Yeah, I do not concur with Bret on that.

I missed the first four minutes of the show but that doesn’t matter because my Trantastique is back with the subtitles! I’ve missed her so. Aubrey calls her a man and Bret insists that Trantastique is all woman which is kind of terrfying if you think about how up close you know Bret got to that. Poor thing had to quit stripping because everyone just wanted to talk to her and wouldn’t let her take off her clothes. I would want to just talk to her, too. She gives Bret a last lap dance and I am overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness. Read More »

Let’s just get right into this. I’m calling Daisy the Blow Fish/Skank Spice/Stripper with the Plastic Face for the win.

The show starts with the elimination that we saw from the previous episode, with Bret telling Ambre and Daisy to pack it up for Cancun. Bret’s excited because VH1 planned some great stuff at the Me by Melia Cancun.

Once they arrive and get setteld, the three go to dinner. Bret has questions for the ladies - but Daisy pulls out a list of questions of her own and Ambre and I are suprised at her reading and writing abilities. Blow Fish asks Bret about how he’s always referring to their physical attraction and Bret says that it’s because Daisy is still a “mystery” to him. There’s no mystery in Hep C, Bret.

Ambre tells Daisy that she leads with her sexuality and I don’t think that Daisy understands what that means.

Bret moves on to tell Ambre that her “win at all costs” attitude throws him off - and then she throws me off by kissing Bret. Was that to shut him up? Is Ambre all about her TV hosting career?

Anyway, Ambre and her two-toned hair have a date the next day, Daisy the day after.

So the next day as Ambre’s about to go on her Bret date, Daisy tells Ambre that it hurt her feelings when Ambre said that she leads with her sexuality. “I’m not afraid to be sexy.” It turns into Daisy telling Ambre that Ambre’s feeling inadequate and then Daisy tries to imitate Ambre’s walk. Ambre walks like a hunchback? Oh, Daisy, Ambre and the rest of the female population wish that they could be like you. Read More »

Okay, let’s get one thing straight. When people go to strip clubs and titty bars, they go there for the nakedness. Not the costumes, not the lighting, not the soundtrack (I mean, who hasn’t heard their fill of Pour Some Sugar On Me?), the nakedness.

Strip clubs are for seeing more than you could see strolling across a beach. Experiencing porn-like situations. Living out fantasies. Wasting hundreds of dollars. These are the sorts of experiences strip clubs provide. It’s common sense.

Except to idiots. Like Delegate John A. Cosgrove, a Chesapeake, Virginia, Republican. Cosgrove recently sponsored a bill that fights back against an August ruling that a Virginia law “prohibiting lewd conduct at establishments with liquor licenses was unconstitutional and too broad”. Read More »

Button up ladies, tuck in those bras, put away the lipgloss…apparently, sexy is on the out.

During a recent call with investors of Victorias Secret, Chief Executive Sharen Turney announced her belief that the brand has gotten….”too sexy”.

GASP. TOO SEXY?! Is there such a thing? I mean, you’re a lingerie store! Read More »

Are you one of those girls with a problem with strip/burlesque clubs? If the answer is YES, please proceed to paragraph number 1 and then read 2. If the answer is NO, please proceed to paragraph number 2.

1. Well, alright. I get it. You have respect for a woman’s body and sexuality, right? Watching men drool over a woman’s body with whom they have no personal, let alone emotional, connection with whatsoever is sickening, right?

Something about the placing of a dollar bill in a thong makes you want to barf. And the idea of your boyfriend/husband/love interest being the guy with the dollar bill is just thoroughly intolerable, right? After all, if you two are involved, he should only think about and see your body sexually, right? He should not be involved with the chauvinist society of strip club going men. That would make him much more like a slime ball than the perfect guy you THINK you’re dating.

But THINK is the key word here, ladies. I beg of you to place yourself in the mindset of the girls who have proceeded directly to paragraph 2. Suspend your opinions at least momentarily if you can. Read More »

Welcome the first of many recap parties for VH1’s Rock of Love 2. I’d like to thank you for reading this because it means that on some level, you share a love (whether open or closeted) for craptacular television.

But let’s get started, shall we?

Episode one is almost aptly named ‘Back on the Horse.’ Certain gossip blogs were kind of enough to post pictures of the contestants before the show’s premiere. Neigh. Is that the sound that horses make? It’s been a long time since pre-school.

I must admit that I was pulling for Brett in the first season. Despite the fact that Poison sucked and that he at times looks like a transvestite when he removes the bandana, I thought among the strippers in the house he’d find one with a heart of gold. Well, he did, but I digress…

In the beginning of the episode, Brett pulls up to the mansion and his hair looks like it was made in the Mattel factory. The girls don’t notice how unnaturally long or synthetic it is and cheer upon his arrival. Read More »

Who didn’t love Heather from Rock of Love?

The stripper turned business woman took some time out of her insane schedule to talk to us at College Candy and had some interesting things to say about life, her plans for the future, and finding a house.

The insanity surrounding the show can break some (Has Rodeo really lost her mind? Heather won’t say…) but this girl seems to have her head on straight on how to fully utilize her reality fame. Here’s what the classiest broad on TV had to say:

College Candy: So what are you doing today?
Heather: Well right now I’m about to take a shower, then I have a big meeting with VH1. I’m meeting up with Brooke Hogan afterwards and she and I are going house shopping in LA together.

CC: Brooke Hogan?? How did you two hookup?
H: Brooke and I met at the Reality Show awards and totally hit it off. She’s a great girl and someone I really enjoy spending time with. She’s looking for a place too.

CC: That’s a whole lot of blonde; any chance it’ll be filmed?
H: I can’t discuss what I’m doing in terms of TV. It’s all very hush hush, but the meeting today with VH1 is to talk about what I’m doing next with them. People all over the internet want to know what’s going on with me so I’m trying to get something going so people can see.

CC: Are you really moving in with Chris Crocker?
H: No, I just threw that out there because I thought it would be funny idea. I was never really that serious about it but the press just ate it up and ran with it. Read More »

Is she serious? This is it?

Watch in awe as one of our generation’s biggest f*ck-ups f*cks up royally. On a stripper pole, no less!

Try not to puke a little in your mouth…