Another week has come and gone. And so has the summer. Tear.

This week we put our white pants back in the closet, returned to the lecture hall and answered the questions on everyone’s minds:

Who would be better candidates for VP?
Who would we never wanna see in a sex tape?
Should we fart in front of our bf?
Which fall shows should we be excited for?
Should we ever consider sex without a condom?
Is hooking up with the hottie prof worth it?
Can the new 90210 really match up to the old one? (Not even close.)
What kind of germs did that dude leave in our sheets?
What do we need to have when we hit the party scene?
Why do we insist that we can still drink like we are in college?
Do guys really care about our sexual history?
Is there an alternative to yucky beer?

And, the most important question of all:
Who’s hotter?

So Josh Hartnett has a sex tape. God heard our prayers! What we wouldn’t give to see that thing…in IMAX. [Wipes drool off of desk.] Knowing this (and praying that we can one day watch it) got us thinking: what does one eat while watching a sex tape? Popcorn? Edible underwear?

Also, who else would we want to see starring in their very own sex tape?

Ed Westwick, fo sho.
The teacher from the new 90210.
Ourselves (for private viewing only…and the cellulite would have to be airbrushed).
Anyone, in fact, besides these people: Read More »

In the words of Salt N Pepa, “the difference between a hooker and a ho ain’t nothin’ but a fee.”

Apparently, with today’s struggling economy, that ‘fee’ can come in many forms. Gas is well over $4 a gallon, and after a Kentucky woman sold her body for a full tank, a prosecutor commented that it’s sad when people are selling their bodies for gas. (Uh, duh?) Of course, there are plenty of other sexual behaviors out there that border the fine line between “hooker” and “ho.”

Look at aspiring “actress” Ranae Shrider, whose most prominent role to date is opposite Mini Me, Verne Troyer, in a scandalous sex tape. Reportedly, Shrider has been shopping the tape all over Hollywood, asking for $25,000 or more for the vid. What do you think, ladies? Hooker or Ho?

Of course, we also have the glamorized portrait of the “prostitute with a heart of gold.” You know, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. We hate Jason Alexander for trying to solicit poor Julia, and we cheer when Richard Gere shows up in his limo to whisk her into the sunset. Then we call our ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend a “whore” behind her back. Read More »

Hottie of the Week
I can’t believe that I’m going to say this – but if you forget the infidelity and the fact that he probably gets his hair Japanese straightened, Mario Lopez has a smokin’ body.

Song of the week
Katy Perry, “I Kissed a Girl”.
I hate this song.

Freak Show
Verne Troyer/Mini-Me sex tape. Why don’t they just pour acid on our eyes?

Am I the only one who thinks that Jennifer Lopez would be absolutely frightening if you pissed her off even just a tiny bit? FYI, you may get the store discount if you ask nicely and don’t have your bodyguard show a gun to the shop girl. Read More »

A couple of years ago, I went to visit a friend who lived out of state and ended up having sex with one of her guy friends. He was intensely good looking and I was intensely drunk and fun was had by all. I was just coming off of a huge breakup, and some comfort nooky was much appreciated, but I didn’t think much of it or him afterwards.

Until one day, I got a very strange call from One Night Stand guy. It went like this:

One Night Stand guy: Hey Jessica, how are you?
Me: Fine, busy. How are you?
ONSG: Um, I’m okay. Hey, have you ever been in a porn?
Me: Excuse me?
ONSG: It’s just, well, I was looking at some porn on the internet and I’m pretty sure that you are in one.
Me: (After about ten seconds) Are you sure?
ONSG: Well, she looks a lot like you, um, naked. Read More »

I watch a lot of really bad TV, but I can proudly admit that I have never watched a single episode of The Tyra Banks Show. That bitch is crazy; I had enough of her antics on ANTM. That being said, after hearing that Speidi would be making an appearance on Monday’s episode, I searched the interwebs high and low to find a clip of their interview.

The highlights are below.



Having Heidi, Spencer and Tyra in one place should really cause the world to implode, no? That’s a whole lot of douche for one stage. I don’t even really know where to begin. Maybe with Heidi’s awful Heidiwood ensemble? Or the fact that she and Spencer have been denying for two years that they had anything to do with the tape, only to openly discuss it on national television? (Although, this is the Tyra show; it really doesn’t count.) Or when Spencer, so eloquently, discusses his distaste for watching Lauren’s alleged sex tape. Or, my favorite, when Heidi admits that she was in surgery (getting those boobs/lips/facelift) the day the rumor of the video hit the world.