Dear Mr. Thong Inventor,

I would like to preface this letter by saying that your work has made a large yet incredibly skimpy contribution to my adolescent years. And while I do believe in the nobleness of your cause, I am rather puzzled by the method to the madness of such an invention. As I hold up the tiny piece of fabric that is my underwear, several questions come to mind, such as:

• Which came first: The thong, or “The Thong Song”?
The first time I heard the thong song, I was 11-years-old. Try explaining to a sixth grader, still under-clad with flower-print Hanes grannie panties, the concept of a thong. Watching a leprechaun of a man do cartwheels on the beach doesn’t really do that good of a job of explaining the exact science behind the thong. In fact, I’m pretty sure I thought he was singing about summertime footwear up until 2001, when I realized I needed to wear this contraption to be socially acceptable.

• Where the devil did you get this genius idea?
Was it a public service project? Did you see one too many VPLs (Visible Panty Lines, for you not-in-the-knows) and proclaim “I’ve had it! I’m inventing buttless underwear!” To you, Mr. Thong Inventor, going commando just wasn’t an option. Now that point I can understand, as I probably have not washed my jeans since the opening night of “Sex and the City.” And who really likes walking around with that “I’m wearing the pant equivalent of dirty underwear” feeling all day? Yeah, neither do I. So really, Mr. T.I, you were the answer to my laundry-lazy, VPL-phobic prayers.

• How the hell did you get it to catch on?
No seriously. It takes pure skill to get a woman to try on a permanent wedgie, let alone make it a long lasting trend in the sexy lingerie industry. Think about it: it’s a tiny scrap of cotton, satin, silk, or pearls (hey, I dunno what kinda stuff you’re into…) that is designed to chill between your butt cheeks all day. But women still go crazy for them! They even tease other women that don’t wear their underwear up their ass. Read More »

Society has been telling us for years that the sexiest thing to sport under just about anything is a thong. But what do guys really think? What do they really want to see when they shimmy that girl out of her newest pair of skinnies? Or, do they even really care? I mean…they got our pants off. Isn’t that enough?

He Said:
Guys don’t really know much about women’s underwear past “This type gives me a boner, that type doesn’t.” When you’re in high school (or from Long Island), thongs are the best thing this side of Steak and a Blow Job Day–mainly because the tops of thongs usually pop up above girls’ pants, drawing our eyes and attention directly to the butt part of the body, flooding our imaginations with arrest-worthy thoughts.

Still, some (adult) dudes will tell you they like the thong best–on certain girls. But nowadays, it’s all about the boy-shorts. These fantastic bottoms create a magical under-ass area that does wonders for a man’s mood–if you’re depressed, just ask your girl to throw on a pair, you’ll see what I mean. They look good on girls of all shapes and sizes, are nice to touch when we’re fooling around, and are perfect attire for the WiiFit. Ladies, if you only have one type of underwear (which you don’t), make it boy-shorts–we’ll never complain. Read More »

The Chilean police have arrested a woman who tried to perform a “routine” outside the presidential palace.

Though the government strongly opposed her behavior, the media has dubbed Monserrat Morilles La Diosa Metro, or “Metro Goddess.” The attemped performance outside of the palace followed a series of stripteases that Morilles carried out on Santiago subways.

Whereas the U.S. rewards nudity with notoriety (look at NYC’s Naked Cowboy!), Chilean society isn’t quite so liberated. In an attempt to make the introverted Chile a “happier” country, Morilles boarded the metro at one station, and performed a striptease while the train sped to the next station, where the entertainer deboarded the car.

I wonder if American media has influenced the Metro Goddess in any way? Stripping in front of a government office? Maybe VH1 should pick her up and give her her own reality dating show.

It’s time for the news with Kandy Korrespondent!

Well as the national presidential race gets into full swing it seems that the Iraq war will once again take center stage. (suprise suprise right?) Both candidates have been skipping around the issue in recent months– hinting that they would do things differently, would have to respond to the situation, make calculated decisions, etc.

Tuesday was no exception.

Barack Obama told a group at the International Trade Center in Washington, DC that the US government’s preoccupation with Iraq must come to an end.

Obama: “This war diminishes our security, our standing in the world, our military, our economy, and the resources that we need to confront the challenges of the 21st Century.”

This is a great statement. It speaks of the challenges of the 21st century as more important that our petty war. Peace and Prosperity Baby!

But can he really deliver or is this just a sound bite? Read More »

Rather than doing my laundry I often find it fun to buy new things…particularly underwear. I know I’m not the only one, either. Laundry day or Victoria’s Secret? C’mon.

Granted, it would be much cheaper to wash, but I digress.

Just yesterday I hit a low point in my stack of floral, striped, polka dot, lace, days of the week undies, and even every thong…so I headed out in search of spankin new skivvies.

I found myself at Urban Outfitters (it’s always fun running through Urban, checking out the goods but lately I’ve noticed EVERYTHING is a play on Vintage. I work in Vintage clothing sales and it’s hard to buy a “Vintage” looking top when you know five girls on the street will be wearing it too).

I’m getting away from my point — back to the underthing situation. I grabbed a sweet little lace forest green bra (so cute and comfortable) and three pairs of “Smack” underwear in solid shades of yellow, blue, and purple. I was excited, the colors were muted and the cotton felt soft.

Ha! Excited, nothing! I was swindled. Read More »

Until sorta recently, I was never one for matching my bra to my undies, let alone buy super sexy lingerie. I felt like it was all a waste of money; if someone was interested in taking me home and ripping my clothes off, they wouldn’t lose interest just because my bra was nude and my underwear was pink with black polka-dots, right?

After spotting a set of pretty lacy lingerie on sale, I decided to take it for a test run. That is when I realized what I had been missing all along; lingerie made me feel sexier and more confident. It wasn’t about showing it off, but rather about me knowing it was there. Letting someone else enjoy it was just a little bonus.

I started going a little lingerie-crazy. I bought all sorts of sets: lacy, silky, cami’s, bras, thongs, bikinis. I built myself quite a collection. Never mind the fact that I have had no one to share it with lately, I just kept buying. And, truth be told, I have grown a bit bored with all of it. I may have a lot – and it all may be pretty – but there is only so much variety out there right now and it all seems rather cliché, overdone and commercialized.

Not anymore. In an era where you can personalize everything from your latte to your footwear, it was only natural that someone brought that along to our most intimate of apparel. The dream-team over at evloveintimates.com has made your lingerie as personal as the occasion you are wearing it for.

You pick the color, the fabric and the cut (even the piping and a little extra appliqué!). They do all the work, and in three weeks your sexy new under-thingies arrive, just in time for you to work ‘em. Rar. Go get em, Tiger.

Last weekend when I was out enjoying an evening at the bar (read: getting wasted in honor of…well, in honor of being wasted), I spotted a group of girls in short tops and extra low jeans.

Needless to say, they weren’t the classiest ladies in the room. Even more needless to say, I got a nice view of each of the ladies’ underwear choices for the evening: thongs.

The girls didn’t even have to bend over or sit down for the thongs to say hello; they were just out. Silly me, I thought that the thong out of the jeans trend ended back in 2005, but apparently I was wrong.

I was also very, very drunk, so I did what I do best; I talked shit about these girls to my friends. And also may have gone up to the Thong Crew and asked them if they were trying to make a fashion statement or just look really, really slutty before being dragged out of the bar by the people I was with.

If only I had known that night about Shibue Couture; I could have actually offered some advice instead of potentially starting a bar brawl.

Read More »