Breasts. Boobs. Tits. Ta Tas. Chi Chis. Fun-bags. Melons. Along with a few hundred different epithets, they come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. And thanks to the wonders of plastic surgery, there’s even more variety to be had in the size department. Just ask Sheyla Hershey, the woman who was recently denied her 9th boob job. Hershey’s dreams to move up from a FFF-cup to a GG were dashed because apparently, America, the country that has no concept of “moderation” has established a legal limit for silicone.

When I was in 8th grade, I went from flat-as-a-board to a large C in a matter of months; when I discovered binge drinking in college, my Freshman Fifteen accumulated in my breasts, and I was busting out of 36 DD bras, but refused to buy anything bigger because I felt like a freak. Over the past year, a strict cardio regimen has reduced my girls to a 34 DD, but I still long for the old days: a perky pair no bigger than a handful. That being said, why Miss Hershey would intentionally strive for the “World’s Biggest Breasts” is beyond me. Read More »

Oh, silicone muffin cups, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.1. You aren’t cheap, but unlike a lame and sticky metal muffin tin, you are sooooo worth the value.

2. You are easy, easy, EASY to use, and you hold your shape no matter what I put inside you.

3. The delectables that you hold pop right out. Just a tap, and that’s it. No wiggling, no digging, no knifing, no sticking… this is the way cooking should be.

4. I don’t even need to grease you up with cooking spray or butter or shortening. Now that’s quality.

5. You are so easy to clean that it’s criminal.

6. I could look at you all day and still be astounded by your beauty.

7. I can touch you right out of the oven and not burn myself.

8. You have no discernible taste that rubs off, and I appreciate that. Read More »

Every time I watch a horror story on tv about botched boob jobs, I always wonder why someone would choose to put foreign substances like silicone in their body. Regardless, the FDA has officially approved silicone-filled gel implants for breast augmentations. Is it just me or do all the scary stories that end with boobs looking more like lumpy tumors than actual breasts always involve silicone being the culprit?

It’s possible that I simply don’t understand the angst of flat-chested women and why someone would take the risk because I have rocked a solid C since sophomore year of high school.

Well maybe our dear Heidi Montag from The Hills could explain a thing or two to me. Yes, it’s official: Heidi decided to do something about her itty bitty titties. She recently underwent surgery for breast implants in Beverly Hills.

According to usmagazine.com, “Heidi just doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it,” says a source. “She did this for herself, and she’s hoping to keep it as private as possible.”

Oh Heidi, I’m sure the new twins will be kept “very private” when splashed across the screen of your next reality show venture.