Eating whilst drunk is, in general, about as smart as sexing up strangers whilst drunk or calling ex-boyfriends whilst drunk, which is to say not very smart at all.

All the same, when I’ve consumed large amounts of alcohol, I’m going to go across the street and get chicken tenders from Whataburger. It’s just something that is inevitably going to happen, like Christmas every year, like my period every month (knock on wood), like my g*ddamn alarm clock going off every morning.

Because there is no single more satisfying aspect of the drinking experience than eating a lukewarm chicken tender at 2:30 in the morning. The nuanced interplay between the textures of chicken and breading somehow melds perfectly with the taste of Guinness that still lingers in my mouth.

That isn’t to say, of course, that other cravings don’t arise in my drunken state. Here are some other drunk food favs:

Potato Chips - Usually Sour Cream and Onion, which causes a serious breath issue in the morning (Onion + Alcohol=another reason to vomit). At the time, though, (like so many other things) it really seems like a great idea. Potato chips are usually pretty filling, you usually already have some at your house so you don’t have to drive around to find an open store to buy them (unless you live in a legitimate city and can simply walk outside for food) and they are fairly portable. By this I mean, you can’t very well bring your Chalupa into bed with you as you pass out. Or at least you really shouldn’t. I’ve passed out with my hand in a bag of chips before. Some would call that a cry for help, I would have called it being prepared. Read More »

Welcome to college, freshmen!

You may have made it through Welcome Week without any run-ins with the campus police (congrats!), but you still have plenty of opportunities to meet them up close and personal.

There are going to be many times this year and well into your college career that you will find yourself surrounded by alcohol. And, naturally, you are going to want to partake. Just beware–while you are navigating the university party scene, your RA’s, Campus Police, and Public Safety units are gearing up to bust underage revelers.

Here are some tips on how you can avoid getting written up before your first semester is over.

1. Don’t act like ‘The Freshman.’

Just because you suddenly have access to alcohol, it doesn’t mean you need to consume ALL of the alcohol at once. Even if the cops are out and about, they don’t have the manpower to hunt down every single underage boozer. So, they’ll zero in on the kid stumbling around with a trash can on his head before thinking twice about the passive mingler. The same goes with your RA, who really doesn’t want to walk in on you peeing in the corner of elevator. Read More »

If a recent poll on this site is indicative of college-aged women across the US (and I would suggest, modestly, that the women who visit CollegeCandy are above average intelligence) then most of us drink at parties to get drunk, to get wasted.

I understand that it’s become a college rite-of-passage to go to parties and drink too much. Repeatedly. For years. Hell, I have a year of my life that I barely remember and what I do remember, I wish I didn’t.

And doesn’t that just say it all? I know that I had a great time that year and met some great people, but I did a lot of stuff I wish I hadn’t. And I met a lot of awful people. And I had a lot of rough mornings.

But there is no use in trying to tell a college student not to drink, that in the long run, you’ll probably feel more embarrassed than nostalgic about those months or years spent in a haze. And I don’t necessarily think that people shouldn’t drink (I love beer), I just wonder about the mentality that seems to have permeated our society that in order to truly have the optimal amount of fun that one has to be completely wasted.

Especially because the opposite is true; I’ve found that the more wasted one becomes, the more obnoxious, the more forgetful, and the less cautious. Read More »

If you’re like most young adults, drinking is a definite element involved in your social life. And while there are a lot of fun aspects to drinking, there are a lot of bad things that come with it as well. You know: hangovers, mistakes, liver damage, and…(drum roll)…munchies from HELL.

For some reason, no matter how healthy I eat through out the day, everything is out the window once I’m drunk. I congratulate myself for being soooo healthy most of the time and yet I tell myself (and my friends with me) this whenever I’m wasted:

“I’m HUNGRY! I want PIZZA! Or…wings! Oh wait…a BACON CHEESEBURGER!”

This is certainly an innocent enough habit to pick up if you don’t drink regularly. However, as my college years went on, my nights of partying have become more frequent. And while I haven’t gained any weight, I’m lucky I didn’t!

Battling the urge to binge while drunk takes more self discipline than you likely can tap into while under the influence. BUT, it can be done.

Here’s how: Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 148
Mood: Unsteady

“I can’t believe I actually came with you!”

Rebecca slammed the front door behind us and yelled, doing her best to be heard over the loud, pumping music coming from the living room.

“I’m glad you did!” I screamed, “I would never have come by myself!”

The soccer house was already crammed full of people, everyone who was on campus during January break, it seemed, so it took us a few minutes to maneuver ourselves towards the epicenter of the party. I did my best to lead the way, grasping Rebecca’s hand tightly and pushing through people as inconspicuously as possible. It was past ten thirty, so most of the partygoers were too drunk to even notice Rebecca and I squeezing by them. Politeness is always wasted on the wasted.

As we pushed our way into the living room, I scanned the place for Sasha or Justin.

Do you see them?” Rebecca yelled into my ear and pulled her t-shirt down uncomfortably. Parties weren’t her thing, especially parties like this one. I made a mental note to buy her cupcakes someday soon. She deserved cupcakes. Read More »

By now, we’re all heard about that Facebook group “30 Reasons Girls Should Call It A Night”.

Officially started by two women, “30 Reasons” is all about showcasing (mostly) girls in all shades of wasted-ness. Half-naked, droopy-eyed, and generally looking ridiculous, most of the pictures of these crunked-out chicks are posted by the girls themselves.

Everyone from CNN to The Today Show has weighed in on this stupid group, and while I could care less about drunk people showing the world (and possible employers) how wasted they can get, I’ve always wondered where all the drunk guys are at.

When guys get blasted, they act just as stupid, get just as naked, and most certainly document their exploits just as well as the ladies. Read More »

Drinking too much is bad. Urging people to drink safely and stay away from their car after a few beers is good. Using a half-naked chick to tell people drinking too much is bad, especially if they want to drive…is confusing.

Arrive Alive, an organization devoted to ending drunk driving, has recently begun a prevention campaign that consists of lifelike stickers of a totally wasted girl in both men’s and women’s restrooms. The girl in the men’s restroom sticker is sitting with her thigh-high stockinged legs apart, eyes drooping, as though she’s just stumbled into the wrong bathroom and collapsed on the floor. I’ll sober up when I’m behind the wheel, her black shirt states. Read More »

I ooze class when I’m wasted. And Saturday, class was just coming out of my pores. I went up to a friend’s house in Connecticut for her graduation party. The party started at two and of course there was the requisite family time. With only a few glasses of wine under my belt and a lot of delicious finger foods, family time was no problem. The problem began at around 5 when the high school friends arrived. When I couldn’t find a bottle of water, I figured beer was the next best thing. After a game of drunk bat (don’t ask) we proceeded to the after party. Thus began my demise.

When I was an undergrad, I guess getting incredibly shit-housed what somewhat acceptable. We all did it. It happened to everyone at some point (or at lots of points) during those four years. Unfortunately for me, I had to do it just one more time before I realized that getting frat party drunk should have been left behind when I left college. Read More »