A male friend and I were having a conversation about a mutual friend and his new relationship. Nothing too crazy, or out of the ordinary, until my friend said this:

“…Yeah and he went over to her house and laid some serious pipe.”

I gasped. I’m no prude. I don’t usually sigh and clutch my chest at the thought of people dropping sex-bombs, but there are some euphemisms for sex that seriously turn me off. Here’s the top 5.

5: Doing The Nasty
Religion, our parents, and old-school sex ed videos did a great job drilling some hard-core shame into our psyches regarding sex. The last thing I need to think about before I do the deed is how what I’m doing is often described as nasty. Nasty is word reserved for boogers, vomit, blood or a combination of the three.

4: Anything Related To Deli Meats
I get it; I get it. A penis looks a lot like a sausage. That’s not something that warrants hundreds of euphemisms though is it? When I hear unfortunate phrases like “porking,” “hide the salami,” or “parking the beef bus in tuna town,” I want to make myself a sandwich, not have sex with you. Read More »

The Chilean police have arrested a woman who tried to perform a “routine” outside the presidential palace.

Though the government strongly opposed her behavior, the media has dubbed Monserrat Morilles La Diosa Metro, or “Metro Goddess.” The attemped performance outside of the palace followed a series of stripteases that Morilles carried out on Santiago subways.

Whereas the U.S. rewards nudity with notoriety (look at NYC’s Naked Cowboy!), Chilean society isn’t quite so liberated. In an attempt to make the introverted Chile a “happier” country, Morilles boarded the metro at one station, and performed a striptease while the train sped to the next station, where the entertainer deboarded the car.

I wonder if American media has influenced the Metro Goddess in any way? Stripping in front of a government office? Maybe VH1 should pick her up and give her her own reality dating show.

We’ve all seen them, whether they’ve been meandering along a random street corner or flashing frightened doe looks in the subway…I’ve been one, you’ve been one, we’ve all been one. That’s right, I’m talking about tourists; those people who don’t belong here but are visiting anyway.

While they can be cute to watch for awhile, for the most part it is extremely annoying to be walking along a street while fifty people surrounding you are walking at a glacial pace in order to take pictures of the same thing. You try not to bother with these flowery shirt folks, but it’s pretty inevitable that you will eventually come across one sooner or later.

So no matter where you are, here are some ways to spot, and hopefully avoid, tourists.

An abundance of fanny packs: Fanny packs seem to be the universal fashion wear for any tourist and a prime target to look for when spotting said tourist. These extra hip appendages also come in handy for any muggers looking for fresh meat.

Anyone wearing a fanny pack might as well be wearing a shirt that says ‘I AM A TOURIST! ROB ME!’ Not only are you making yourself easy bait for pick pockets and other crazy people, but these zippered pouches just look plain stupid hanging from your side like that. The fact is, whether you’re a tourist or not, fanny packs are never, ever, considered sexy. Now take it off and put your wallet in your pocket where it’s supposed to be. Read More »

I came across this article the other day, an article about how chivalry is dead, and my generation is the one who killed it.

To prove her point, the article’s author explained how she’s often cat called when she walks down the street, and laments about the days when men tipped their hats and said “mornin‘” instead of leering at a pair of breasts and saying “yee!”

Even though I think she’s got a point when she talks about certain forms of traditional chivalry going out the window (the last time a man tipped his hat at me was…well, never, and not once has anyone ever thrown a jacket over a mud puddle), I’m pretty sure that using cat calls to define the death of chivalry is just plain incorrect.

Look, men have been cat calling women since the day they realized their mouths made sounds and breasts were awesome. Sure, Victorian dudes opened carriage doors for us and offered their elbow when the terrain got rough, but don’t think they weren’t whistling and jeering under those handlebar mustaches and cute little bowler hats. Perhaps they weren’t shouting “aye, mami!” when a fine looking bustle walked down the street, but you can bet a Victorian chick knew when a Mr. Darcy was hating to see her leave, but loving to see her go. Read More »

I was born in New York, I live and work and play in New York, and chances are I’ll die in New York (hopefully not too soon). So I’ve taken a lot (lot LOT) of rides on the subway and the Long Island Railroad. And it has mostly sucked.Yesterday, during one subway ride alone, I experienced three (THREE!!!) subway faux pas(es?) during a 45-minute commute. Look, enough is enough. The time has come, my friends! Rules must be set in place. Action must be taken.

So here, for your thoughtful perusal, are my 8 Arbitrary Rules of Public Transportation:

(1) Thou Shall Not Hit Others In The Head With Thy Weave.
I’m minding my own business, listening to Weezer and wondering whether or not I’m going to be late to class, when these two women with orange faces and giant sunglasses (you know what I’m talking about? you know what I’m talking about) get on the train and sit practically on top of me. They are screaming about some other women that they apparently don’t like. And then–Weave Woman, who has the LARGEST blonde ponytail you have ever seen, WHACKS me in the face with her “hair.” This happens four more times before I finally can’t deal and I move. She never says sorry. Weave Woman, learn the rules. Read More »

I spend a lot of time telling myself to relax.

