Okay, kiddies – it’s the last episode and for some reason, MTV has set up a challenge. Why? There are only two people left.

For the stupid ‘melt the ice to get to Tila’s heart’ challenge, the best friends from home get to help. But all of this effort and the best friends being flown out are not worth it for stripper room time. Bo and his friends win – absolutely nothing. There are no strippers in the strip club. The whole thing is lame. After like 2.5 hours, the friends are out.

So I think it’s the next day and it’s final date time. Bo polishes his shoes and I wonder who’s groomed his eyebrows throughout the filming of this show. The MTV interns made a sports bar set out of the “club” for the date. Bo, aren’t you annoyed that you polished your shoes for yet another in-house date? Couldn’t they spring for cars to take this to a real sports bar?

Bo’s been wearing his hospital bracelet since his return, which I totally didn’t catch. He’s going to give it to Tila when he gets his key. Awwww. Very endearing, but she doesn’t care, Bo. I’m sorry.

Kristy’s final date follows and Tila’s puts on a terrible jailbird dress to eat dinner by the fireplace. Kristy tells Tila that while she’s sure about her feelings, she’s unsure about her lack of experience with women. Not sexually – just in the relationship sense. Tila’s got too many emotions going on in her mind to hear that Kristy’s saying, “So maybe don’t pick me.” Read More »

MTV and the crew are bringing this shizz to Cancun. Do Brittany, Bo and Kristy have to share a big velvet purple bed here too? I’m sorry – I’m obsessed with this bed.

As soon as they arrive, they have pool and lunch/talk time. Bo and his well-waxed eyebrows have nothing to say until he finds out that he can’t ride on the jet skis with the girls because of his jaw. He gets upset and takes it personally. Bo, need I remind you – spitting out tons of blood, split jaw, emergency room – surgery?!?

Then we have the condom blow up race – the person who wins gets to choose when they have their date. The catch: the game isn’t about speed; it’s about how they work the pump. Yes, working the pump. I’m shaking my head as I type this. Brittany wins and decides to spend the second night with Tila; she then chooses Bo go to on the first date and Kristy to go on the last one.

So the rest of the episode is basically going to be Tila making out with everyone and possibly spending the night with each of them.

Bo date: Bo’s apologies for acting like a baby earlier in the date and Tila cries about hurting Bo’s feelings and then she initiates a kiss, which totally surprises me because it seems like she doesn’t want to even be on the show. Did you guys even eat anything? Read More »

Let’s just cut to it - sixteen people are left in that bed.

Their challenge for the day is a biathlon and with that, I am over the whole Tila’s bi thing and it’s only episode three. Tila looks bored as she announces that it’s boys versus girls. What do pearl necklaces and blue balls have to do with biathlons? Oh.

This challenge makes me wonder why I never had a slip n slide when I was a kid. “I cruised through it until I got to the blue balls; then it all fell apart for me…that was my downfall, the blue balls.” Isn’t that how it always happens, Ryan?

Do they all share a wet suit? Chad is last and he too struggles with blue balls. Why do they call Jersey Lisa/Toni from Paradise Hotel lookalike Rizzo? I like her. I might like-her like her. Oh, and she wins it for the girls. Aw, Chad, I heart you even though you lost.

The girls win a date. Which consists of the girls – going to school. They are dressed in terrible school girl uniforms and Tila’s going to teach them – what? How to make a Myspace page? Read More »

The show starts with Tila camera-faking that she is scared and excited that 15 guys and 15 girls are moving into her MTV house and I need to know how much she gets paid for this.

Why do they all sleep in one bed? I would kill myself with all of the random breathing and feet and gross.

Brittany doesn’t want “a male genital” in her face in the morning. I’m guessing that she thinks that testicles don’t come in pairs. Chad brought a blow up doll with him like the cool person that he is and there’s a bar in the room. That’s what was missing.

Tila re-emerges and how many outfits per episode will she go through?

Oh, God, there is a casino set up in the house because she wants someone with nerves of steel. Can you ask them to do something that could potentially injure them or actually demonstrate that they can be cool under pressure? I don’t think that drinking and gambling are much of a stretch for this bunch.

Tila pulls one of the Jersey girls out for one on one time and Kyle is creepy and following them. Well, they find it creepy. Come stalk me, Kyle. Read More »

I did not watch season one and I was very proud of myself until I decided that I needed to fill the void that ROL and Bret were leaving in my heart and TV time.

Oh, Tila, maybe this time it will work for you.

So Tila is newly single and 15 guys and 15 girls arrive to compete for the affections of the MySpace ho. Tila comes out in gold booty shorts saying that it didn’t work out with Bobby and that she’s still bi. And by bi, she means a liar.

She wastes no time and starts with a boys vs. girls cage dance off in order to win Tila time. She encourages them to remove clothing and of course a girl removes her top and Nick, the elder care specialist, drops his drawers. I’m not amused by the shot glasses blocking out body parts; it’s not clever.

The girls win and do they recycle MTV houses? I only saw one episode, but it looks like they covered Domenico’s faux marble with blue and pink carpets.

I like that we know everyone’s occupations. Will they keep their jobs after this? There are way too many people from New York and New Jersey on this show. Read More »