So who gave Russia permission to be the biggest buzzkill ever?

If you haven’t heard, Russia decided to go wave their giant international schlong around in the Georgian region of South Ossetia last week. And then, since Georgia’s military consists of two tanks and a three-legged dog, they decided to just run all over the damn place - go for the gold, perhaps. Oh, hey, how topical.

Russia, what gives? Were you thinking that everyone was too enthralled with the Olympics to notice? We’re not blind, Russia. We see you over there. Mr. “I’m only the Prime Minister” Putin, wipe that snide smile off your face, you’re not fooling anyone. We are ready for swift, decisive action. It’s not like we’re too busy chumming it up with the women’s volleyball team or anything.

Russia, really, we’re sorry you haven’t had a bona fide invasion in sixty-odd years. We know your country is huge and hard to invade. We know you just want to sit in your snow palaces and chortle heartily as the fascist armies starve to death on the tundra. But could you at least have waited until the world-wide quadrennial moment of community was over? Man, we really had some spirit going on.

Couldn’t the one-sided massacre of civillians in a thinly veiled land grab along with grotesque human rights violations have waited at least until after the BMX competition? Maybe?

Not like anyone’s surprised, of course. Government people have a pretty terrible record of ruining the fun of decent, normal human beings. Let’s have a look back at some of their more belligerent moments: Read More »

It’s time for your daily dose of news with Kandy Korrespondent!

The Myanmar death toll from Saturday’s Cyclone Nargis is now estimated at 22,500 with 41,000 still missing. Despite such a large body count, Myanmar’s government has thus far only given a few aid organizations access. According to the New York Times, UN disaster assessment officials were still waiting for visas as of Tuesday night.

You can help! The following aid organizations are working to send aid to Myanmar, World Vision, Save the Children, Foundation Burma, and Direct Relief International.

In yesterday’s presidential primary, Obama secured North Carolina with a 14% margin, and Clinton barely squeaked by with a 2% margin. Indiana proved to be a tougher battle ground than most expected. It was after 1am before CNN and other TV networks called the state decisively for Senator Clinton.

Check out my real time continuing coverage from last night to find out more.

Dmitry Medvedev takes office today as Russian President with ex-president Vladimir Putin as his Prime Minister. Many believe that Medvedev will simply be a puppet of the Prime Minister, thereby allowing Putin to retain the outward appearance of constitutionality even as he continues to control Russia. Read More »

Due to the fact that I was surrounded by the most politically minded people in school – who now, mind you, live and breathe Washington D.C. politics every day – I have grown up to be quite a political person myself. Yet even I only caught glimpses of last night’s State of the Union Address; mostly because of the writer’s strike and the fact that there was absolutely nothing else worth watching on TV.

Trust me; I tried.

It’s not like I wasn’t interested in what GW had to say; it is just hard to watch George Bush give a speech with bright eyes and (false) positivism when the country has been reduced to shit all around him. We have serious economic issues, war issues, health care issues, not to mention the thousands of people still displaced by Katrina. I don’t really want to spend the little free time I have watching W. sugarcoat those not-so-pleasant truths for an hour. Read More »

• What are the top 10 foods to top with bacon when bacon goes with everything?

• Looking to waste time on the internet? Is that question as stupid as the bacon one? Eh, just waste your time here!

• Coca Cola is evil. But only in Russia.

• The eternal war wages on! Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

• This guy’s even better than the real Santa.

• So now when your little brother won’t stop making you play Rock, Paper, Scissors you’ll know how to shut him up.

Days as a Freshman: 90
Mood: Guilty

“Do you have any gum?”

Stacey shifted in the brown leather chair, straightening her blazer. She had dressed for the occasion, opting to go for “mature and classical” instead of her usual “fake and preppy”.

I was sporting my standard jeans and long sleeved shirt look, being under the impression that the Dean of Student Life didn’t really care about our clothes.

“Here.” I reached into my giant purse and pulled out a half-crushed packet of gum. “You sure you want to be talking to Dean Carlon with stuff in your mouth, though?”

“Do you have any gum that hasn’t been through the washing machine?” Crinkling her noise, Stacey stared at my hand like I was passing her a dead rat. “And I was gonna spit it out before going in there anyway. I just have this horrible taste in the back of my throat.” Begrudgingly taking a piece of gum from the pack, Stacey slipped it behind her shiny pink lips and bleached white teeth. “I always get a gross taste in my throat when I’m nervous.”

“Should we be nervous?” I took a piece of gum myself and started to chew quickly, realizing that my jaw had answered my question for me; we should be very nervous. Read More »

I’ll be the first to admit that I did some messed up shit to my frenemies during my younger years. One time in middle school, my friends and I poured Snapple and mashed strawberries in a girl’s backpack because we were fighting for absolutely no reason.

Seeing as our military isn’t in middle school (though they are in a similar predicament: fighting for absolutely no reason), I’d expect a little more tact from them. But apparently the U.S. military has come down with the mean girls-syndrome that I suffered circa the strawberry incident.

No, they didn’t mash strawberries in the backpacks of Iraqi extremists. But they did do some very Regina George-esque plotting to create a gay bomb to use against enemy soldiers. A gay bomb. Seriously.

A watchdog organization that tracks military spending exposed the U.S. military’s plan to build a bomb that could turn opposing soldiers gay—consequently shifting their focus from fighting to sex, CBS reported.

The watchdog group found that “the Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another.” Read More »

Yahoo! News reports that Alec Baldwin is going to pay for 18-year-old Private Resha Kane’s entire college tuition after completing her military duty in Iraq. He was so moved by a news story he read about her last day in the states with family and friends, that he tracked Kane’s mother down in the discount store where she worked.

Baldwin has been very vocal about his opposition to the war, but still supports the troops. He is set to meet with the Kane family in Mohave Valley next week to present the check in person.

I love Alec Baldwin. I had the chance to meet him a few months ago in the office where I worked, and he was very nice and handsome and quirky. And now, I love him even more! It’s great to see people with gobs of money get personal and give back every now and then.

If you want to help out the troops, Soldiers’ Angels is a great place to donate money, letters and simple care packages.

If you want to check out Alec at his best, watch this classic clip from SNL. It’s Schweddy-licious!