You know, I didn’t really think there was a substantial amount of damage to survey this Thanksgiving on the Upper-East Side. In fact, tonight’s Gossip Girl episode was more like a slice of pumpkin pie than a carving station. Even Nate’s dad getting handcuffed and taken to jail was quite the heartfelt moment, as far as FBI’s most wanted list goes. Oops, did I just ruin that plotline for you? Read More »

Prominent themes in tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl included “Change of Heart,” “Tumultuous Backstories,” and “Going on Day-Dates in Lingerie.” Damn, I love this show.

Where shall I begin? Let’s start with the bad and work our way up to the “OMG!” Little J and Agnes had a change of heart, which prompted a fight, an attempted betrayal, and a nutso Agnes lighting the J. Humphrey Designs dresses on fire in an alley. Hey, at least Agnes admitted to being crazy.

Meanwhile, (perhaps the biggest 180 of them all) former ice crotch Eleanor Waldorf falling in love (gasp!) with Cyrus, played by Wallace Shawn, a funny looking little man you may recognize from Sex in the City, Clueless or The Princess Bride. Anyway, of course Blair is not pleased, and sets out to destroy the budding romance. Read More »

So, after last week’s steamy, scream-at-the-tv episode, it’s only fair to give the GG writers a break this week. Sure, tonight’s ep was full of underage drinking, fights, and Rufus trying to send Little J to jail, but it wasn’t as nail-biting as some of its predecessors. Of course, this only means that tonight’s episode was a vehicle to set up some MAJOR dramz next week and the week after.

Blair is still hell-bent on going to Yale, even though her little tiff with S. a couple of weeks ago may have maimed her chances. The solution? Serena gets Blair to babysit the Dean’s niece to earn brownie points. Only problem (and who didn’t see this one coming?) is that little Emma is on a mission to lose her virginity.

Gossip Girl put it quite poetically: Lady B…outsoxed by a young fox. Because, of course, if there’s a young, horny virgin on the prowl, she’s bound to get intercepted by the one and only Chuck Bass.

Favorite line of the night, courtesy of Mr. Bass: “The only thing I like aged is my scotch.” LOVE it.

However, Mr. Bass laments to Blair that he holds very few things sacred, and one of those things is humping in the back of a limo. How sweet, in a pervy Chuck Bass kind of way. Needless to say, the jailbait bounced and hit up a club in search of Mr. Right Now.

Meanwhile, Little J. is planning her big, risque fashion debut… at a charity gala being thrown in honor of Lily and Bart. Like that doesn’t have “disaster” written all over it. She pulls the “Do you care about me?” card with Nate…isn’t it a little early to try to whip your new boy toy, Little J.? Nonetheless, Nate takes the bait and the next thing we know, GG is loading Jenny and Nate’s second kiss into an RSS feed. Read More »

Woah. Woah. Woah. What did everyone think of Little J’s new look tonight? It’s sexy. It’s rocker-chic. It’s a cross between Ashlee Simpson and Hannah Montana. But way cooler.

Early in the episode, Blair commented to Dan, “Look who finally got a little interesting.” Meh. Dan’s still boring old foot-in-his mouth Lonely Boy to me, but Jenny! Jenny is the Humphrey who finally kicked it up a notch tonight.

Tonight was one of those nights where I screamed at my TV like a maniac. We got new characters, tons of partial nudity, and two fabulous lust stories unfolding, all in approximately 42 minutes of screen time. Chuck and Blair are still playing games, and daring each other to say the infamous “Three Words.” And you know what? I want them to freaking say it already!

Blair is so desperate, she’s taken to Lonely Boy for advice. And he delivers: “Keep your pride and get nothing, or take a risk, and maybe…maybe have everything.” Of course, Dan can’t walk away when he’s on top, so he sabotages Blair after Debbie-Downer Vanessa tattles on Blair and Chuck’s love games that she got served last week. Dammit, Dan!

Meanwhile, Jenny’s been hanging out with one of Eleanor’s models, Agnes, who keeps pointing out that Eleanor is just using Jenny. Agnes has the perfect solution: let a 15-year-old high school dropout start her own fashion line! Not that that would be the most ridiculous storyline that GG has offered us. So Jenny decides to go Brooke-Davis, swipes her designs from Eleanor, and jets off to take her top off with Agnes and her sexy photog friend. Because what would GG be without some gratuitous baring of flesh? Read More »

Everyone was playing games in last night’s Gossip Girl episode, and the ending was juicier than a game-winning three-point shot at the buzzer of the NCAA tournament. I was jumping out of my seat!

Bart and Lily decide to play a little role-playing game and make the Bass-Van der Woodsen clan more akin to the Brady Bunch than the Kardashians. Curfews? Family dinners? You know that’s not going to last long.

