Everyone loves an e-card. Yeah, they’re kind of cheesy, and they usually feature singing animals, but who the hell doesn’t want a singing polar bear wishing them a happy birthday?But not all e-cards bear good news. According to CNN.com, a website called inSpot.org has started producing e-cards that tell the recipients to get checked for STDs. So ladies, if you’re trying to figure out how to break it to the cutie you hooked up with last weekend (whose phone number you do not have, but email address you found while stalking him on Facebook), you can let him know via email that he left the party with more than empty condom wrappers.

Maybe the inSpot peeps will make a Facebook application next? Or maybe a Urine Cup you can send as a gift? That would make things so much easier.

[photo courtesy inSpot.org]

I am an expert in awkward situations. When I first meet people, more often than not, I leave a horrible first impression. I am similarly awkward in my attempts to be a part of the dating scene.

Just last week, a coworker exclaimed, “Kathryn, you have no game. Your entire approach is off!” Yes, this is true. But somehow, I still get some action, which is why she followed her (rather harsh) declaration with the question, “How do you do it?”

Still, no matter how many times I’ve immediately wished I could retract the bizarre statement that just came out of my mouth, I’ve also been with, or had friends who have been with, equally hopeless guys.

Reviewing my own traumatic events, as well as some of my friends’ bizarre sexual encounters, I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst things to say during sex. Because I’m a woman, they are written from a female perspective, but each of these can be just as cringe-worthy coming from a guy.

1. “Ohhhh, Michael… I mean… Dan?”
Make sure you know the name of the person you’re inviting past the pearly gates. Calling someone by another name will at once crush your partner’s ego and make you look sleazy. Once, I was hooking up with a guy and he proceeded to pour out his feelings for another girl… and try to get my advice on how to go about courting her. That really sucked, and he was pissed when I cut our session short. Read More »

In Sex Ed, we had to take “Name that STD” tests. In college, our RA’s handed out “Safe Sex” kits filled with condoms and pamphlets on HPV, the most common sexually transmitted infection. About 20 million Americans are currently infected with HPV, with about 6.2 new infections popping up each year. Over 50% of sexually active men and women acquire a genital HPV infection during their lives, and on college campus, the numbers are even higher. If those numbers aren’t enough to encourage you to get the new HPV vaccine, check out the story of Dede, an Indonesian fisherman who just got diagnosed with some pretty serious HPV.

1% of sexually active people break out in genital warts. You might think that number seems low, but are you really willing to play Russian roulette with your vagine? Getting back to Dede, the 35-year-old man has been labeled the “Tree Man,” due to some mysterious lesions on his skin, and root-like growths stemming from his hands and feet. For years, his condition went undiagnosed, until an American doctor discovered that Dede has an HPV infection. Unfortunately for the fisherman, he also has an uncommon immune system defect, so while most people can hide their downstairs bumps, Dede grew severe warts all over his body, causing him to lose his job, his wife, and his self esteem. Read More »

Here, take this quiz:

Independence Day should NOT mean independence from:
(a) your good sense
(b) your panties
(c) reality
(d) all of the above

Okay, obviously the answer is (a). And if you believe that, skip the rest of this article.

But seriously, Independence Day marks our freedom as an independent United States of America, and for some reason, this has morphed into a gigantular party day.

Which, look, is fine by me. I love partying.

However, may I suggest, for your own sake, that you stop a tequila shot short of blacking out? Here are the top reasons why:

(7) Missing the festivities
I mean, if you can’t remember it, how the flip can you enjoy it? That totally sucks! Especially when you find out you managed to do #6.

(6) Ruining your chances with a hottie
Yes, the odds for this increase dramatically if you are blacked out. During such a state sometime in my sophomore year of college, I allegedly once asked a potential hook-up if he was gay. Um, yeah. That didn’t work out in my favor. Read More »

Q: I gave head to a guy I met when I was studying abroad, and now I’m worried about STDs. We didn’t use a condom, but he didn’t orgasm. Should I still get tested?

