Everyone was playing games in last night’s Gossip Girl episode, and the ending was juicier than a game-winning three-point shot at the buzzer of the NCAA tournament. I was jumping out of my seat!

Bart and Lily decide to play a little role-playing game and make the Bass-Van der Woodsen clan more akin to the Brady Bunch than the Kardashians. Curfews? Family dinners? You know that’s not going to last long.

Vanessa’s trying to raise some money to save a bar from being demolished, and decides to play the Game of Blair. That is, she threatens to blackmail B with a saucy photo of Duke Marcus and his skanky stepmom (remember them? Has it been so long since they fled already?), which brings me to the first red-hot GG quote of the night:

Blackmailing seems to work for you, so I thought I’d give it a try. Now that we’ve established that I own you, you have 6 hours to get 1,000 signatures.

Oh, Vanessa; you can pass “GO” and collect two million dollars for that move.

In Humphrey news, Dan literally starts playing a new game: soccer. If you missed last night’s episode, you missed Lonely Boy begin his transformation into Jock Boy, the ever-faithful sidekick of sexy Nate Archibald. But yes, Dan made the soccer team, and yes, it gives him more excuses to play with his new mancrush, Nate.

Of course, the best game of the night is Blair’s Cruel Intentions-style bet with Chuck that he can’t seduce Vanessa…and then leave her behind, humiliated, of course. But, of course, if you’ve seen any teen movie involving bets, wagers, and the “cool” guy hanging out with the “loser” girl, you know the outcome. Although, these movies usually involved Freddie Prinze, Jr. and NOT Chuck Bass. Read More »

If there’s one thing I learned from Gossip Girl last night, it’s that you can have sex with whomever you want, and the person you actually have feelings for (but aren’t banging, for some reason) will completely understand, and forgive you, and maybe even like you more.

If there’s one thing I already knew, it’s that when you’re the poor, unpopular kid on the Upper East Side, your life will be a continuous cycle of being walked over, speaking your mind, putting your foot in your mouth, and then being magically forgiven and allowed to advance to the next round.

Did you miss last night’s episode? Let me fill you in.

Within the first minute of GG, Nate mentions the inevitable party that will tangle everyone up in some drama that will continue to be played out next week.

Other expected GG staples: Catherine and Nate talk money; Serena and Dan are together but have issues (did I miss them deciding to be a “secret” couple?); and Jenny has some great ideas for her fashion internship, but she’s a lowly intern and isn’t allowed to have opinions.

The best thing about the first half? The mini gossip girls who approach Dan and throw in their two cents. If you missed it, two tweeny-bopping brunettes are on Dan’s side, and one tweeny-bopping blond is on team S. The blond asks Serena how she can kiss Dan, knowing his tongue has been in Georgina’s mouth, which seems a bit much when you consider the girs were, what, 11? The tweensters were obviously comic relief, but for some reason their opinions caused an awkward rift between S and Lonely Boy…which I was over by the next commercial. Read More »

So, we’re two seconds into the highly-anticipated season premiere of Gossip Girl, and already the hormones are flying! Cue gratuitous shot of Chace Crawford, panting and frisking some girl in the front seat of a car.

Mmmmm.

But this is GG, people. Chace Crawford sexcapades can hardly satisfy our thirst for smut clothed in Prada. Cut to Chuck, chardonnay in hand, on a beach with one…two…three insanely hot girls. Oh, Chuck Bass. You are what every sixteen-year-old boy should aspire to be before graduating high school.

First shocker of the episode: GG informs us that “Lonely Boy” Dan isn’t so lonely after all. It seems he has a new chick — wait, maybe two new girls? Can you spell R-E-B-O-U-N-D?

Of course, before our first commercial break, we need a love triangle, and some legit dramz. Send Chuck to meet Blair, looking sweet and dapper with roses in hand. Insert random new man (James), let Blair make steamy eye contact with Chuck and then shove her tongue down new guy’s throat. This is how it goes down for high schoolers in the Hamptons.

It’s game, set, match for Blair when she enjoys dinner with both James and Chuck, yet she still feels the need to run after Chuck when he storms away from the table with his tail between his legs. WTF Blair? We know you don’t feel the same way for James as you did for Nate. Otherwise you wouldn’t be chasing Chuck. Alas, poor Chuck, who used to be made of steel, turns on the waterworks again, just in time for another gratuitous Chace Crawford shot — hottie Nate running down the street in his underwear after his new lover’s husband comes home early from work. Read More »

This weekend is the only thing that stands between me and Chace Crawford.

