[I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is - in a word - whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.]

This month: 75 Crazy-Hot Sex Moves. Inevitably, variations of the same “ingenious” sex moves, tips tricks, “advice from real guys” (oddly enough, 19-24 year old males speak in the exact manner of Cosmo’s writers) are published every other month. November’s issue does not disappoint, but there were a few gems that even a die-hard Cosmo Girl just ain’t down for.

#2. “Intensify his orgasm by placing two fingers an inch behind his balls and feeling for a dent…For the last 30 seconds before he comes, massage the spot in a circular motion.”

Ok, I’m all for orgasm intensification, but not at the stake of my man’s butthole. Even Cosmo shows a little uncertainty about anal relations (“It’s totally cool…but make sure it’s ok with him first.”—they don’t include a disclaimer about permish before any of their other moves…), so I’m not so ready to venture that close while my target is rapidly thrusting and moving every which way. Additionally, there are tell tale signs that a guy is about to orgasm, but I don’t know if I’m skilled enough to identify them half a minute in advance. Cosmo has this very odd way of giving hyperprecise timing instructions for many of their moves… Read More »

Cosmopolitan. Thanks for being all about sex. I’ll admit you’ve encouraged me to broaden my sexual horizons.

Today, I’d like to introduce the Lusty Lean. Yet another hot sex position. It requires some tact, but if done right can be faaantastic.

Directions:
Climb up on the bed or a chair with your back to him and squat down. Have him stand behind you, so your shoulders are against his chest. Lean on him as he steadies you by placing his hands on your hips or under your rear. Tell him to enter you from behind. Think of your knees as little springs and enhance his thrusting with your own little moves.

Why Cosmo Says You’ll Love It:
Leaning back on his chest and bracing yourself on his biceps, you’ll feel totally taken care of, and he’ll feel more studly than a first-string stallion. Plus, gravity is on your side, giving him hot, deep access combined with more of a grinding motion than the usual from-behind fast thrusting.

Cosmo’s Tip:
Once you have the rhythm down, change it up a little. So long as he can support you in his weakened state, have him take half a step back. Upping the angle will alter where his penis hits your vaginal walls, enhancing your climax by drawing it out.