Women are making strides, actually not strides, leaps and bounds. It would seem that since women won the right to vote in 1920 there wouldn’t be anything left for us to conquer. I mean, that was almost 90 years ago. By now, women should have done everything and have a presence everywhere.

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Halloween used to be a holiday where people dressed up to spook others. Then it turned into a holiday where people dress up to f**k others.  And sometimes it’s a holiday where people dress up to honor others.
This year, why not do all three? Dress up as Sarah Palin!

She scares the crap out of me, my guy friends wanna f**k her, and, somehow, it’s an honor to dress up as this gun toting, beehive wearing, American Vice Presidential hopeful.

[Photo courtesy of Gawker.com]

I am so. hungover. That debate drinking game totally killed me. I woke up this morning hugging a a 40 of PBR with red lipstick smeared all over my cheek…

And I have no idea who won that freaking thing.

Not, I’d like to add, because I was too drunk to see the end of the debate. No, no, no; I watched every last minute. I have no idea who won because neither candidate really threw any major punches.

Biden, presumably afraid to look like a villain, spoke only to the camera the whole time. And Palin just kept saying the same words and doing the same things over and over again: nucULAR, maverick, winking?!

So, I need to know what you think: who won last night’s VP debate?!

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Sarah Palin had her first interview since joining the McCain campaign last night, and McCain himself - along with Obama - spoke in a televised “kind of” debate at almost the same time. Along with their wordy and vague answers to hard-hitting questions, the Repubs and Dems have been insisting since forever that they’re “one of” us.

A few weeks ago, the Conventions were full of politician life stories; I was once poor, I’ve had some hard times in my life, I come from a small town, I’m just a hockey mom…blah blah blah blah blaaahhh. These would-be presidents and VP’s spend hours convincing us that they understand what it’s like to have bills, to choose between a full tank of gas and certain grocery items, and to raise a family in today’s trying times.

But here’s my question: once you’ve ascended Politician status, are you still really “one of us”? Read More »

Another week has come and gone. And so has the summer. Tear.

This week we put our white pants back in the closet, returned to the lecture hall and answered the questions on everyone’s minds:

Who would be better candidates for VP?
Who would we never wanna see in a sex tape?
Should we fart in front of our bf?
Which fall shows should we be excited for?
Should we ever consider sex without a condom?
Is hooking up with the hottie prof worth it?
Can the new 90210 really match up to the old one? (Not even close.)
What kind of germs did that dude leave in our sheets?
What do we need to have when we hit the party scene?
Why do we insist that we can still drink like we are in college?
Do guys really care about our sexual history?
Is there an alternative to yucky beer?

And, the most important question of all:
Who’s hotter?

I’m smart, and I know about politics. I know who Barack Obama and John McCain should have picked for their vice presidential candidates. I know this because I’m a genius.

Who Obama Should Have Picked

Flavor Flav
Obama’s shown that he has the quick charisma, intelligent flow and moves to be head MC of famed “conscious” rap crew Wyyte-Houzz and M-RIKA, but even the greatest mic rocker can only work the crowd so much. What Obama needs is a dedicated hype man, a man who can properly rep his skills without grabbing too much of the limelight - a man like former Public Enemy member and all-around gentleman Flavor Flav. Sure, it’s a heavy weight to carry around one’s neck, but Flav is used to it.

Paris Hilton
John McCain gets panned for being “too establishment”, “too Bushie”, and too conservative in general. But McCain was quite the Nostradamus, I think, when he highlighted Paris Hilton as an upcoming power player in the field of American politics. What makes her such a compelling choice? She has absolutely no platform. She’s completely Teflon. What are you going to disagree with? Taking McCain’s lead, I predict a future where President Obama will not only give Hilton the vice presidency but will make the Secretary of Defense a ham sandwich. Have you ever won an argument about nuclear policy with a ham sandwich? Neither have I.

A full-length mirror
Really, would anyone else do a better job? Obama may have to bulk up a bit for his reflective debut, since seeing his skinny butt all the time might give him body image issues, but otherwise a mirror image of Obama would be the perfect veep. He’d be harder to assassinate. He could double-team enemy politicians on the basketball court. He’d even pin down that right-handed constituency that’s been eluding him this whole time. Better yet, American citizens would no longer have to worry that the leader of the free world is a vampire. Unless he is. But better to find out now, instead of over Mr. Putin’s pale, bloodless corpse. Read More »

As I continue to try and wrap my head around Sarah Palin, the GOP’s newest Vice Presidential pick (”a woman making strides toward the white house, good!”, “a woman who thinks the government has the right to tell her what her reproductive rights are, bad!”), a few wayward comments flying around the internet and media have gotten me really confused.  According to sources, Palin is on record stating that global warming is not man made, and that polar bears aren’t endangered

…What?

“A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location.” Palin stated as early as a few weeks ago to a conservative magazine for it’s September issue. “I’m not one though who would attribute it to being man-made.”

As a moderate liberal, I can often support Republicans and Independents, as long as I believe their brain is in the right place. The thing is…denying humans have anything to do with global warming, and working to keep polar bears off the endangered list goes beyond politics and veers into …well…complete and utter wrongness. Read More »

Heidism #1: She’s killing NYC one bar at a time

Phelps has an Entourage

Meet the cast of the new 90210 (none of which are nearly as hot as Luke “steal my heart” Perry)

Asking her out via Facebook status

Heidism #2: Joel McHale continues to be my comedy lover

Can your dude take the tampon challenge?

Reasons not to have sex

Miss Obama’s speech last night?  Read it here

Heidism #3: The only McCain VP choice that would have gotten MORE press than Palin

OMG I just watched a Panda GIVE BIRTH

These guys are NOT WELCOME in my bed

Celebs at the DNC