[Just to preface things, because I know some of you out there are probably gonna surmise as much, I am indeed 500 pounds, have never had a boyfriend, am missing one eyebrow, and am so intimidated by other people’s attractiveness that I cry myself to sleep every night atop of a pile of melting cookie dough.]

It’s no secret that here at CC, we love Entourage. HBO and Showtime never cease to entertain with shows like Dexter, Weeds, and True Blood, but for some reason, Entourage has always held a special place in our hearts (and no, it’s not just because of this).

Besides the witty and quippy writing, Entourage is almost always hilarious, last night’s episode being no exception (everyone trips on shrooms in the desert and Ari desperately calls Lloyd to get him through his ordeal). The characters are strange yet likeable, and the Hollywood “scene” has never been drawn quite so wackily. So yeah, we love the show. Love it enough to stay up late on a Sunday night or TiVo it to watch immediately after work.

But here’s the thing: there’s pretty much no way to feel good about your body once the credits roll. A show created, produced, directed, and mostly written by men, Entourage is bursting at the seams with “hot” women. I’ve been watching for 5 seasons, and I honestly can’t remember a time when a female character was anything less than absolute runway material.

Everyone has big boobs. Everyone is thin and tall enough to dunk a b. ball like Michael Jordan. It’s like the casting director opened up a Victoria’s Secret catalogue, pointed to every single girl in there, and made sure she got a spot on the show. Read More »

You know how sometimes Friday rolls around, and your week has been really long, and some weird lady on the bus stared at you the whole way to work for no reason, and the guys in your office keep trying to get you to watch something you’re positive is gross and will scar you for life?

Yeah. It’s been one of those weeks.

So when we here at CC have one of those weeks, we sort of just talk about whatever we want — let it all hang out. Our filters have been corded by a week filled with strippers, bikini issues, porn, lists that piss people off, and of course, Guido dancing.

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Okay, kiddies – it’s the last episode and for some reason, MTV has set up a challenge. Why? There are only two people left.

For the stupid ‘melt the ice to get to Tila’s heart’ challenge, the best friends from home get to help. But all of this effort and the best friends being flown out are not worth it for stripper room time. Bo and his friends win – absolutely nothing. There are no strippers in the strip club. The whole thing is lame. After like 2.5 hours, the friends are out.

So I think it’s the next day and it’s final date time. Bo polishes his shoes and I wonder who’s groomed his eyebrows throughout the filming of this show. The MTV interns made a sports bar set out of the “club” for the date. Bo, aren’t you annoyed that you polished your shoes for yet another in-house date? Couldn’t they spring for cars to take this to a real sports bar?

Bo’s been wearing his hospital bracelet since his return, which I totally didn’t catch. He’s going to give it to Tila when he gets his key. Awwww. Very endearing, but she doesn’t care, Bo. I’m sorry.

Kristy’s final date follows and Tila’s puts on a terrible jailbird dress to eat dinner by the fireplace. Kristy tells Tila that while she’s sure about her feelings, she’s unsure about her lack of experience with women. Not sexually – just in the relationship sense. Tila’s got too many emotions going on in her mind to hear that Kristy’s saying, “So maybe don’t pick me.” Read More »

I have done sloppy second with a stripper. On stage. No, not on purpose.

I am not easily intimidated by guys. While I wouldn’t say that I have them completely figured out, I am confident with myself and with them to the point that I can talk to nearly any type of guy in any situation. Except for one.

Male strippers.

I had no idea that I was actually afraid of them until the night of the sloppy second – which was at Lucky Cheng’s. My friends and I had planned a night of bad food (seriously, I heard that the food there sucks) and a fabulous “dragdoll” wait staff. But instead of fabulousity, we learned that 1) they do not serve dinner on Fridays and 2) we would instead be watching a male review.

One of my friends and I wanted to leave but we were out voted and I panicked as we were led behind the curtain into a smallish room filled with sweat, humidity and about 75 women, half of whom were screaming at the mostly naked guys as though they were having the most fun ever.

Those guys not only smell your fear – they seem to be drawn to it. They loved our collective panic (at least mine and my friend’s) so much that they put our group on stage for the remainder of the show. This was all before I had adequate time to even get a little buzzed to help me deal with the situation. Read More »

Pizza and porn go together like peas and carrots. I mean, who doesn’t like to scarf down slices while enjoying some fine pornography? I know I do.

So it only makes sense that pizza establishments are recently catching on.

Porno Pizza, located in Winnipeg, includes a surprise - pornographic pictures - underneath their pies for customers who must show their 18-and-up ID’s to the delivery guy.

Founder Corey Wildeman said, “We cater to certain crowds” - yea, “certain crowds” meaning, hungry, horny Canadians.

Those Canadians sure are frisky, but us Americans can top that. Cordatos in Manhattan is a place that, for 10+ bucks will buy you a pizza and a lap dance!! From dancers who have been busted for prostitution!! That’s some bang for your buck.

Sure, pizza and porn reveals the male shovenist at its best, but it’s a gimmic and it works. It’s every man’s dream, really, so why not exploit that and make everyone happy? The only negative is that once this combination catches on and there’s a pizza-porn empire, guys everywhere will have a real excuse to take us ladies out less and less, and crave delivery more and more.

And we think Americans have a weight problem now…..