[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]

Nina Hartley is an extremely successful adult film star with 650 different video appearances under her belt. Starting off as an exotic dancer in the ‘80s, she is now a published author and an award winning actress for both sexual and non-sexual roles. I met Nina when we both served on a panel about modern sexuality for the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco. I asked her to give me some of her wise wisdom about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

Me: Do you think sexual freedom (through porn, sex outside of relationships, etc.) is good for the advancement women, or detrimental to the advancement of their self esteem?

Nina: Sexual freedom and autonomy are vital components of women’s greater equality in society. We are adults, not children in need of protection. Whether or not a woman’s exercise of this freedom is good or bad for her depends upon her making choices that are consistent with her values and beliefs. When we do things that go against our understanding of ourselves and the world, bad things usually happen as a result. My choices wouldn’t be good ones for very many women, nor would their choices be good for me.

M: We all know the key to being sexy is confidence. Do you have any special advice for being, or even just appearing, confident? Perhaps something you picked up through the industry? Read More »

No matter how confident we are, women are always second guessing themselves. Especially in the looks department. And it doesn’t help that men are all, “blah blah - we love sex - blah blah - we’d do it with anyone.”

What does that say about us? What does that say about the way the guy feels about us?

I was really curious to see if guys really can just stick it anywhere, and if they did not care who they were sleeping with as long as they were gettin’ some. I for one could never imagine sleeping with someone whom I was not attracted to (with or without alcohol), but I’m not a guy.

It seems that dudes will stoop to any level to get laid, but is that the case? Read More »

Alright ladies, we’ve got to talk. This Ugg boot thing is getting out of hand, and it needs to stop, now! These disgusting excuses for footwear are killing your sex appeal, style and any pretty much everything that is good and right in this world.

Before you know it, every college dude everywhere will have to take Viagra for the rest of his life just to get it up because of prolonged exposure to the damn things. And there’s nobody to blame but yourselves.

Ugg boots have been around for years, and have recently become a solid staple of the female college student’s outfit, across the country. The question that we as guys have is, why the hell do chicks continue to wear these horribly unflattering footwear?

From what I gather, they are extremely warm and girls insist that this is the only reason they’re wearing them- but that doesn’t mean they don’t look freakin’ stupid. And it also doesn’t explain why girls want to wear them in balmy weather. See, if you’re cold all the damn time, there’s probably something wrong with you and you should see a doctor, not a shoe store clerk… Read More »

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last four years, it’s this: Girls. Dig. A**holes.

Seriously. There are a lot of us who actually ENJOY meeting - and dating – this special breed of douche.

Okay. I might be EXTREMELY overgeneralizing here, but I have seen a wide range of chicks fall for guys who treat them like absolute sh*t. I’ve seen girls who stick with their sub-par lovers for years and can’t give you a straight answer as to why they put up with it.

I probably fall into this category as well; nice guys like me all the time, yet I constantly shy away from them in favor of their more dramatic/mysterious/douchebag-y counterparts.

This might be like flossing a dead horse - or watching a Tina Fey as Sarah Palin SNL skit (again, not that I’m complaining!), but seriously, why the hell do nice guys finish last? And whose fault is it, really?

A few of my theories : Read More »

Ladies, I’m sure you’ll agree with me: one of the most important aspects in any serious relationship is the sex. There’s no denying the physical and emotional needs for it, so what happens when you’re not getting any?  I had never anticipated being in a sexless relationship, so it came as a shock when my guy had a confession: he valued love and intimacy over the physical act of sex.

Right.

Naturally, it was a blow to my self-esteem. Was it me? Was I not sexy enough? Did the thought of me naked make his manhood shrivel with disgust? Read More »

I don’t know about you, but growing up, I was definitely not confident.

Most of my insecurities stemmed from the fact that I was deemed “gifted” in grade 2 and taken out of class for one day every two weeks for enrichment activities. Since I was only 7 at the time, no one, including myself and my teachers, hid this from the other kids and, for a couple years, I didn’t see any need to. I was still a normal student, only I got to do harder schoolwork.

Then grade 5 rolled around and my teacher basically created an entirely separate curriculum for me, segregating me from all my classmates. And that’s when the bullying started. I’ll spare you the story, but basically my friends abandoned me, calling me a “freak.” I know now that this was only out of jealousy, but up until recently, it hurt. As a result of this, until grade 10 I was content to be quiet, simply finishing my work and not really getting involved for fear of ridicule. I even pulled out of the gifted program for a while in an attempt to fit in.

And then in grade 10, something happened. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment or reason, but I decided to get involved. I joined our student council’s cabinet and attended a 4-day leadership conference and slowly but surely began building my confidence. I made friends within student council and leadership groups who were like me; smart, motivated and, honestly, a little bit weird. Read More »

I have an inner Chub-Scout. Sometimes, on binge days, she gets embraced a little tighter than usual. I use the term to be funny about it, and it tends to get a laugh, but it’s the bane of my existence.

By looking at me, you probably would just be confused by this statement until you saw me on this “binge” or “cheat” day. I’m your average twenty-something: purposefully purchasing jeans that do not induce OSTS, and have even been called ‘thin’ by the rare observer. Which is nice. But in my head, dear reader, it’s sweet but simply not true.

Bottom line is: no matter how I look now, I was the fat kid.

I know what you’re thinking: if I appear to be an average-sized girl now, what difference does it make that I spent my childhood chubby? The weight didn’t stay with me, right?

Not even close.

A fat-kid complex isn’t something you can shed by counting calories and drinking your eight glasses of water a day. Not when you’ve been on a diet half your life, have dealt with the name-calling and — what can actually be worse — being flat-out ignored. You’re stuck with those memories of the gangly girls in your elementary school classes calling you “fat” with that look of disdain, like you’re a failure at life because you’re bigger. You’re ignored by the boys you have crushes on in junior high and high school, convinced that your fate is to go unwanted.

And so it’s been ingrained in your head. You don’t know why it has to be this way, but what you are is not good enough. Period. Read More »

The thought of bathing suit shopping will make most women cringe. Those harsh lights. The mirrors. The way your legs look super pale after a winter of sweat pants and Uggs. And the extra few pounds that found their way onto your ass since the last time you saw yourself wearing so little.

Who would enjoy that?

I remember the first time I went bathing suit shopping with my mom. I was young, naive and didn’t care what my pudgy body looked like in that Barbie bathing suit. But my mom was a different story. I remember hearing the now-familiar gasp/shreik combination as she pulled on suit after suit…and came out empty handed…in tears.

It is sad but true (and recently proven in a poll by Fitness Magazine): Shopping is no leisure activity. In fact, to most women, it is a nightmare for their self-esteem. Fitness magazine polled 1,001 women about their experiences with shopping and some of the more staggering statistics are below: Read More »