It’s a battle of the ages. Do blondes really have more fun? Are red heads always saucy? A new study out of London has all the answers, and it seems your hair color reaches far deeper than your roots….

The truth behind those golden locks is that blondes have more going for them than simply being more fun. Those damn blondes also have higher self-esteem and are more likely to go after the things they want in life. Like your boyfriend.

Those bitches.

But don’t worry, brunettes; blondes can’t compete with you in the workplace. The study discovered that brunettes earn higher salaries on average than those blondies. Brunettes are also most likely to be wooed by the world’s richest men (cha ching!).

That is, of course, if a millionaire has never slept with a red head, because, according to the study, those fiesty ladies have the best sex lives of em all.

Which is why I’ve been dying my hair red for years.
Take that, blondes.

Open relationships are not just a thing of the past, something your parents tried out on the weekends back in the 70’s before STDs existed. They are alive and well today. And I’m here to explain some of the pros and cons of such a relationship for those of you who may be interested in giving it a try, or who want your friend to give it a try so you can get with her boyfriend that’s too hot for words.

I have a good friend, I’ll call her Sandy, who recently decided that open was the best kind of relationship, so all of my advice is the direct result of her actual experiences that have been rehashed to me. My friend’s trial run didn’t turn out so well, she and her boyfriend eventually broke up, but she insists that it wasn’t all bad and that she’d do it again given the opportunity.

Cons
1) Your significant other is f**king someone else

This falls under the category of obvious, and something that can’t be emphasized enough. Someone else is hollowing out your girl, or on the flipside, your boy is balls-deep in a different box. I don’t think there’s really too much more to add here. I personally couldn’t stand the idea, but from what I’ve been told, when both partners are hooking up with different people it’s a lot easier. The trouble for my friend started when she wasn’t getting any from outside sources and her bf was getting a lot.

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So the other day I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to have a little date with a speculum. That’s right, ladies! A gyno appointment! Vajayjay invasion before most people were sitting in their cubicles! Nothing says good morning like lubed-up metal and poking fingers.

The only thing that was worse than realizing some lady in pink scrubs got more intimate with me than a dude has in months was realizing just how many months it’s been — and having to say it out loud. See, for us single gals, going for your annual pap is a big, giant reminder of your past transgressions…or lack thereof. Have you slept with too many losers? Haven’t slept with anyone since the last full moon? Were you so drunk you can’t really remember if you used a condom or not? And how about your pubes…when was the last time you shaved or waxed?

I mean, all of those questions and more are answered when a girl goes to the gyno, and the answers aren’t always awesome. For instance, I realized I’ve been without sexy time for enough months to basically compile a year, and when the doc asked me when me last sexual encounter was, I let out this weird half-laugh, half-moan and cut my celibacy in half. I was embarrassed to tell my gynecologist about my empty sex life! Who am I? Read More »

When I was 15, I got my first boyfriend. We fell in love, had sex for about three months, and then broke up.

I was devastated. Like many young women, I had internalized the idea that a “good girl” only ever sleeps with one guy. In a society where sex before marriage is no longer taboo, sex in a relationship that doesn’t last forever is still frowned upon.

Perhaps the breakup wouldn’t have been as hard to bear if I had been able to better differentiate between sex and love. It took me many years — and many partners — to learn that sex doesn’t have to equal love in order to be good.

Unfortunately, I did learn that sex needs to be free of emotional baggage in order to be good. On the rebound from my first relationship, I f#cked my way through my grief. Nothing ever satisfied, and each breakup left me feeling even emptier.

I eventually screwed myself, figuratively at least. I got into an emotionally abusive relationship that ended with some tough lessons a year and a half later. Basically, after 18 months of possessiveness and jealous accusations, I slapped my boyfriend, and he promptly turned me in for domestic violence. A moment’s bad decision cost me $650 in fines and restitution, and nine months of therapy. Read More »

When my doctor recommended I get my first gynecological exam at 18, I freaked out. I had spent the entirety of my life watching my mom pace and sweat for the three days leading up to her exams, so it wasn’t necessarily something I was excited about.

In addition, I was still a virgin and couldn’t understand why on earth I needed to go, not to mention the fact that being a virgin left me less than comfortable with my nether regions.

But I went.

Unfortunately, my mother had to leave town the day I was scheduled, so I actually went alone. And, surrounded by pregnant women, shook like a leaf by myself in the waiting room.

“Is this your first time?” A very pregnant woman took notice of my sweaty palms and incessant toe tapping.

“Mmmhmmm.” I wiped my palms on the Motherhood magazine on the chair next to me.

“It won’t be that bad. It’s not nearly as bad as the first time I had sex.” Awesome. Not only was this woman discussing her sex life with me, but she was giving me a reference point I couldn’t understand. But I didn’t get the chance to ask her about it, because at that moment the nurse came out and called me back. Read More »

Confession: I wear high heels to the grocery store. And to run errands. And to get the mail. And well, just about everywhere.

As a top-heavy petite girl, I rely on heels to balance me out and give my legs that lean, toned, non-stumpy look that tall girls seem to be able to pull off in a pair of bunny slippers.

I’ve had my share of bad heel experiences, but flats have yet to get a second glance from me—blisters, bad posture, and numb toes be damned!

Well, it seems I was on to something. A study in Italy found that stilettos can be good for your sex life. No, you don’t have to put on a pair of your highest heels before climbing into bed with your guy—just wearing heels during daily activity was found to strengthen pelvic muscles, toning more than just your legs.

Researcher Dr. Maria Cerruto said her study of 66 women under 50 found that those who held their foot at a 15 degree angle to the ground - the equivalent of a two inch heel - showed less electrical activity in their pelvic muscles, suggesting the muscles were at an optimum position, which could well improve their strength and ability to contract (in other words, these are the muscles that keep you feeling “tight.”) Combine heel wearing with Kegels and you’ll be unstoppable. Read More »

I went to a women’s college. I also got laid…A lot.

In college I went to frat parties and had a boyfriend. My friends and I threw theme parties and keg parties and could kick ass at flip cup and beer pong. I had guys spend the night. In those ways, I did have the traditional college experience.

We also have Fall Fest, a sort of homecoming/ class competition where classes were cancelled and we drink for practically 48 hours straight. I have chilled with alumnae well into their eighties and nineties. My religion professor choked up when we hugged goodbye. I could take my favorite recipes to the dining hall and they would make them. I used to take coffee breaks with the cleaning lady. And I went to school with 800 girls. So in these respects, my college experience was completely untraditional. Read More »