I’m tired of talking to my friends about this ONE guy who has been haunting my love life, or lack thereof, since the fall. I’m sick of pretending like I don’t care when I talk to him, too. The fact of the matter, Travis, is this: Even my PARENTS know all about you and the sort of emotional mud you’ve been dragging me through. I see pictures of you and cringe. It’s time you received an open letter. And for once, I’m gonna go ahead and NOT care if your cute little girlfriend, who is, by default, an idiot, reads this.

Dear Travis,

I respect the fact that you refuse to cheat on your girlfriend of three years. You are a very noble man. In fact, I respect you for doing all that you can to avoid being in the same room as me these days. You and I both know that it’d be easier to get American troops out of Iraq than it would be to get your tongue out of my mouth if we were ever to, tragically, be left alone together.

I respect your ability to use your mind and step outside of this situation so that you can ascertain its importance in the long run. You have an impressive ability to weigh out your options, Travis. You should be a stock broker.

The only problem? Well, you’re a snakey asshole. Here’s what I DON’T respect about you: Read More »