Katie Holmes seems to spend her life in a constant state of grim understanding: she’s married to Tom Cruise whether she likes it or not, Tom Cruise is weird and removed from reality, Tom Cruise does not want her to be more famous than him so he uses his Scientology mind powers to render everything she touches unsuccessful, Tom Cruise’s first batch of kids look to her for help because their adoptive dad has completely forgotten about them, and the Paparazzi will never let her go because they’re just waiting for the day when she falls to the ground, pounds the pavement with her fists, and tells the world she just can”t take it anymore.

You know how I know Katie Holmes lives with these thoughts everday? Because of her face. The girl don’t.ever.smile anymore. Let’s go on a photo journey to exemplify this:

Is she smiling? No. Read More »

This month’s issue of Self featured a quick and dirty outline of all of those catty characters you’re bound to encounter on a daily basis…especially this time of year.

Who are these girls? Well, after being grouped off into 4 categories, Self describes them as either The Critic, The Social Misfit, The Blowhard, and The Nosy Nellie. Sound familiar? Sound like –god forbid– you?

Well, here’s the rundown. Read and learn, friends, because nobody wants their personality to be reduced to a catchy phrase used by woman’s magazines.

The Critic - will put you down or insult you…no matter what. Passive-aggressivly of course.

How should you handle the most common kind of annoying girl? Try to remember what your parents always told you. This kind of bully-ish behavior probably stems from her lack of sensitivity and overabundance of negativity growing up, so ignore her.

You have nothing to do with her bitchyness so when she asks if you really need that extra cookie smile, say “yes” and eat it. Either she’ll get the hint…or be miserable. Hopefully miserable. Read More »

Trust me, I am a girly girl. My makeup drawer is bigger than my sock drawer, I check my reflection in every mirror (or window) I pass, and nothing makes me smile like a brand new pair of shoes. But that doesn’t mean I can’t hate girls…right?

Well, not hate, necessarily. More like find things about them that just make me embarrassed to be a girl and want to be one of the guys. I have most recently realized these feelings of disdain while watching back to back episodes of My Super Sweet 16 and The Hills. And spending the past week hanging out with a big group of frat-tastic boys.

1. Girls are catty – when we are put in a room together we will find anything (and I mean anything) to argue about. Or, a few of us will find a corner and separate ourselves from the rest of the group in order to talk badly about the others. When guys are put in a room they watch tv or play video games. They fart. They laugh. They have a good time.

2. Girls won’t let anyone kiss/date/talk to anyone they have ever kissed/dated/talked to – It doesn’t matter if it was last week or in second grade; if she dated him, you can’t go near him. And if you do? Watch your back, bitch. Guys, on the other hand, really couldn’t care less. In fact, many like when they “share” a girl so they can compare stories.

Read More »

• New Jersey is good for something this Halloween season: Pumpkins grow on trees!

• You have no excuse not to smile today. It turns out that we all want to be happy and we think good things will happen to us no matter our present situation! Some call that optimism…some call it crazy…either way, we’re hard-wired for it.

• Halloween is all about having fun! Don’t count out video games, ladies!

• Video: Dogs like Halloween too!

• Don’t go to those costume parties empty-handed! Bake up a batch of spider cakes, wicked witch cupcakes, or Braaaaiiinnnsss!!

•Looking for someone to be the Ketchup to your Mustard? Try online dating!

• Video: Sugar-powered rocket engine? Sounds delicious!

• Ghost Ridin’? Sounds spooky!

Days as a Freshman: 61
Mood: Heavy

“So…” Sasha pulled a chair from an empty table over to the one I was sitting at, holding a paper cup of tea and chewing on a plastic stirring straw. I watched him sit, look down into his cup, chew on the straw, and blink. What was he waiting for?

“Should’ve put honey in this. Green tea sucks without honey.” He looked up and grinned, the straw bending with his smiling lips, his messy brown hair falling into his eyes.

I wanted to freeze everything; take a picture of him just how he was right now with my eyes and keep it in the back of my head. I wanted to find a way to memorize the little dimple on his left cheek. I wanted to come up with an exact recipe for the smell he carried with him; a mixture of fresh deodorant and warm fuzzy dryer sheets. I needed to never forget the way a simple plastic straw could make someone irresistible.

The moment of realization that you’re sitting across from someone who could actually be everything you’ve ever dreamed about is strange. It’s not a big feeling, not a sharp feeling either. It’s mostly just a warm sensation, like someone’s poured bubbly, fizzy water into your limbs and into your chest.

“People make fun of me for drinking tea.” Taking the straw from his mouth, Sasha stirred the liquid in his cup absently, looking up at me and then back down at his hands, smiling in a quieter way. “It’s not cool or something. But I like it.”

And I like you, I thought, holding my own cup between my hands and breathing as carefully as I could. It seemed like a strong exhale could ruin the moment, blowing away the comfortable yet electric energy between us. Read More »