Three days ago, I returned from the first ever Rothbury Festival in Rothbury, Michigan – a 5-day musical event featuring an eclectic range of music, from Dave Matthews to Disco Biscuits to Snoop Dogg. I’m exhausted, my feet are calloused & my cheeks are sunburnt (& freckly!), and maybe it was just all the booze, greenery & glow sticks, but my little spirit is renewed.

After spending a night chillaxin’ in Sherwood Forrest, letting my fatigued body sink into a colorful hammock for two and talk for hours with one of my new best friends over cocktails in combustible corn cups, I knew it was time for a change. A huge, life-changing, effortful change. Something about spending the weekend surrounded by happy, empowering, inspirational people (albeit a little dirty & drugged-up) was a huge, magical, sparkly slap in the face that it’s time for me to conquer, one-by-one, all the things I want to in life.

So, without further adieu, here is my list of sweet stuff I wanna learn.

1. How to give a kick-a** massage. I am OBSESSED with massages. I try to con all my boyfriends, friends, (even boy friends!) to give me little shoulder, back or foot massages (perfect after a long day at work…or shopping). However, I am just as inclined to return the favor because I know how ridiculously nice (and/or orgasm-inducing) a massage can be.

2. How to make sweet jewelry. I used to be the baddest b*tch on the block because I could make friendship bracelets with any color of the rainbow out of any type of string. Unfortunately, I haven’t practiced my art for about, oh, 10 years & I think it’s time for me to get back in the game. But, I sure will have a lot of catching up to do. Read More »

Well, the blisteringly glorious months of summer are upon us. Here we are, drenched in sweat and heat irritation, more concerned with our margaritas than all of the things we swore we’d be doing once summer came back when it was cold. Let it now be known; I am against this summertime laziness. I will not abandon the to-do lists I made in January for July. I will freeze bottles of water and let them nurse me through my adventures, because winter already depresses me as it is…I don’t need to add summer regrets to my list of things that bum me out when the cold weather returns.

So here are some things I’m definitely doing before summer ends…maybe you should add them to your list, too! Read More »

Though the weather is a little bipolar, it’s slowly but surely getting summery outside and mamma needs a new swimsuit. Mamma is also, incidentally, a total cheap-ass. Scope mamma’s favorite picks for under $50.

Xhilaration Polka Dot Bikini:
Clown-esque. Wear it when you bring your nieces to the beach.

Xhilaration Bandeau Halter:
For girls who love to shred.

Hot Topic Rasta Stripe Halter:
Perfect for enjoying the cheeba at a backyard BBQ. Puff puff pass!

Arizona Striped Monokini:
Sure that guy’s a douche, but he has a boat! Ideal for yachting.

Newport News Belted One Piece:
It’s belted so it doesn’t fall down while you’re fighting crime.

Newport News Lavender Swimdress:
For ladies who see no reason why one shouldn’t wear pearls while tanning.

Spiegel Print Tankini:
Doodles + swimsuit = funzies.

Spiegel Peach Brooch Halter:
So Sophia Loren. Comes with a bottle of champagne.