We’ve all heard of the crazy lengths that people go to for weight loss: diet sunglasses that tint everything blue and supposedly make food less appealing, torturous diets that consist of only cabbage soup, and my personal favorite: slimming soap. Because washing away your fat is just so much easier than just eating healthy and exercising.

Well, now researchers at UC San Diego have performed the first U.S. gastrectomy, a procedure where 80 percent of the stomach is removed, through an area that should never have anything other than a baby coming out of it.

Yup, that’s right, they removed a chunk of stomach through a woman’s vagina.

All in the name of weight loss.

I was baffled after reading this and had to find out details… Apparently, the procedure is very promising for the future of obesity surgery. According to the article, “This new ‘natural orifice’ technique may be an attractive alternative for the 200,000 U.S. patients who undergo surgery for the treatment of obesity each year.”

I’m sorry, but I think I’ll keep my ‘natural orifice’ off limits as an exit route for parts of my insides. Read More »

I know full-well what makes a man not-so-good in bed. I know it when I can’t sit comfortably the next day, or when I want to fall asleep during the most boring sex of all time. And I definitely knew it that time the dude licked me from my mouth to my ear..and left a nice puddle of saliva in my hair.

But I have no idea what makes a woman bad in bed. Can a woman be bad in bed? Could I be bad in bed? I started to develop a complex after a male friend of mine told me he had faked orgasms…on multiple occassions! Guys fake orgasms? Could a guy have been faking with me?

OMG! WHAT IF I AM BAD?!

I turned to my male advisor for the answers. (Note: I did try and convince him that it was “my friend” who was worried, but we all know it was neurotic, self-conscious me.) Read More »

When I saw this my only thoughts were What. The. F**k?! Why, why was this permitted to be patented?

For those unfamiliar with the Rapex, it is an “anti-rape condom”. Basically, it’s a condom worn inside of you with barbs that, should any man put his hoo ha where it is not welcome, it will be stuck with barbs removable only by a doctor.

Naturally, this raises a few questions, many of which can be answered by the website’s extremely helpful FAQ section.

The first question, of course: “When should I wear the Rapex?”
According to the website I should wear it when I: “travel long distances alone, on a train, working late, going out on a date with someone you don’t know too well, going to clubs, or in any situation that you might not feel comfortable or even just not sure.” So I guess I should just be practicing constant vigilance? At no point in my day should I forget that I– as the owner of a vagina–am always susceptible to rape, and this device will always allow me to have it in the back of my mind!

Secondly, how does this change my relationship with, ya know, the other half of the human race? Well, I know I don’t have to worry about my boyfriend being hooked, “unless you are in a violent relationship and you do get raped by your husband or partner. The choice is then yours whether to wear it or not. ” Whew! Thank you Rapex, for giving me that option! Read More »

Did you hear? Designer Vaginas were blacklisted in Australia!?

Yeah, I can’t believe it either! I mean, I am all about designer everything – bags, clothes, shoes, etc. – but I didn’t know a designer va-jay was an option! (Note: I just did some investigating and found out that this does not refer to some sort of
Louis Vuitton hoo-hah, but rather surgery to make it look prettier. Damn.)

Yeah, so basically women have been seeking out uber expensive surgery ($10,000!) to make their vaginas look more appealing. Surprisingly (pause, NOT!), some doctors are getting a little worried about this. Not only is it ridiculous to want a better lookin’ vag (let’s be honest…they aren’t the prettiest things), but the surgery is not safe and can cause long term sensitivity issues.

Um, ladies, why you so crazy? What is the point of a pretty (and overpriced) vag if you can’t enjoy it?

I’m just sayin’…

I work out 5 days a week. I do the elliptical, I Spin, I take random classes and I even lift weights. It is important for me to stay healthy and fit. Of course, there are the shallow reasons, as well. I really love my black skinny pants. And I want to be at my sexiest when I hit the town in search of a man.

I have learned the importance of varying my workouts – it truly is the best way to hit all muscle groups and get a total body workout. And I thought I was getting every last muscle (at least that’s how it feels the day after a grueling Pilates class when I can barely laugh, let alone move), but according to Dr. Lauri Romanzi, a gynecologist in NYC, I am missing one very important muscle.

In my vagina? Read More »

Oh how I love the summer. Between walks outside, iced coffee and sundresses, there really isn’t a more perfect time of year. But alas, every summer I am faced with the same debacle: bathing suit = dealing with the ‘ol bikini line.

We all know we don’t want hair down there, but red bumps; not really the look I am going for. Not to mention the in-grown hairs, the itchiness, or all the other problems that come with taking care of the situation. As if getting our bodies bikini-ready wasn’t challenging enough - now we are stuck with what is often times a force to be reckoned with: Bikini Hair Removal.

So in efforts to prepare you to grin and bare it this summer (hey, you didn’t spend all that time doing extra crunches for nothing, lady!) here are some pro/cons on the latest - as well as the tried and true - hair removal tips for your bikini line. Read More »

It’s weird, but I’ve always liked Hugh Hefner.

He’s kind of like this quiet, unassuming, kinky playboy who probably laughs as much as he screws. I respect that. He’s made a career out of vaginas and boobs, but he doesn’t really seem skeevy — at least at 80-Something. He seems cool. And really relaxed. Probably from all that screwing.

And while I can’t understand how he can tolerate those three chicks who follow him around everywhere, I do often wonder what life as Hugh Hefner is like.

Apparently, life as Hugh Hefner includes a foursome and a one-time tryst with a man.

Steven Watts, author of the new biography, “Mr. Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream”, reports that very early on in his kinky career (1949, to be exact), Hugh spent one night sexing his wife up next to his friend and his friend’s wife – who were sexing each other up on the same bed. Hugh wanted to switch partners that night, but no one was biting (metaphorically, of course). Later, Hef was finally able to attain foursome enlightenment – with his brother and sister-in-law (notice the italics. The italics symbolize my amazement that anyone could stand, let alone want, to have sex within inches of their sibling). Read More »

She wasn’t a doctor — not really. She was “just” a physician’s assistant. But my doctor had left — again. I think I’ve gone through about four at this office already, a different one almost every year.

This one was young and pretty. That surprised me. I don’t know, maybe I never considered that young women my age would want to examine other young women’s cervixes? I felt like I should have been chatting with her over coffee about our latest loves, not sitting in a cold examination room, draped in a thin cotton sheet and discussing my vagina’s history in exacting detail.

“I’ll have you lie back now,” she said when we had finished talking.

She came around the table and unsnapped the sheet. “My hands are cold,” she warned.

Oy. She wasn’t kidding. Cold fingers don’t feel any better on your breasts than they do inside your vagina.

While she performed the breast exam, I noticed she carefully avoided my eyes. Maybe she found the age thing as uncomfortable as I did. So I did the only thing I could think of: I struck up a conversation.

Trying to sustain small talk with a young, pretty doctor who has her cold hands on your boobs is not as easy as it might seem. I have no clue now what we talked about, in fact. I’m not sure I would want to know. Read More »