So, I was gone for a few weeks and missed out on a lot of Hills recapping. I was so excited to get back into it…until I actually watched tonight’s totally sucky episode. Like most episodes of The Hills, nothing really happened. In fact, the entire show can be broken down into two sentences:

Lauren and Audrina make up.
Spencer acts like a douche in front of his Nana.

Now, let’s take a closer look. Read More »

Well, tonight’s episode of The Hills definitely made up for last week’s lackluster performance. Big things happened! Audrina moved out! Heidi got drunk! And then she got fired!

OMFG it’s like drama overload.

Ok, breathe, Lauren. Let’s start from the beginning.

So, Audrina decides she wants to move out of the house and – poof! – she finds a place. And not just any place; a beautiful, huge, brand new place. What luck?! I mean, I spent 2 months looking for an apartment in NY before I found one…that was in Queens…and I shared with a girl who got drunk and ate in the bathroom and another girl who abused Ambien. Did I mention the lack of A/C? Read More »

Wow. What a crappy episode of The Hills. Did anything really happen? Did that episode really last 30 minutes, because it felt like 10. Most of the show was pretty bo-ring, so instead of recapping a bunch of crap, I will just focus on the main event:

Justin Bobby and Audrina kinda sorta break up and makeup, take 246:

Audrina goes to work in the recording studio with Brandy (?!), but leaves the studio because Justin Bobby wants to see her. Because everyone A) has the opportunity to go into a recording studio with Brandy (?!), and B) everyone in the real world can just leave work when their dirty and weird kinda-sorta boyfriend stops by (or, you know, their flesh-colored-bearded BF stops by to talk about people messing with the DVR).

So, apparently Audrina goes out there to tell JB that she’s totally dunzo. But then Justin Bobby is sitting on his Chopper and wearing a hat and says all these things to sweep her off her feet. You know, sweet nothings like: Read More »

Tonight’s episode of The Hills was similar to one they have at least once a season. You know - nothing happens, but the episode is still necessary to begin building up the drama that will come next week. It’s OK, though; the episode wasn’t a total loss:

Heidi finally admitted to spreading the sex tape rumor!
“I said things out of anger that I didn’t mean.”

We got you, Montag. I knew it was you all along. Obviously, I know that evil Spencer coerced you into doing it, but I could always tell you were lying about having no part in it (which was difficult considering the fact that your face doesn’t move anymore, and, therefore, your “expressions” are hard to read). Read More »

Looks like the joke’s on us, ladies. We were all tossing and turning last night worried about the fate of our dear Brody and Doug in jail, only to learn that they were not arrested.

They were in CASINO jail pressing charges against someone for pussy punching Doug and dumping a bloody mary on Brody. MTV, I hate you.

The real drama of the episode had nothing to do with jail at all. It had to do with Audrina, runny mascara and Spencer officially going down as the biggest jerk of all time.

Let’s begin with Spencer (because I can’t hold it in anymore). I would just like to ask – again – if anyone else remembers that time when Spencer was down and out over his breakup with Barbie and he turned to his sister for help. He did not clean up after himself. He never really left the couch. So now he has Heidi’s sis on his couch (or in his “office,” as he refers to it) for 48 hours and he won’t stop crying about it. Read More »

Holy drama. It looks like the crew from The Hills is battling the whole “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” thang. There was some major shiz goin’ down in the City of Sin that is definitely goin’ back to L.A. with these kids.

Before you get all “Awww, Stephanie cried! She does have a heart,” on me, let’s discuss. Yes, I did feel sorta bad for the girl when she started crying into her filet mignon at dinner, but I can’t hate on Brody for making the girl crack. She started the whole scene by calling him out; what did she expect to happen? Her intent was to make him look bad and he just flipped it back around on her.

Everyone else is hating on Brody now for making a girl (or devil) cry, but I got your back, Brody. You and Audrina. Read More »

Whew! Tonight’s episode of The Hills really wiped me out. Between all that bicoastal travel and those beers I had at my Labor Day BBQ, I was tired. Although it may also have to due with my lingering hangover from Saturday’s festivities.

But I digress.

It seems as though with every passing episode of The Hills I find myself hating someone else. First it was Spencer (duh), then Heidi (double duh), then Jen Bunny, Lauren and, naturally, Lo. Well, another one bites the dust: Whitney.

Don’t get me wrong - Whitney is awesome. She is nice, smart, driven and has a killer wardrobe. But the fact that she gets to travel between L.A. and NYC dressing hot guys for model casting calls just makes me want to scream. Why her?! Why not me?! That girl must have some sort of magical spell on Kelly Cutrone; she made the woman smile!

And it was scary.

While Whit was off playing Dress the Hottie on the East Coast, LC was back in L.A. trying to break things off with Doug. I don’t really know why you’d break up with a guy who looks that good (considering the guy she really loves wears camo…), but I do have to commend her on actually sitting down and breaking things off. I tend to stick to the “avoid him until he gets it” tactic, so it was admirable– while totally awkward – that she went to his place to give him the news. Read More »