With shows like The Bachelor and MTV’s Next long played out, it’s no wonder that many of us have lost our interest in reality TV shows based on finding love.

By now, it’s become more than blatantly obvious that many of the shows are scripted with characters who all fit the same few personality descriptions. The process of watching these bimbos battle it out for some hairy neandrathal has become tired and frankly, boring.

So, why have I seen every episode of VH1’s new Bachelor-esque reality TV show Rock of Love? I’ve been trying to answer this question myself. I could care less about the star of the show, Bret Michaels, the lead singer of the 80’s hair band Poison.

He’s not particularly attractive, his band is forgettable, and he seems kind of lame for a rock star. The show seems to depict him as boring- he has no defining characteristics. He’s nice enough to the girls he’s “dating”, but doesn’t show any signs that he may be able to handle an actual relationship.

Every time he appears on the show, he’s either participating in show-sponsered dates, or walking around with a beer in his hand and an uninspired look on his face. Read More »

I’m mad. ABC promised that the season finale of The Bachelor was going to be the most exciting EVER. And they lied.

Sorry, Bachelor. I hate to complain, but talk about a two - hour snoozefest. It’s not that it was clear the entire time who was going to “win,” it’s just that both girls were so earnest and so… boring. I am convinced Tessa and Bevin were actually the same person making use of some very realistic wigs. The only entertaining part of the episode was watching Andy read aloud the girls’ notes to him — sound it out, honey. Sound it out. Oh, and when Tessa made him a picture collage. Hey, that’s the same thing I made for my boyfriend in fourth grade! How funny. Great minds think alike. Read More »

The Bachelor should be renamed “Euphemisms For Sex.”

I need to start keeping count of the different ways sex is implied, but the good ones include: “Special time,” “closeness,” and “electric soul connection.” Come on, it’s 2007, cant they just say “doin’ it” like the rest of us?

And there’s really no need to mask Andy’s inevitable dirty proclivities with the presentation of a rosewater bath for the couple to enjoy. Andy was in the Navy, for heaven’s sake — he’s not going to be taking any sort of BATH to experience “closeness” with one of his ladyfriends. Read More »

Our fearless Bachelor is dealing with a pretty lean steak filled with women this time around. The most he could do last night was crush little orphan Amber’s dreams of marrying him barefoot, in a seaside ceremony (you just KNOW he’s gonna have one of those weddings).

I felt bad for Amber and the important social welfare issues her story raised (child endangerment, rape of a minor, pedophilia), but where are the crazies this season? I want to see someone go off the wall and start biting. These girls are all wayyyyy too normal.

Wait. No they’re not. They’re looking for “love” on The Bachelor! There MUST be something wrong with them, we just have to look hard and carefully. Fine. I like a challenge. Read More »

Yes, love is worth putting your life on hold for. But is the bachelor worth putting off studying for my nutrition exam?

Well, YEAH! I can really empathize with the bachelorettes this season because I dated a guy last fall who dated another girl at the same time as me, and it totally sucked, and he never even gave me $2 million worth of diamonds that he borrowed from ABC, not even to wear around the house.

I’m a little sick of all the man - in - uniform - as - a - white - knight - who - will - rescue - you metaphors, but this season is going swimmingly (literally: why are these people always doing water sports? Are water sports a precursor to true love? If so, I need to learn to swim). Read More »

This season of The Bachelor is no disappointment. Andy, while Ken-doll cute, is just a touch dull. Luckily, as a doctor, he knows that alcohol is the cure for a lack of personality. I just hope he doesn’t drink like he does on the show before he operates. The girls, as always, are toothy, tube-topped lovelies, trying to make light of the fact that they’re participating in a televised brothel.

Anyway, I really feel for the girls, especially when the producers of the show make them go on outdoor dates at night– they always look so cold! Poor Peyton and Tessa were shrinking under their pashminas on that aircraft carrier. So much for romance– Andy’s only got two arms, and one of them has to hold the booze.

If I leared anything from last night’s episode, it is that openness and honesty are the keys to a functioning relationship with a man who is dating 12 other women on national television. My rose goes to Kate, who not only has an impressive head of hair but a sense of humor (intentional or unintentional?) about the situation. My greatest wish is for her and dandy Andy to have some “affectionate time” together. We’ll just have to wait until next week…

I usually watch TV at really odd hours, like 6 a.m. or 2 a.m., so I mostly end up watching Emeril Live (it’s always on!) or QVC.

I attempt to watch regularly scheduled popular programming, but besides a three-week flirtation with Grey’s Anatomy last semester, I really don’t have the stamina to keep up with a show.

So it might surprise you that I was totally psyched to find out that The Bachelor was back for a seventh season last Monday.

The Bachelor is the perfect show: illustrious, dumb, catty, ridiculous = completely entertaining. I’ve been hooked since season 1. In past seasons, I grew a bit dismayed because the bachelors in question were subpar. Things got weird. Read More »