The stock market is low. Really effing low. The lowest it’s been in a long ass time.

And people are freaking out.

So, in an effort to ease people’s minds, George Bush spoke. He interrupted my morning dose of Ellen Degeneres for about 7 minutes to explain what is going on and how the US Government is going to fix it. But that 7 minutes can be summed up in 2 simple sentences:

Things are bad - we caused the economy to decline worldwide - but they are going to get better. Just chill the eff out.

So, let’s relax, people. Forget about your money in the bank, your student loans, and the fact that you can’t afford your Easy Mac. Grab a bottle of your favorite (cheap) vodka, kick back on your couch and chillax.

Everything is gonna be ok!

Here at CollegeCandy, we love our three-day weekends like Britney loves swearing at swarming paparazzi, but too often forget why certain Mondays allow us to sleep in with those Jake Gyllenhaal dreams of ours (you know the one…where he’s feeding us ice cream by a pool? In a speedo? Yeah).