I was at a bar last night, politely making conversation with a group of guys. They were nice and I was bored. Our drunken conversation soon went from the ‘awesome’ weather to a subject even less interesting: me and my singlehood. I like being single. I’d like to stay this way. Yet, somehow, this is always devastating news to everyone from my family and friends to strangers at a bar.

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

The response, “I don’t have one”, must be code for “I have SARS” based on the jaw dropping and disgusted looks that shoot back at me invariably.

So the guys at the bar were appalled. And probably simultaneously delighted because NOW, now they had a license to set me up with their ‘young’ friend…the one closer to my age…the one blushing because he is RIGHT THERE…the one I don’t even find remotely attractive.

And alas, I was yet again playing a game I have played far too many times to count.: The “Gracefully Decline Without Hurting Feelings” Game. I know, I know. I should just always be a bitch. To be honest, often times, I am. However, it’s harder to do this when I have been having a genuinely good conversation with the guy. Or when it’s my best friend who really believes in her gut that the new guy in her office is my soulmate.

The line that got me out of bad emotional karma last night was this one: Read More »

I’m not sold on the idea of having a soulmate. And I’m not NOT sold on it, either. BUT, when a guy refers to me as his “soulmate”, am I out of line to think that he might well, you know, like me as more than a friend? Right. I totally agree. I would not be out of line to think that. So let me tell you a story.

Not all that long ago, I started a romantic fling with a guy who I kinda sorta knew. I wasn’t all that taken into him physically, but emotionally…I couldn’t help it. I mean, I tried not to be, but with every single conversation we had…he baited me with compliments and bathed me in pet names.

He made me mix cds, sent me flowers, wrote me songs, and made me paintings. All within the first three weeks. And I KNOW, this should be a bad sign. I KNOW, these kinds of things should take TIME to develop…but I can’t help it! I like to feel things right away! I’m intense and spontaneous, so maybe I deserve all of the nightmare that is to come with this story.

Anyway, I was under the impression that things were going pretty well. But then he would tell me about dates with other girls. And this was fine. Really, I mean I was, after all, still going on dates with other guys. But then would come the heavily emotional talks until 7am and then the DAYS without talking. The night after he told me that he thought I was his soulmate, we then went four full days without any contact whatsoever. Not even a text. Read More »

One thing we all secretly want when we move somewhere new is to find some new boys to date.

Well, I have some bad news for you guys, New York might be the worst place in the world to find someone to date.

A good friend of mine always says, “Dating in New York should be like being a kid in a candy shop, instead it’s like being a kid in Home Depot. There is all this sh*t and you don’t want any of it.”

Here is a list of places we dream of meeting someone sort of normal…and why this is in fact a dream:

The Bars: No one meets their soulmate at a bar. These might be the best places to find a casual one night stand, but nothing substantial will ever come of it. You’re drunk, he’s drunk, and with beer goggles and bad lighting who cares if he’s attractive?

All you know is he looks good and keeps buying the rounds. The next morning he may still look pretty. This is a good sign your judgement wasn’t totally off so you guys exchange numbers.

Don’t hold your breath for the phone call. It won’t happen.

The Coffee Shop: Your intentions are good. No one is drunk (hopefully), and there is always to distinct possibility that the artsy boy of your dreams will be sitting next to you reading a cool book you’ve never heard of. As you do your work you guys make eyes at each other. Rarely though does this lead to any kind of conversation.

You see, New Yorkers have an issue with pride. They don’t want to be the first ones to make the move because then they will lose precious cool points.

If you guys do talk and hit it off a date could follow. However, be leary of the man who spends his days reading in coffee shops.

You’re probably not the first girl he’s picked up there. Read More »