I used to joke that I could measure the amount of fun I had at a party by how many bruises I woke up with the next day. I’m not trying to sound sadistic, but I bruise easily and am incredibly clumsy; I party hard, and I fall even harder. I haven’t even been too out of control in the past few weeks, yet my legs are still littered with black and blue marks that seem to have appeared out of nowhere.

I’ve seen a lot of drunken injuries in my day. Some are funny; some not so much. You really shouldn’t need to wear hard hats or protective armor to a party, so here’s a brief list of some potentially painful injuries, and how to avoid them.

Injury: Cigarette burns.
Avoid them by: Not drunkenly smoking your cigs all the way through the band; not giving someone with a lit cigarette your hand; not putting the wrong side of your lit cigarette into your mouth.

Injury: First, second, or third degree burns.
Avoid them by: Being conscious of where the bonfire pit is at a keg party on a cool autumn night; not attempting to walk through said pit in an effort to reunite with your friends after peeing in the woods.

Injury: Stitches on your scalp.
Avoid them by: Not jumping up and down on your lofted bed and cracking your head open on the ceiling; not falling out of a lofted bed after sloppy, drunken, sex, and cracking your head open on your f*ck buddy’s desk.

Injury: A shiner the color of an eggplant.
Avoid it by: Not chugging straight Bacardi and proceeding to faceplant your nightstand. These actions may or may not also have a negative effect on the nightstand, which may or may not break apart from the impact of your face. Read More »

Remember when the end of the summer meant a shopping trip with your mom and a first-day-of-school photo shoot to chronicle the beginning of first/second/third/fourth grade?

Then high school hit, and you took your own initiative to blow your money on the perfect ensemble to make a statement on day one. Freshman year meant something eye-catching enough to grab the attention of a studly senior, whereas by senior year, your wardrobe had to scream, “I’m a senior. I own this school. And I’m f***ing graduating, bitch!”

Now that college is just around the corner, is it time to retire the tradition of back-to-school clothes, or do you simply need to step it up a notch?

On the first day of college, the campus will be filled with tens of thousands of students, frantically trying to change their schedules, pay their financial aid, and find the right classroom in the right building. It was easy to get noticed in high school, when you were one fashionista among only a few hundred, but in college, the people you meet on the first day are most likely to be a nameless, faceless blur who were kind enough to give you irections to the registrar’s office.

If you are thinking about going all out for a first day of school ensemble, ask yourself what your motivation is. Do you want to look professional to impress the teacher? Give yourself a little extra self-confidence to make it through the day? Find a nice college boy to walk you from one class to another? The following are some broad categories of BTS-wear that I have encountered year after year. You might fall into one of these groups, or you may notice a few hundred students who do on the first day of college. Read More »

Our economy is crumbling, and things just got worse for Bachelors degree-hopefuls, especially those in Massachusetts. Last year, the Massachusetts Educational Financing Authority secured over $500 million in educational loans. This year, they’ve announced that they will not be offering loans for the upcoming academic year.

None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. They didn’t cut their $500 million budget to, say, $250 million. They exed the loans altogether.

MEFA secures loans for 40,000 students who live in Massachusetts, or who attend school there. Unfortunately, this year, the financing authority could not secure the money. Executive director Tom Graff blames “disruptions in capital markets.” So, just like that, 40,000 students are sh*t out of luck.

MEFA is the first to make headlines, but any financing authority could also be treading on thin ice. Which means that students across the country could be forced to drop out of college, or sell their souls to finance a degree that can cost upwards of FORTY GRAND per year at top-notch schools like Carnegie Mellon, Tufts, NYU, and Notre Dame.

When I was in college, I played my cards right, and managed to get through my degree with almost no debt, and decided to pursue a Master’s, rather than join the work force right away. With our declining economy, I am currently paying dearly for that decision. Read More »

By my senior year of college, I could fly through my assignments and earn A’s on half-assed work. I could effectively balance bar-hopping and writing essays, and working part-time jobs and cramming for midterms. I knew that grad school would kick it up a notch, and I was ready for the challenge. However, I had forgotten what it felt like to try and not succeed, and I wasn’t quite as prepared for my self-esteem to take a beating.

I admit to not putting 100% into my academic efforts in college, but that was because I didn’t need to. I was writing papers with a buzz on and taking finals hungover, and still made Dean’s List. I knew that grad school would be different though, and I fully intended on being a legitimate scholar.

If you are considering grad school, you are probably doing very well in school. By senior year, you’re probably breaking the curves and tutoring your friends. You probably stand out in class for having thoughtful ideas and a firm grasp of the subject matter. Newsflash: Everyone in Grad School has gotten used to being a star scholar.