Relax, I tell myself. It’s okay that you didn’t have time to straighten your bangs this morning–no one is looking at you. It’s okay that you just said something really stupid to a tourist on the subway–no one is noticing you. No one else really knows you exist. RELAX.

Unfortunately, my seemingly-insane paranoia was validated yesterday.

My boyfriend and I went into a diner that I haven’t been to for about three years. And this is Manhattan, right, so there have been millions of patrons since the last time I’ve been there. And I was never a regular customer or anything like that.

So yesterday I’m in this diner and the waiter brings me my cup of tea and he says, didn’t you used to wear glasses? i remember you–you came in here a few years ago.

And I almost peed myself. Read More »

This time of year is notoriously spent looking forward and making resolutions for the upcoming year. I have never really been a resolution kinda gal - I don’t wait until the New Year to make the important changes in my life – so I often spend the weeks leading up to New Year’s looking back.

Not so much on changes I’ve made or how far I’ve come; more at the ridiculous situations I have found myself in over the past 365 days.

My 2007 can probably be summed up as a year of dating. Not relationships. Dating. I made a lot of drastic changes this year – online dating, getting setup, handing out my phone number – and it definitely made for a lot of first dates, one quasi-good relationship, and some amazing stories.

Looking back on everything, there was one particularly amazing story that I think everyone can enjoy.

Right before moving home from New York last year, I met a boy online. He seemed really interesting and funny through IM’s so we started talking on the phone and eventually planned a date.

“I want to take you out for drinks and dinner,” he told me.

We decided to meet at a central location, grab a drink and then head downtown to a cute little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant he and his dad had been eating at for years. I am not usually a fan of multiple locations (or even dinner!) on the first date, but he seemed so excited that I really couldn’t resist. Read More »

“Good Morning Upper East Siders…It’s Gossip Girl here...”

Similar to the infamous and mysterious Gossip Girl, I too can wake up in the morning, open my curtains, and look out over a street that is located in the idealized glamorous neighborhood of Manhattan’s Upper East Side. But, unlike Blair, Serena, and the other over-privileged characters, my window looks out over the street from my fourth floor tiny studio…in a walk up building (this means i climb four flights of stairs everytime I come home to my apt, no elevator).

You may be wondering how this is possible for a recent college graduate struggling to make it in the most expensive city in the world to be living in such close proximity to those who live the wealthiest and most luxurious lifestyle imaginable.

Well, contrary to what many people think, beyond the extravagant buildings and penthouses occupied by the rich, this area is actually one of the most affordable in the city for young adults. Why? Many prewar walk up buildings (like mine) that are older, lack an elevator and doorman, and are closer to the river (a farther walk to the subway) are in this area. Read More »

Sometimes the week goes by really f*cking slow.

Work, classes, friends, family…sometimes it gets a little too routine for my liking. So, I decided to make a change and really spice things up.

This week? I’m channeling Grandma. After 92 years, my grandma knows what’s up…I mean she better after almost a century, right?

Right.

So if you’re feeling like you’re in a bit of a slump, try out some of these suggestions or come up with your own takes on ways to make the week fly by!

Perfect Time-Waster: Crossword Puzzles

The internet is great and all, but this week I’m on a low-tech kick.

And for someone who majored in Journalism and minored in English, it would only make sense that I have been completely enamored with crossword puzzles.

It started out as a time-waster on the subway (thanks AM New York!) but has evolved into a true pleasure that I’m willing to spend a whopping $2.99 on. You know those puzzle books you see old ladies on the bus with? Yes, I’m totally into them.

Still addicted to the net? Check out some amazing crosswords here.

P.S. Try making it a couples thing…it worked for them. Read More »

I’m pretty sure microtrends were something we learned about in Sociology. That was also the class in college I had to force myself to sit through for at least 45 minutes.

Then I would just walk out.

Even though I know nothing about them (I got a C in Soc), I can understand them on a level I can see.

I see people knitting on the subway everyday. The rise of stitch and bitch groups is just as prevalent as getting tattooed during undergrad.

And apparently, tattoos and knitting among our age demographic are quite telling microtrends.

And Mark Penn, a “pollster” as this article calls him, says that mircrotrends “reveal the often baffling “under the radar” shifts that are reshaping American society—from one based on group identity and forces of circumstance such as race, religion and education to one based on personal choice.”

By the time everyone else has caught on to the microtrend “it is ready to spawn a hit movie, best-selling book or new political movement.”

But, why knitting and tattoos?

Grandma isn’t the only one knitting these days. Knitting is most popular for teens and twenty-somethings. Between 2004-2005, yarn sales rose 56%. And this rise in knitting shows that our generation is turning away from the virtual world and searching for something tangible to express ourselves. Read More »