Vanessa’s trying to raise some money to save a bar from being demolished, and decides to play the Game of Blair. That is, she threatens to blackmail B with a saucy photo of Duke Marcus and his skanky stepmom (remember them? Has it been so long since they fled already?), which brings me to the first red-hot GG quote of the night:

Blackmailing seems to work for you, so I thought I’d give it a try. Now that we’ve established that I own you, you have 6 hours to get 1,000 signatures.

Oh, Vanessa; you can pass “GO” and collect two million dollars for that move.

In Humphrey news, Dan literally starts playing a new game: soccer. If you missed last night’s episode, you missed Lonely Boy begin his transformation into Jock Boy, the ever-faithful sidekick of sexy Nate Archibald. But yes, Dan made the soccer team, and yes, it gives him more excuses to play with his new mancrush, Nate.

Of course, the best game of the night is Blair’s Cruel Intentions-style bet with Chuck that he can’t seduce Vanessa…and then leave her behind, humiliated, of course. But, of course, if you’ve seen any teen movie involving bets, wagers, and the “cool” guy hanging out with the “loser” girl, you know the outcome. Although, these movies usually involved Freddie Prinze, Jr. and NOT Chuck Bass. Read More »

When last night’s episode of Gossip Girl opened with a spoofy Eliza Doolittle dream sequence, I wanted to throw up in my mouth. However, what unraveled over the next 42 minutes (not including commercial breaks) was one of the juiciest, drama-filled, completely-untrue-to-high-school-life episodes of the season.

I freaking loved it.

All of our favorite Upper East Siders are getting ready for college. Which makes me think: my alcoholism peaked in college in a Keystone-Dubra-Keg Party blur. These “high schoolers” drink martinis for breakfast. What will happen to them after graduation?

So, obviously the GG writers have to come up with an elaborate scheme to get everyone to Yale for College Admissions Day. What better way to do so than by having Blair slam Serena, and Serena fight back by flaunting her hot Blake Lively self for the Dean of Admissions? You know something’s gonna go down when the kids’ Headmaster advises them to “present yourselves in the best possible light.” Yeah, right.

To put it in a nutshell: Chuck wants to join a secret society. Nate’s dad has a bad rap at Yale, so Nate pretends to be none other than Dan Humphrey in order to shack up with a collegiate hottie (Ladies– would you EVER shack up with a high school boy on a school tour? To answer my own question, I guess I’ve never seen a minor who looks like Chace Crawford…). Oh, and did I mention that Yale has decided to change it’s “stuffy” image, hence the interest in Socialite Serena? More on what I DID NOT find believable later.

In typical Chuck Bass fashion, blindfolded, non-English-speaking prostitutes show up in threes to *cough* impress the members of the secret society Chuckie so desperately wants to join, but what these guys really want is a piece of Nate Archibald. Hmmm. So Chuck sets up poor Lonely Boy to get beaten and tied, half-naked, to a gazebo. (Editor’s Note: Is tying a skinny kid in his boxers to a statue really the best a secret society can do?) Where was this when I was scoping out potential unis? Read More »

I have a confession. When Joey Potter chose Pacey Witter over Dawson Leary, I was pissed. I mean, the show was “Dawson’s Creek,” not “Pacey’s Creek.”

That said, Gossip Girl seems to be taking a similar turn this season, as the supporting characters are totally stealing the spotlight. How ironic, considering that last night’s episode was all about Blair’s insecurity and the dark shadow that Serena casts on her. Let’s just get right down to business and discuss.

This week’s GG lesson? Your whole life is fulfilled when your photo appears in US Weekly, apparently. And if you aren’t photographed by the paparazzi at the age of sixteen, apparently all of your conniving plans to take charge of your mom’s fashion show and upstage your (former) bff will blow up in your face and bring great success to everyone else. Read More »

The theme of last night’s Gossip Girl episode was post-dating awkwardness, as displayed by Serena and Dan, Lily and Rufus, and Vanessa and Nate. The ep also had at least two major shockers, some really random limited-time alliances (Chuck giving Dan a guy-code peptalk, what?), and Ed Westwick in a purple suit that looked like it was left over from Pee Wee Herman on Ice. I guess GG’s wardrobe department can’t win them all.

Three episodes into the season, and we’re just now getting into Back-to-School season. Hence, the lavish drama-inducing party is replaced by upscale bars that serve teenagers, and the Colorful-Martini-on-White-Dress shtick from the Vitamin Water party is replaced by some sort of acid formula that burns the victims’ hair right off her scalp. Ouch.

Am I getting ahead of myself? Here’s what you need to know: Serena and Dan are each having qualms about seeing each other back at school, while Blair and her drones are preparing for their yearly initiation of potential newbies (which Jenny failed at last year). This creates the perfect set-up for new character Amanda’s entrance. Just as Blair explains to Serena that whomever dates first wins, bam! Dan bumps into Amanda, which can only have a tragic outcome. Read More »