Days a Freshman: 109
Mood: totally surprised

“At first I thought I didn’t remember anything.” Sammy walked over to her desk, touching the knickknacks and papers surrounding her small laptop. “But every couple of days or so little bits of sound or a weird flash of a picture would pop up out of nowhere.”

“Your hallway bathroom is disgusting.” Rebecca pushed through Sammy’s door, droplets of water falling onto the carpet from the hot pot. “I didn’t want to touch anything.”

As soon as she closed the door, the energy must have hit her, because Rebecca stopped walking and stared at the back of Sammy’s head. “What?” she asked, letting her eyes slide over to me. “What?”

“I started telling Grace about what happened.” Sammy kept her attention on her desk, playing with a small green stapler. “I think she should know.”

“Oh.” Rebecca set the hot pot on Sammy’s puffy comforter. “Okay.”

“If it’s a big deal…” I leaned farther against the dresser, wishing I could lean myself right out of the room. “If it’s a big deal you really don’t –”

“Well, I was super wasted, so it’s not as big of a deal as you would think.” Sammy picked up the stapler and spoke to it. “Its not like I have all the gritty details. I got to the party drunk, hung out with Justin and some of his friends in the house, smoked some pot…and then I was sitting on a couch…” her voice wavered, fading in and out like a radio with bad reception. “And everyone tells me I was making out with some guy for a while…Sasha, I guess…”

Rebecca’s eyes slid over to me, but I looked away. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 102
Mood: Stunned

“So, your Thanksgiving break was okay?” I did my best to keep in step with Rebecca, trying to match her quick, clipped pace. We had driven off campus for a little early holiday shopping, hitting the mall in the afternoon in hopes of short lines and empty stores.

“It was fine.” Rebecca kept walking like she was in some kind of Olympic trial, looking straight ahead, focused on the large department store in front of us. “I want to look in here. For my brother. He needs some shirts.”

I was aware the Rebecca’s brother was in Iraq, and aware that it had been a strained Thanksgiving without him, but beside a few single-syllable answers about the whole event, Rebecca had been uncharacteristically tight lipped about her break.

“Is he doing okay? Your brother…?” We stepped into the harsh florescent of the department store and kept speed walking towards the men’s section.

“He was the last time I talked to him. Which was for five minutes before my dad grabbed the phone and my mom started crying.” Her long hair hid her expression, but the tone of her voice said it all; Rebecca and her family had issues. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 74
Mood: Stressed out

I peeled my apple slowly, concentrating on taking off as little of the inside part as possible. I kept my eyes on my hands. It was easier to talk to them this way.

“So he told you?” Crystal asked, leaning over my shoulder as though the answer was in my lap.

“He really told you?” Naima leaned in as well, pulling her jacket closer as a cold breeze pushed our hair and the leaves in the trees around us. Today was one of those rare November afternoons where it was still warm enough to sit outside in the sun, and Crystal, Naima, Rebecca and I had left our notes in the library and come out to the steps for some air.

“He told me. Probably not everything, but enough.” I handed the apple skin to Crystal who promptly ate it. She hated waste of any kind. Especially food. “He told me about MaryAnne’s cousin. And at least what he remembered about that night.”

“Wonder why he told you” Crystal mused, her mouth full. “He must really like you.”

As a friend, I thought, almost slicing my thumb with the knife I had stolen from the dining hall. I’m a great friend. And that’s all. Read More »