A: Don’t get yourself too worked up over it, but yes, you should get tested. Really, you should get tested after every new sexual partner (yes, oral sex counts). I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not a doctor–which is especially why you should see one–but I do strongly urge you to go get tested, for your health and more so, your peace of mind.

The greater the quantity of infected semen you’re exposed to, the greater the chances are that you may have something–of course, that’s assuming in the first place that the guy even has an STD. Since he didn’t ejaculate, you were at most, only exposed to pre-cum–so yes, it’s technically possible you caught something if he was infected, but the risk is low.

For something like HIV or hepatitis B, which is passed through the bloodstream, you would have to have had abrasions or cuts in your mouth (from a dental visit or biting your tongue, for example.) The same isn’t true for genital warts or herpes, which can spread through contact with the lesion. Even if you inspected his package with a microscope before going downtown, and you’re sure you didn’t see anything suspicious, remember that it’s still possible (but not super likely) to catch something even if there is no active, visible outbreak. Read More »

I’ve sought out emergency contraception three times since 2002. In the first part of this article, I shared the situations that got me into trouble. In this part, I’ll share how I got out, and my experiences with the pill itself.

TAKE I:

So, I find myself in trouble, due to two factors: first, the drunk and condom-free attentions of my (newly ex) boyfriend, and second, his unwillingness to deal in any way with the consequences. I solve this problem as I solve all others: by turning to lady friends and Google.

My roommate Kristin and I look up the “morning after” pill, and discover that there’s only one clinic within driving distance that prescribes it. We also discover that EC is only effective if it’s taken seventy-two hours after sex; thanks to my post-breakup moping, I have about twelve hours left. It will take two hours to reach the clinic. We scramble to the car.

When we arrive at the clinic, I am escorted into an exam room, where I meet a blonde woman in a lab coat. I explain my situation, and ask for the EC.

She shakes her head at me. I see pity in her eyes.

“I can’t prescribe those pills to you, honey,” she says. “I’m a Christian.”

This is the precise moment when I start crying. Read More »

Knowing when to end a long term friendship can be more difficult than any of us would ever like to admit. Wouldn’t it just be a hell of a lot easier if our oldest and supposedly closest friends never bugged out? If they could just stay calm and always be that chill girl we used to kick it with…all would be well with the world. But the fact of the matter is this: A lot of girls go “crazy” eventually and this easily includes girls you’ve known “forever”.

Not that long ago, I moved my best friend since elementary school into my apartment. At first, it was totally awesome. Despite the fact that we had certainly had more than one rough patch in our history of being friends; we were still getting along rather famously once we were living together. That was…of course…until I really started to see how nuts she was.

She was a pathological liar. But this was something that I had always known. She was obsessive with guys. This too was something that I had always known. She had a high level of respect and regard for me…again, something that I had always known. However, I had no clue how far she could possibly take any of these aspects of her character.

FIRST came the jealousy. I had recently started to rearrange my diet and lifestyle, finally putting my foot down and wanting to be healthier over all. In the process of doing this, I ended up dropping a few pounds. She, on the other hand, had always struggled with her weight, but was never quite willing to compromise her tendency to over-eat in exchange for the body she wanted. So when I dropped down to 125 at 5′7 (please note that this is a totally acceptable weight), she started to accuse me of being “scary skinny” and actually called me Nicole Richie. Read More »

While so many parents out there seem to be overwhelmingly concerned with keeping their teens’ Myspace pages private and making sure their Walmart-bought CD’s are equipped with “Parental Advisory” stickers; their teens are still getting into trouble.

We know this because we were teens not too long ago. The more you are protected by your parents, the sneakier you learn to be. It’s no accident that some of the worst kids you knew in high school came from some of the “best” families. Teen girls rebelling is about as natural as shopping or gossiping. If all of their parents only knew what they were doing at all those “sleepovers”….

Well, what it seems like they’ve been DOING…are the boys from school.

At least one in four girls out there between the ages of 14-19 has a sexually transmitted disease. This alarming study has brought a lot of attention to the fact that teens ARE, regardless of what we want to believe, having sex. Read More »