreated. Prozacky Elmo didn’t exist.”

Even though I was nothing but a faraway dream in the 70’s, I remember tuning into Sesame Street during my early years, somewhere around 1986. While I’m pretty sure Elmo had been ‘born’ by then, the images my pre-school eyes witnessed were not the saccharin filled pictures that flood PBS today. Read More »

I kid, I kid!

Okay, I think we can all agree that Carrot Top, even when he first popped up in Hollywood, was no Justin Timberlake. He wasn’t even a Screech.

But he also wasn’t appearing in my nightmares, either, waking me up in a cold, cold sweat, like he is now.

I know we here at College Candy have mentioned the ginger-kid “comic” before (and that was one too many times) but seriously, DOUBLE-YOU-TEE-EFF?!

What the CRAP is this?!?!? There are so many things going wrong with this man, that I’m about to fall over and have a brain aneurysm:

1. The hair. We get it. Big, poofy, curly orange hair. It’s your thing, it’s your gimmick. It’s bad.

2. The eyebrows. The dyed black eyebrows. Orange eyebrows would have been better than this.

3. The mesh tank top. Mesh tank tops should never be worn, under any circumstances. Especially this circumstance.

4. The…muscles? Do these things even qualify as biceps? They are mutant-like and asymmetrical.

5. The “Carrot Top” patch on his jeans. Blegh.

The weirdest thing (and weirder than the obvious plastic surgery) is that there are celebrities everywhere that actually resemble Carrot Top, and I’m not the first one to notice: Read More »

My roommate is scared shitless by Carrot Top.

She won’t look at pictures of him, runs from the room if he happens to come on TV, and refuses to even say his name.

She won’t explain her fear, just whisperes that “him and a ventriloquist doll are two the scariest things you could ever see at the foot of your bed in the middle of the night.”

While my phobia is not as rampart as hers, I completely understand the fear.

The dude was weird looking even before he started on the ‘roids, but now that he’s jacked, he barely resembles a human.

Something is seriously wrong with his face, but it’s hard to tell what.

Did he get weird plastic surgery? Did the steroids melt his features a little?

Is he transitioning into a giant, muscular woman?

I hear he’s big in Vegas, which can only mean one of two things; A) people who are drunk and have lost all their money to slot machines go see him in an attempt to put themselves out of their misery, or B) they like freaks. Read More »

“The first step to meeting men is eye contact. Just one little lingering look can start an entire adventure…”

Yes, well, sure. Eye contact is always the perfect way to let a guy know that you’re interested.

If you can do it.

Now, maybe this seemingly simple task is almost impossible for me because I don’t wear my glasses when I’m out, therefore making it sort of hard to tell if a guy over three feet away is actually looking back—but I think there’s more too it. I think eye contact is actually much scarier than those dating websites would have us believe.

Writing about doing it is easy. I can type about it till I’m blue in the face, advising everyone to totally lock eyes with a boy on the subway, in a bar, walking down the street…it let’s them know you’re interested! It’s a good way to flirt!

But for some reason, putting it into practice is hard. I’m not the shiest person you’ve ever met, but if I think a guy’s cute, it’s really difficult to look him square in the face and smile. I’d much rather look at whatever’s directly above and to the left of him; that way, I can take little peeks without him knowing. Read More »