After what felt like zillions of months of waiting, there was finally a new episode of House this week. And I’m sorry to say that if you missed it… well, you didn’t miss much. It didn’t totally suck, but the writers must have been warming up before they eased into the really good stuff. Here’s a recap:

The patient du jour was a dude who collapsed during a protest and who appeared to have no major symptoms other than occasional fainting spells. House, however, usurped the patient with the theory that his niceness (yes, NICENESS) was a symptom of a more serious illness.

After a bunch of tests, the team found out that the guy had neurosyphilis and that the condition was supposedly affecting his brain. Kutner also tested a vial of “House’s” blood that he found lying around and discovered that House had syphilis. Long story short: House planted the blood so he could pretend to get nicer with treatment and make the team believe that his initial opinion of niceness being a defect was correct. Read More »

Like nails scratching a chalkboard, I cannot stand PDA. Some call me cold. Some call me heartless. I call myself considerate of humankind.A peck on the cheek here and there, fine. You like each other. You’re having a lot of sex. I get it. But Lapdog Syndrome seems to be the STD plaguing my peers even more so than syphilis.

You know the symptoms: the girlfriend becomes a lifeless, glassy - eyed rag doll on the overprotective boyfriend’s lap. It’s more precious than erotic, but equally gag - inducing. It’s almost as bad as the patented crotch - grab. Read More »

Summertime’s for lovin’, which ostensibly means that summertime’s for STDs. And this summer, a whopper of an STD is back with a vengeance: syphilis.

The only thing they ever told us about syphilis in health class is that Al Capone died from it. So, I figured if I stayed away from the mafia I’d be okay. But as the New York Post reports, there have been 260 cases in New York City alone this year.

Syphilis is no longer a thing of the past, a disease that claimed the young lives of powerful visionaries like King Edward VI and Ivan the Terrible. Nope, Syphilis has finally caught up with the times. It’s a vintage STD, back for more. But not vintage in a good way. Vintage like… leg warmers. Read More »