Often, PhD students and MA students will be mixed into classes together. I went from taking Shakespeare classes with business majors who didn’t know the definition of “iambic pentameter” to listening to a PhD debate over which folio edition was most likely the Bard’s original manuscript. WTF? My thoughts exactly. Read More »

The University Experience sure has changed. It’s now normal to take longer than four years to complete your degree; students are known to switch majors repeatedly (and often at the last minute); and transfer admissions offices are swamped with applicants who realize that the college they chose senior year of high school just isn’t making the grade.

I know all about the stress of transferring and adjusting to a new school. When I began my undergraduate career, I wasn’t content with attending the state university that 83% of my classmates were enrolling in. Oh, no - I had to get away. So I enrolled in a small private school in London, England.

My freshman year was a blast– I was in a major city, surrounded by hot men with hotter accents, and I didn’t even need a fake ID. But eventually, reality sank in, and I opted to transfer back to the same state school that I’d once adamantly rejected in order to prevent graduating with student loans up the wazoo.

My first semester at the state university was miserable. I’d missed out on all of the freshman year bonding, got stuck with a lame random roommate, and when I did go out, it was because one of my high school friends was kind enough to let me tag along with her group. It was so bad that I took a semester off to figure out if I wanted to go through the transfer process again. I ended up going back to the state school, and - thankfully - things got better. In fact, college kicked some major ass.

So, having been on the Maybe-I-Should-Transfer fence and a member of the Transfer Students Association, I thought I’d share some pro’s and cons with anyone who isn’t quite sure that they are attending the right school. Read More »

Life after college…it can be hard to fathom actually getting to the diploma, no matter how many years you’ve been in school. But what happens after graduation? Most of your peers will be joining the work force, but a decent percentage will move on to even higher education and pursue master’s degrees, PhDs, or professional certifications. While the job application process is hard, getting into and completing a post-graduate degree is even harder. Having experienced the trials and tribulations firsthand, I’m here to share some tips so you can decide whether moving on to even MORE school is the right choice for you.

Towards the end of my junior year of undergrad, I realized that I had to start thinking of a post-college plan. I was finishing a Bachelor’s in English, had no clue what career path I wanted to pursue, and was having way too much fun on Thirsty Thursdays to want to give up my laid-back student lifestyle. So, I decided to elongate my college experience by going to grad school. Boy, did I get a rude awakening.

Once you’ve finished your Bachelor’s degree, choosing a path for the future should be taken very seriously. If you are considering moving on to graduate or doctorate work, don’t make the same mistakes I made.

The first thing you need before you begin applying to graduate schools is TIME. I decided to get a masters on a whim a few weeks into the fall semester of my senior year. I found myself trying to balance fifteen credit hours, two part-time jobs, and an active social life with preparing for the application process. I didn’t anticipate simply applying to schools to be so much work, so in my mind, I had plenty of time to apply to and choose a school, while fighting a major case of senioritis (in the form of an unyielding craving for margaritas).

Before you even decide to start looking at schools, you need to ask yourself: Am I willing to set aside the time? Read More »

Weed has a really schizophrenic status in American culture. Pretty much everyone’s tried it, but getting busted with even a small amount of it can land you some serious jail time.

Meanwhile, magazines like High Times boast super-ridiculous, high-definition marijuana centerfolds and smoking tips, and you can buy amazingly ornate smoking paraphernalia, like, at the local mall.

Although smoking pot is normalized, if not practically mainstream (we’re long past the “Reefer Madness” era, after all), there have been over eight million cannabis arrests in the United States since 1993 — at a rate of 1 cannabis users arrested every 40 seconds. And this is in a country where growing and selling pot, at least for medicinal purposes, is totally legal in many states. Could it get more convoluted?

In hopes of alleviating the confusing f*ck-all of cannabis culture in the United States, a new higher institution (pun intended) in the Bay Area has opened its doors to curious stoners, enterprising hydroponic botanists, and legalization activists. Half-jokingly dubbed “Oaksterdam University,” this Oakland trade school is a full-fledged university of weed. Read More »

Your dream has finally come true. You’ve made it into a private college, you’re paying upwards of $50,000 per year for your education, and you’ve just met the man of your dreams- a wealthy and intelligent man, who you plan to marry upon graduation. Congratulations, you have just been awarded your very own ‘MRS‘ degree… and will never have to work again!

Possible holders of an MRS degree (pronounced EM-AR-ES) are women who attend college just to meet potential husbands with high social standing and future earning potential.

This phenomenon, which occurs predominantly at private Christian institutions, has turned America’s ‘Bible colleges’ into ‘bridal colleges’. On these campuses, engagement is not only an eagerly awaited (and accepted) part of a relationship, but marriage is often promoted and planned around graduation.

“I don’t care how young I am. I love my boyfriend and I know we will get married and start a family when I graduate,” says one eager Baylor University female. “Never having to work - that’s just fine with me.” Read More »