Of course, I’m talking about the season premiere of Gossip Girl, which airs Monday, September 1 at 8:00 on the CW Network.

Since my life pretty much sucks– I’m not currently sleeping with anyone, I’m spending my “new clothes” money on speeding tickets, and I can barely afford my daily latte, let alone an extra-dry martini or a burlesque business venture–I’m looking forward on living vicariously through Dan, Jenny, Serena, Blair, Chuck, and, oh yes- Nate.

When GG left us at the beginning of the summer (which feels like eons ago), Serena’s brother, Eric, had just come out of the closet; Georgina had stopped into town just long enough to break up Serena and Dan; Chuck briefly scraped together an ounce of morale, only to eye-f*ck Amelia, Lily’s new interior designer; Blair hopped a plane with some random dude; and it seems that Serena and Nate and Dan and Vanessa were left to hang out for the summer. Read More »

Who doesn’t love a good train wreck like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears? For us “ordinary folk” (those of us who wear Old Navy, drink PBR and dream of tetris being an Olympic sport) there’s nothing like a healthy dose of tabloid exploitation on those who live in (what at least appears to be) an alternate universe… where dogs wear juicy couture, cars come equipped with mini-bars, breasts double as flotation devices and pocket lint is laced with cocaine.

Is it true though? Or are the tabloids just running exaggerated fantasies to harpoon mass appeal? It’s hard to know because these grandiose lifestyles are perpetuated by the attention drawn to them (unless the celebrity is actually talented). Case in point — the Kardashian sex tape.

Bad publicity is good publicity, I suppose… especially for the venues that become associated with celebrity attendance (who doesn’t want to go to places where you might see a rockstar in a bar fight or catch Paris Hilton stripping down to… well… a slightly more naked version of her usual self?).

When talking about club publicity, nothing turns up the temp on a particular venue more than the drug habits of the celebrities. The scandalous behaviors of one Miss Britney Spears has made headlines for a variety of clubs in New York including an all time personal favorite, Marquee. Yes, she has been caught using drugs in the public bathrooms all around town and she’s not the only one. The question then becomes, of course, how many drugs are being done in these places? Certainly you run a high risk (pun intended) of being caught abusing drugs if you are a celebrity, but what about us ordinary folk? Are drugs swimming through the clubs as the tabloids would have us believe? Read More »

Going out in the city can be daunting. There are so many factors to consider— is this going to be a night of a) bar hopping, b) clubbing, c) karaoke, d) comedy, or perhaps, e) some impromptu party at some guy’s apartment in Brooklyn who goes by the name “Pi”??

Indeed, any of these possibilities could result in the ultimate goal… drinking, having fun and laughing your pants off (literally and figuratively, but hopefully not at the same time).

Unless you are in “the scene” or “know people” or have a third boob, it’s not always easy to get past the doormen and into the places that you heard Ashton Kutcher hit up last weekend…But I’m here to tell you that “the scene” is not all its cracked up to be and it’s nearly impossible to keep up with because the lifespan of a trendy bar or club has a suspiciously similar longevity to that of a botox injection… coincidence? I THINK NOT! The socialites of New York dare not become “regulars” anywhere… except in the chair of the best surgeon in town.

If, however, you are so compelled to risk a dehumanizing rejection at the velvet ropes of say, Tenjune… I would do the following… (where there’s a will, there’s a way..)

1. Throw a couple names at the doorman like “I’m here with Scooter’s party” or “Is Terrick working tonight?” Read More »

Walking around Soho on a Saturday afternoon is generally a trying experience. As I struggled my way through thousands of shoppers and tourists heading down towards Canal Street, I looked up to see the newest billboard for Svedka vodka and stopped dead in my tracks. “90% of New York socialites prefer Svedka over eating.” Pan to my jaw dropping.

The ads use a female robot promoting what life and drinking might be like in the year 2033. The robot is, not surprisingly, large breasted and big assed. Using the female form to sell alcohol is not a new concept. According to Svedka however “The Future of Adult Entertainment” seems to also involve stereotyping homosexuals, and encouraging starvation. The taglines bring a new low to the world of booze peddling. The advertising agents have gone so far as to say “people are intrigued because we all secretly want to have sex with a robot.” Really? Robot sex is never something that titillated me, but who knows what I’ll be into in 10 years.

As much as I find most of these ads totally deplorable, there is one billboard that makes me smile every time. It says, “18 Billion Scientologists can’t be wrong.” Making fun of scientologists is always funny. Read More »