So, we’re two seconds into the highly-anticipated season premiere of Gossip Girl, and already the hormones are flying! Cue gratuitous shot of Chace Crawford, panting and frisking some girl in the front seat of a car.

Mmmmm.

But this is GG, people. Chace Crawford sexcapades can hardly satisfy our thirst for smut clothed in Prada. Cut to Chuck, chardonnay in hand, on a beach with one…two…three insanely hot girls. Oh, Chuck Bass. You are what every sixteen-year-old boy should aspire to be before graduating high school.

First shocker of the episode: GG informs us that “Lonely Boy” Dan isn’t so lonely after all. It seems he has a new chick — wait, maybe two new girls? Can you spell R-E-B-O-U-N-D?

Of course, before our first commercial break, we need a love triangle, and some legit dramz. Send Chuck to meet Blair, looking sweet and dapper with roses in hand. Insert random new man (James), let Blair make steamy eye contact with Chuck and then shove her tongue down new guy’s throat. This is how it goes down for high schoolers in the Hamptons.

It’s game, set, match for Blair when she enjoys dinner with both James and Chuck, yet she still feels the need to run after Chuck when he storms away from the table with his tail between his legs. WTF Blair? We know you don’t feel the same way for James as you did for Nate. Otherwise you wouldn’t be chasing Chuck. Alas, poor Chuck, who used to be made of steel, turns on the waterworks again, just in time for another gratuitous Chace Crawford shot — hottie Nate running down the street in his underwear after his new lover’s husband comes home early from work. Read More »