Dear Facebook Ads,

I’m not sure when we became best friends, but it appears you know quite a bit about me. I don’t remember telling you, come to think of it, but it looks like you got the word that I am newly single. I have deduced that you know this because you are running special ads for me, like: “single again?” and “Going through a break-up?”

How kind of you! I was hoping that you, anonymous Facebook ads, would help me fix my love life!

It’s nice that you take note that my tied down friends need no such help from you, but that because my status is “single” I am a candidate for your therapy! Do I need a second chance with my ex? I sure do, Facebook advertisement! At 20 years old I am a miserable spinster! I desperately need your advice on how to win my man back - the man that I got rid of on my own accord - so, please, tell me how! Never mind the fact that you just assumed I was the dumped; I will take your advice anyway. Really? I can just enter my e-mail and you will send me tips? I can watch helpful videos? What ever would I do without you!? Read More »

When it comes to Facebook, you would be lying if you said you never found yourself looking at the pictures your winter vacation hookup (from 2001) just posted… or at the girl that annoyingly keeps writing on your boyfriend’s wall (and at all of her friends). I know, I know, you just randomly, somehow, stumbled upon them; you really, truly, only logged on to check your messages…3 hours ago. And now you are searching for that cute guy you met last night whose last name you don’t know (why did his name have to be Aaron?!).

Let’s face it; we’ve all stooped a little bit lower than we like to admit (logging on to a friend’s account to look at someone not in your network). Posted something for the sake of ONE person seeing it (an ex boyfriend perhaps? This picture totally screams “I am SOO over you”), or for the whole Facebook world to see (Look! I met Vince Vaughn! We sat at his table! This totally validates that I am cool. Take that all you who shoved me in a locker in high school!).

Every now and again, we all do a bit of random stalking or, as I chose to call it, investigative journalism. (The dictionary of my life says an email to my friends reporting my findings completely counts as journalism… “He’s single! Scooore!”) But with all this quasi-stalking that we do, we never really think that we are that important or fascinating enough that total randoms would waste their time looking at our photos from Halloween 2006.

That is, until it happens to you… and you find out.

And then, Facebook becomes really creepy. Read More »

I’m in a fight with Facebook. First they opened the doors to every crazy person on the planet/your mom. Then they started telling you everything your “friends” were doing. Then they started recommending friends to you, even though you would already have those people as friends if you wanted to.

And now those crazy boys at Facebook are stirring the pot again. This time with Facebook chat. Read More »

Ever think that stars like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are just being big babies when it comes to complaining about all the attention they get? I mean, who wouldn’t be flattered that people want to constantly take pictures of them?

Well, to be honest, I can’t say that I’m entirely jealous of their lives, but for those who are, don’t worry, you can just buy your own paparazzi! No, seriously. This is an actual company, and for our celebrity obsessed culture, actually a pretty smart idea when you think about it.

Here’s how it works:

Read More »

So you’ve just clicked through all 462 of your ex-boyfriend’s sister’s co-worker’s chiropractor’s daughter’s Facebook pictures. Besides your urgent need to get a life, next on the list is finding something better to do with your high-speed connection. You’re on CC, so at least you’re doing something right, but look no further than this blog, (And please stop poking people, it’s creepy) because I have for you three of the best internet sites on the web, you can thank me later. (Cash or checks, preferably.)

PostSecret.com
We all have them, but a beauty of a secret is in its release. Remember that All-American Rejects video for Dirty Little Secret? That idea is all thanks to this website. With a number of new secrets posted every week, it’s the first thing I check hung over on a Sunday morning…before I realize, mortified, how many drunken wall posts I haphazardly typed. (One to my cute Linguistics TA, waaaay to go) Read More »

She’s just too clingy.

Did you shudder? It seems like every time a guy utters that sentence, girls everywhere tremble a little inside.

It’s one of our biggest fears in a relationship. Are we hanging on too tightly? Are we calling too much? Should we pull back?

I could ask a thousand of those questions, but I won’t, because you’ve probably already heard them echoing in your head. Let’s just say clinginess tends to be a girl hang-up.

Knowing this and wanting to help (or just wanting to pretend he’s an expert on something) David Zinczenko, the editor in chief of Men’s Heath, recently wrote an article all about this relationship snafu, and how women can avoid it. While some people might think he’s finally cracked the code on relating, it seems to me that he’s just dolling out common sense.

The first thing Zinczenko urges women to do is not call their guy more than twice a day.

“You make more calls than that? The unspoken message is that maybe you don’t trust him, or don’t have enough to do yourself, or are relying too much on him for everyday satisfaction”.

Unfortunately, he has no advice for a situation I was recently in: a guy text messaging 7 times in one night.

The second thing us females should avoid? Joint email accounts. Um. Of course. Who in their right mind would force their significant other to share an email? Unless you’ve been married for ten years, this is the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard. Email is free, people. No need to be frugal. Read More »

The internet was the enabler behind most of my middle school drama.

The enigmatic anonymity that the web provides was a big green light for mean teenagers to harass other mean teenagers without the consequences of face-to-face confrontations. And it was this online shield that facilitated the worst culprit behind my pubescent angst: the fake screenname.

Fake screennames were the best way to tear your enemy (or popular best friend) apart incognito. You could lash out ruthlessly, ruin lives and then delete said screenname without being linked to any of the drama that would surely ensue.

I will never forget my most potent digital nemesis: ClawYourEyesOut. ClawYourEyesOut not only harassed me on a nightly basis with the unoriginal “slut,” “bitch” name-calling. He/she also IMed my adorable little boyfriend Brad and my bitchy, gullible friends and spread nasty rumors which quickly turned them against me.

And even though ClawYourEyesOut brutally defamed my reputation, there was nothing I could do about it. To this day, ClawYourEyesOut’s identity still eludes me.

But thanks to two female Yale Law School grads—who suffered a magnified version of my ClawYourEyesOut saga, online anonymity may not be such an impenetrable issue in the future.

The two women are trying to uncover the identity of 28 pseudonyms behind discussion board posts that spread rumors about their academic records, sexuality and even threatened rape. Read More »

Now that summer’s here and I have lots of time to sit around and do nothing, I often spend more hours on Facebook or Myspace than should be humanly possible. I’m not even sure what I do for so long on these sites. I click, stare, click, stare, click…it’s sort of like an odd addiction, and I’m not proud. Not proud at all.

And sure, there are days when I question the validity of such sites. In the beginning of the Facebook craze, I was totally against it. What the hell do I want an online profile for? I thought in the beginning. What do you do, just stare at people at all day? Initially, I thought it was a completely stupid idea.

Somewhere along the line my thoughts changed, and I became one of the millions who gladly post pictures and contact information for all to see. Isn’t this what our parents warned us about when we started signing on in the 1990’s?

“Don’t you dare put any personal information up on the internet, young lady!” My mom would warn as our modern screamed and coughed and finally signed me on with a computerized You’ve Got Mail! “There are crazy people all over the place.” Read More »