You date, you learn. And you’d think that the people you date will just vanish of the face off the earth, because it’s only polite, right? You dealt with the waves of nausea and anxiety during the end-phase, and so they should bother you no longer.

“Should” being the key word.

I’m a fan of amicably parting ways, sure, but when you pointedly don’t is the guaranteed time that son of a bitch will come back to haunt you. So as a preventative measure you weed them out. You try to be proactive and delete them from your phone—number, email, all of it, and even those text messages and voicemails you like to listen to.

Have faith, you’ll find a new distraction, let down your guard because this one’s different, and the cycle can repeat itself all over again. Joy. In any case, you make moves and move on, and the ex, or pseudo-ex, or whatever you called him is but a distant memory.

If you haven’t guessed by now, the weeding out can bite you in the ass. Please, dear readers, learn from my mistakes. Read More »

At least that’s what she told Star Magazine.

This kid is so cute, we maybe, kinda (not for a long, long time) want kids.

Do lip plumpers really work?

Nicole Richie heads back to work.

The Halloween Costume Generator (for the ladies).

Nominate your school for the next Victoria’s Secret collection!

Does anyone use the phone anymore!?

Yes! We can finally get Zac Efron to sleep with us!

Britney set to perform live on Dec. 2! Trainwreck? We hope so!

Michigan grad to be on Vh1’s “The Pickup Artist”

The perfect Halloween accessories.

So here’s the sitch: John “I’m not dead yet” McCain likened Barack “Too Sexy for this presidency” Obama to Paris Hilton in one of his feeble attempts to get attention, or you know, “campaign,” which is pretty funny considering that McCain is married to a character who is very similar to Hilton. You know, blonde, looks like a leather handbag, is an heiress to a shit-ton of money but doesn’t really contribute other than being “umm, kinda good looking?”

I digress.

Anyway, the democrats got all pissy and whiney about the ad and made some comments that didn’t do anything to help the situation, but I’m sure they’re still whining about it, not being productive, you know, the usual. I didn’t really see the problem with the ad, mainly because I was psyched about Paris Hilton being president.

I’m not really wild about either candidate, so I’m going to have to say we all write-in Paris Hilton for president for 2008. Mostly, because who couldn’t do a better job than what’s his name? Also, because she would hopefully implement some great policies that would bring this country out of it’s depressing state.

She’s a perfect representative for America. She has tons of super sweet connections with people, even if the majority of her network is people she’s given blow jobs to. She’s concerned with appearances and does not approve of anything “not hot,” like terrorism, hate crimes, animal cruelty and flannel. She doesn’t seem to care about either the Democrat or Republican party, but she does party, thus making her the perfect middle ground this country needs. Read More »

Why (oh why) can’t some girls just let some things go?

Take my situation for instance and please, shed some light.

I am in a relationship with a very wonderful guy; we’ve been dating for a little over six months and things are great. Before we met and started dating, my now boyfriend had a semi-relationship with this girl and, to spare humiliation even though she deserves it, let’s just call her Rachel (which is NOT her real name).

Rachel and my boyfriend were “hanging out” (using this term loosely, use your imagination here) for a few months while Rachel was in a serious relationship with someone else. So, she was cheating on her current boyfriend with my now boyfriend, without any regard for anyone’s feelings but her own.

When my boyfriend and I got together, I kept light about the situation, but told him that I did not want to start things with him if things were not finished with her. He broke off whatever affair they were having because he wanted to pursue me. He let her go. She, on the other hand, held on…with a death grip. Read More »

I’m tired of talking to my friends about this ONE guy who has been haunting my love life, or lack thereof, since the fall. I’m sick of pretending like I don’t care when I talk to him, too. The fact of the matter, Travis, is this: Even my PARENTS know all about you and the sort of emotional mud you’ve been dragging me through. I see pictures of you and cringe. It’s time you received an open letter. And for once, I’m gonna go ahead and NOT care if your cute little girlfriend, who is, by default, an idiot, reads this.

Dear Travis,

I respect the fact that you refuse to cheat on your girlfriend of three years. You are a very noble man. In fact, I respect you for doing all that you can to avoid being in the same room as me these days. You and I both know that it’d be easier to get American troops out of Iraq than it would be to get your tongue out of my mouth if we were ever to, tragically, be left alone together.

I respect your ability to use your mind and step outside of this situation so that you can ascertain its importance in the long run. You have an impressive ability to weigh out your options, Travis. You should be a stock broker.

The only problem? Well, you’re a snakey asshole. Here’s what I DON’T respect about you: Read More »

Nothing creates a buzz like a crrrrraaaaaazy combination. Like PUGGLES!! And MEGGINGS!

Which is why “Smexting” - or, the combo of “texting while smoking” is all the rage for people who need their fidgety fixes. Recent research shows that as more and more smoking gets prohibited in restaurants and other public places, the number of sent text messages increases.

UK’s phone brand, Orange, coined the term after discovering that, in the two weeks following a workplace smoking ban in England, text traffic went up by seven and half million messages!

Okay, it’s not exactly a phrase that rolls off the tongue, (”She’s been smending me creepy mext smessages,” “He won’t stop smexting me!” etc, etc) but smexting totally makes sense.

Engadget.com says, “…smokers freshly ousted outdoors to get their smoke on need something to do to pass the time — out comes the phone, and, well, you know the rest. Secondly, smokers that are working on quitting as a result of the ban are turning to texting to give their fidgety, nerve-wracked fingers something to do and to seek support from friends.”

Even though I’m not a smoker myself, I definitely have been comforted by the art of the text - sitting alone on a bench, awkwardly standing in a silent elevator, waiting on my friends to show up at party (what, they were late, ok?) and feeling that burning desire to whip out my phone and start texting like a crazy person, just to keep busy, look distracted and not look like a complete loser with no friends. Read More »