In the midst of my first ever college finals freshman year my dorm had a little study break party. It was called the Midnight Breakfast and included karaoke, games and an abundance of really tasty breakfast food.I attended with some friends of mine and ate: two servings of scrambled eggs, two bowls of Lucky Charms, two waffles (one with ice cream and sprinkles, one without) a Pop-Tart and a banana. I then dragged my friends up to the stage and sang a very special version of Belinda Carlisle’s hit, Heaven is a Place on Earth.

Why do I remember this so vividly? Well, putting that much food away in one sitting has a tendency to stick out in your mind…and over the top of your jeans.

Why so much food? Why Belinda Carlisle? I must have forgotten to mention above that I smoked some (read: a TON) of pot before heading down to the festivities. So much, in fact, that I was too stoned/moving too slowly to catch an ember that had been released from the bowl and eventually fell onto/burned a hole into my roommate’s sheets and mattress.

It was then (the following morning, actually, after I was carried to my room and things were no longer hazy) that I decided to take weed off of my “to do” list.

I know it seems so impossible/crazy/completely out of the realm of possibility, but I just don’t like pot. Trust me; I have tried to like it. I tried to like it from a bong; I tried to like it from a joint; I tried to like it in a car; I tried to like it at a bar; I have even tried to like it in a cupcake shaped like a penis.

I just…don’t. Read More »

Weed has a really schizophrenic status in American culture. Pretty much everyone’s tried it, but getting busted with even a small amount of it can land you some serious jail time.

Meanwhile, magazines like High Times boast super-ridiculous, high-definition marijuana centerfolds and smoking tips, and you can buy amazingly ornate smoking paraphernalia, like, at the local mall.

Although smoking pot is normalized, if not practically mainstream (we’re long past the “Reefer Madness” era, after all), there have been over eight million cannabis arrests in the United States since 1993 — at a rate of 1 cannabis users arrested every 40 seconds. And this is in a country where growing and selling pot, at least for medicinal purposes, is totally legal in many states. Could it get more convoluted?

In hopes of alleviating the confusing f*ck-all of cannabis culture in the United States, a new higher institution (pun intended) in the Bay Area has opened its doors to curious stoners, enterprising hydroponic botanists, and legalization activists. Half-jokingly dubbed “Oaksterdam University,” this Oakland trade school is a full-fledged university of weed. Read More »

• Men tend to enjoy breasts. And according to the (female) author…we shouldn’t blame them (or show them). (Yahoo!)

• What if Apple never existed? What would hipsters identify themselves by (technologically speaking, of course)? (Yahoo!)

• Blast From the Past: On her 2006 tour, Amy Winehouse needed beer, wine, vodka, pizza…and sober roadies (to carry her to bed). (Smoking Gun)

• All I can picture is a team of high school football players high fiving the kid involved in this. Also, this. (Idahostatesman.com)

• Wait, so this weed was found underwater and it’s still worth over a million dollars? Lucky fisherman. (citizen.co.za)

• Apparently sex is the antidote for every terrible ailment from the common cold to cramps. Too bad it’s also the cause of herpes and babies. (pravda.ru)

• Remember that stupid anti-drug commercial where the kids get high and shoot their friend with a gun? Remember how ridiculous it seemed? Well, it happens. (WKMG Orlando)

• Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the definition of ignorant. (CNN.com)

• Stop assuming your boyfriend doesn’t like to cuddle and he’ll stop assuming that all girls want to romantic, candle-lit sex. (The Today Show)

• Mini-cows on mini-ranches that are “as sweet as the dickens”? Awwww. (upi.com)

• Please don’t ever do this. Please. (You Tube)

• I really wish my contribution to society was “:-)”! I’m really jealous…seriously. (Wired.com)

• So, wait, it’s breaking news now that people like to look at attractive people and it only takes a half second to notice them? Any horny college kid could’ve told you that. (Yahoo News)

• If you have a tramp stamp, beware! All of those pregnancies that your stamp has been causing is going to make birth a lot more painful. (wsj.com)

• Bad News: You’re in college and weed is still illegal. Good News: As long as you’re not a raging pot-head. (denverpost.com)

• I almost forgot Halloween was coming. So, just in case you love candy as much as we do at College Candy (ha) check out some sweets that never made it onto store shelves. (i-mockery.com)

Prepare to have your heart broken: “As she put him into his cage for the night last Thursday, Dr. Pepperberg said, Alex looked at her and said: “You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.” He was found dead in his cage the next morning…” (New York Times)

Does every art teacher have to be a hippie? I mean, c’mon! That’s like saying all female gym teachers are lesbians… (Chicago Tribune)

What if universities called your house every time you missed class? What if they called your entire school? For some reason I don’t think my mom would have done what these moms did. (tampabays10.com)

$160 = a 5-year supply of Ben and Jerry’s. You just have to find a criminal. Wasn’t this a Nancy Drew book? (local6.com)

Just in case you’re like, the one person who doesn’t check PerezHilton everyday and haven’t seen his own ads on his own site, his show is on tonight. So, you might as well watch so you know what the hell he’s going to be talking about all day tomorrow. (VH1.com)

If you have weed for sale, it’s probably a really great idea to yell it out your window. I mean, what’s word of mouth when there’s YOUR mouth to do all your publicity for you? These guys are so smart. They didn’t even need to go to college with the common sense it takes to accomplish this.

They should have just set up a weed stand complete with complementary lemonade. I mean, everyone knows that weed gives you cotton mouth. And there’s nothing worse than cotton mouth, besides well, being arrested.

Which is exactly what happened to the two (former) freshman at Northeastern University last Sunday.

After one of them yelled out their dorm room window that his roommate had weed for sale, a couple of plainclothes Boston officers decided to check out the goods. Smart boys! Such a great way to attract customers! (Although I think the weed and lemonade idea is pretty great). Read More »

Okay, so I admit it. Sometimes, when I babysit, I totally go into the fridge and eat some food.

And every once in a while, I let the kid stay up past his bedtime, because, I mean, making them go to sleep when the sun is still up is just wrong.

I may not be an angel of perfection when it comes to taking care of other people’s kids, but at least I don’t get them stoned.

Earlier this month, a 15-year-old Florida girl was arrested and charged with felony child abuse after smoking a joint around the little kid she was babysitting—and posting a picture of it on MySpace.

The girl (who’s name is being withheld by authorities because of her age and massive stupidity) was charged as a juvenile and released into her parents care after the arrest, but the possibility that the state attorney’s office will charge her as an adult later is quite high (haha. Get it?). Read More »