Dear American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress –

From the first time that I saw you, I knew I had to have you. It was a cold afternoon in winter when my roommate came in from a shopping trip downtown and announced that she had found a new favorite dress. She went into her bedroom, and emerged shortly thereafter wearing beautiful, classic you. I remember how lovely you looked, so artfully simple with your long cylindrical shape and your sexy little ruched detailing, drawing attention to the tatas. I remember us discussing your versatility, how you so easily went from below the knee to just under the ladyparts with just a bit of bunching. I remember admiring the way you wrapped yourself around my roommate’s body so tightly in your spandexy embrace. It was amour at first sight.

Months went by, but I still didn’t make my move. Then, last weekend, the weather became warm and balmy and my roommates and I decided to have some friends over for a barbecue. Instantly I had a vision of you and I, lounging together in the sun, enjoying a margarita. I knew it was time. Read More »

Oh snap, Rupert Grint is sassy

Students for Concealed Carry on Campus…on Facebook

I love me some rainbow, alphabet-print, spandex onesies

Michelle Obama isn’t funny–but is she supposed to be?

Jamie-Lynn: still the more responsible Spears

I still don’t see the whole Marilyn Manson attraction

Sex and the City: not a documentary

Remember when plastic surgery was sort of taboo?

I want to be this 13-year-old when I grow up

Need a Mega Mac to start your day?…and finish it?

Step aside, Spanx!

There’s a new brand of body shaper in town, but this time it’s…for men?

WHAT?!

Now, ladies: we all do it. Whether it’s a padded bra (oh, excuse me “lightly lined bra”. Honey, you’re still faking it), control top pantyhose or even the aforementioned, miracle-working Spanx, we’re all guilty of some, shall we say, false advertising.

I am the first to admit it, and frankly, I think it’s great. Seriously, some dresses just require that I shake more (or less) than what my Mama gave me, and I will happily snap up something silicone and/or lycra-based to make it work.

From corsets to girdles and beyond, body-shaping is nothing new for us girls. It is not new, nor is it novel; on the contrary, a certain amount is expected. I like to think it adds to the feminine mystique of preparing for a night out, like eyelash curlers, body scrubs and complicated lingerie.

But on a guy?? Really?? I’m sorry, this is not something I can get behind. Yes, we all agree that modern menfolk can have body issues just like their female counterparts. Metrosexuality is de rigeur, and I’ve accepted that sometimes men will smell better or have softer skin than I do. So, when I read that men’s underwear brands like 2(X)ist were creating new lines featuring ‘spandex briefs and tank tops designed to have a trimming effect’, I tried to keep an open mind, but suspected it was an isolated incident. Read More »

“I have the perfect Halloween costume” my friend said the other day as we walked past one of New York’s biggest costumes shops.

“What is it?” I asked, trying to keep my eyes away from the bloody heads and severed body parts in the window display.

“I’m wearing a white sheet, and over that I’m putting on underwear and a bra.”

“What’s that supposed to be?”

“A slut ghost!” My friend said, bursting into laughter. “Funniest thing ever, right?”

She definitely wins points for creativity, and for finding perhaps the one costume that hasn’t yet been turned into glorified lingerie by the Halloween industry.

It’s true. Once you reach a certain age, October 31st becomes less about candy and more about showing off—especially if you’re a girl.

I’m not sure where or when the tradition of skanking-up costumes began, but these days, anything can be turned “sexy.” Sexy pirate. Sexy ballerina. Sexy Bee. Sexy Girlscout. I mean, I could go on, but it might get redundant.

While some people get bent out of shape by a gal’s choice to dress like a sexy FBI Informant, I’ve never had a problem with it. I’ve heard the whole, it objectifies women! argument, but if a girl is buying her own costume, putting it on herself, and walking around with full knowledge that she’s showing a lot of skin, it seems like risqué costumes are more about letting loose and having fun than being forced into something for the enjoyment of others.

Personally, I’m an easy going girl with an easy going style, but once a year I thoroughly enjoy showing off the fact that I take care of my body and have a good sense of humor (Look! I’m a saltshaker! I’m dressed all in white with glitter and I have a big S on my chest! Hahaha…but isn’t this skirt cute?). Read More »

Please make the eighties comeback stop.

I know, it’s funny to be campy and over the top. But didn’t we all make fun of the eighties the first time around? Now it seems the spandex are unstoppable, patent leather is everywhere, and even the fanny pack has re-invented itself as a bit of “so old it’s new.”

I will say that the leggings, short dress, and boot combo is functional and sort of sexy. I’ll admit it I’ve rocked it.

But every time I walk into a shoe store and see the patent leather shoe, I think to myself, really? I think that was over circa 1990. If I see shoulder pads I might slap somebody. I know that Europeans have been heading towards the eighties trend for some time now.

The last time I was in France (about a year ago) I would see the skinny jeans, with heels and be brought back to the iconic image of Brooke Shields in her Calvins.

As a not-so-skinny girl, (size 12 perfectly normal) the flared jean has done wonders for me. Then suddenly out of nowhere it seemed the skinny jean and/or the spandex was everywhere. Me and my above average ass were not ok with this.

Check out the awesomely bad 80’s fashion gallery after the jump! Read More »

Jakey! Say it isn’t so!

According to the one and only gossip blog Perezhilton.com, Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon are “100% dating”.

I’m seriously going to cry.

I love that boy, and every day he’s single is another day we could possibly bump into each other on the streets of New York and fall instantly, deliriously in love.

Have you seen this boy’s lips? His eyes?!

If I was just a tiny bit crazier I’d dedicate my life to following him around the world, camp outside his hotel rooms and write him original love songs with my own blood.

I’m just saying…I like him a lot.

And all those other rumors, well, I don’t believe them one bit. Since when did having big, beautiful eyes and real tight friendships with other dudes make you gay? So he likes spandex.

It’s aerodynamic, people!

Who is hotter?