Woah. Woah. Woah. What did everyone think of Little J’s new look tonight? It’s sexy. It’s rocker-chic. It’s a cross between Ashlee Simpson and Hannah Montana. But way cooler.

Early in the episode, Blair commented to Dan, “Look who finally got a little interesting.” Meh. Dan’s still boring old foot-in-his mouth Lonely Boy to me, but Jenny! Jenny is the Humphrey who finally kicked it up a notch tonight.

Tonight was one of those nights where I screamed at my TV like a maniac. We got new characters, tons of partial nudity, and two fabulous lust stories unfolding, all in approximately 42 minutes of screen time. Chuck and Blair are still playing games, and daring each other to say the infamous “Three Words.” And you know what? I want them to freaking say it already!

Blair is so desperate, she’s taken to Lonely Boy for advice. And he delivers: “Keep your pride and get nothing, or take a risk, and maybe…maybe have everything.” Of course, Dan can’t walk away when he’s on top, so he sabotages Blair after Debbie-Downer Vanessa tattles on Blair and Chuck’s love games that she got served last week. Dammit, Dan!

Meanwhile, Jenny’s been hanging out with one of Eleanor’s models, Agnes, who keeps pointing out that Eleanor is just using Jenny. Agnes has the perfect solution: let a 15-year-old high school dropout start her own fashion line! Not that that would be the most ridiculous storyline that GG has offered us. So Jenny decides to go Brooke-Davis, swipes her designs from Eleanor, and jets off to take her top off with Agnes and her sexy photog friend. Because what would GG be without some gratuitous baring of flesh? Read More »

Everyone was playing games in last night’s Gossip Girl episode, and the ending was juicier than a game-winning three-point shot at the buzzer of the NCAA tournament. I was jumping out of my seat!

Bart and Lily decide to play a little role-playing game and make the Bass-Van der Woodsen clan more akin to the Brady Bunch than the Kardashians. Curfews? Family dinners? You know that’s not going to last long.

Vanessa’s trying to raise some money to save a bar from being demolished, and decides to play the Game of Blair. That is, she threatens to blackmail B with a saucy photo of Duke Marcus and his skanky stepmom (remember them? Has it been so long since they fled already?), which brings me to the first red-hot GG quote of the night:

Blackmailing seems to work for you, so I thought I’d give it a try. Now that we’ve established that I own you, you have 6 hours to get 1,000 signatures.

Oh, Vanessa; you can pass “GO” and collect two million dollars for that move.

In Humphrey news, Dan literally starts playing a new game: soccer. If you missed last night’s episode, you missed Lonely Boy begin his transformation into Jock Boy, the ever-faithful sidekick of sexy Nate Archibald. But yes, Dan made the soccer team, and yes, it gives him more excuses to play with his new mancrush, Nate.

Of course, the best game of the night is Blair’s Cruel Intentions-style bet with Chuck that he can’t seduce Vanessa…and then leave her behind, humiliated, of course. But, of course, if you’ve seen any teen movie involving bets, wagers, and the “cool” guy hanging out with the “loser” girl, you know the outcome. Although, these movies usually involved Freddie Prinze, Jr. and NOT Chuck Bass. Read More »

The theme of last night’s Gossip Girl episode was post-dating awkwardness, as displayed by Serena and Dan, Lily and Rufus, and Vanessa and Nate. The ep also had at least two major shockers, some really random limited-time alliances (Chuck giving Dan a guy-code peptalk, what?), and Ed Westwick in a purple suit that looked like it was left over from Pee Wee Herman on Ice. I guess GG’s wardrobe department can’t win them all.

Three episodes into the season, and we’re just now getting into Back-to-School season. Hence, the lavish drama-inducing party is replaced by upscale bars that serve teenagers, and the Colorful-Martini-on-White-Dress shtick from the Vitamin Water party is replaced by some sort of acid formula that burns the victims’ hair right off her scalp. Ouch.

Am I getting ahead of myself? Here’s what you need to know: Serena and Dan are each having qualms about seeing each other back at school, while Blair and her drones are preparing for their yearly initiation of potential newbies (which Jenny failed at last year). This creates the perfect set-up for new character Amanda’s entrance. Just as Blair explains to Serena that whomever dates first wins, bam! Dan bumps into Amanda, which can only have a tragic outcome. Read More »

This weekend is the only thing that stands between me and Chace Crawford.

Of course, I’m talking about the season premiere of Gossip Girl, which airs Monday, September 1 at 8:00 on the CW Network.

Since my life pretty much sucks– I’m not currently sleeping with anyone, I’m spending my “new clothes” money on speeding tickets, and I can barely afford my daily latte, let alone an extra-dry martini or a burlesque business venture–I’m looking forward on living vicariously through Dan, Jenny, Serena, Blair, Chuck, and, oh yes- Nate.

When GG left us at the beginning of the summer (which feels like eons ago), Serena’s brother, Eric, had just come out of the closet; Georgina had stopped into town just long enough to break up Serena and Dan; Chuck briefly scraped together an ounce of morale, only to eye-f*ck Amelia, Lily’s new interior designer; Blair hopped a plane with some random dude; and it seems that Serena and Nate and Dan and Vanessa were left to hang out for the summer. Read More »

Last night’s episode of my favorite guilty pleasure, Gossip Girl, got me thinking…Maybe our lives are not so different than the wealthy-born Upper East Siders.

I could relate my humble Midwestern high school drama to a number of situations that took place in the glamorous locale. Manhattan’s Upper East Side or the cornfields of Illinois? Does it really make a difference?

I think not.

A few examples to prove my point:

Hooking up with the ex’s best friend to make him jealous. Although Nate doesn’t know yet about Blair and Chuck’s rendezvous, the intentions of B were clear. If Nate doesn’t want her, she’ll have the second best thing: his best friend. How’s that for a slap in the face, Nate? The sad thing is that I actually don’t think he would care at all…Funny how that works out.

“Platonic” boy-girl friendships that never are just that. In my opinion, Serena is being very understanding towards Dan and Vanessa’s “friendship.” It’s obvious that Vanessa still wants him, and in my experience, those kinds of friendships can only go on so long before the girlfriend gives an ultimatum.

Parents acting like children and embarrassing their own kids. Whether it’s Nate’s situation with his father and family, or the Humphrey’s mama drama, sometimes parents are just as immature, if not more, than their own children. Read More »